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anonymous
writes: Tell me what you think? I am female, mid 40's. My son is 15 and has a learner's license to drive. We have 2 vehicles, a car and a older van. The past few days, I have started taking my son out practise driving. My partner has said, my son is not allowed to practise driving, in the car (may partner's vehicle)..so we've always taken the van (my vehicle). Now, my partner is in the habit of taking the van to work, and leaving the van at his workplace and goes out of town for 3 days with his company truck. So the van is unavailable to my son, for a portion of the week. And of course, my partner has said my son cannot drive the car. Only I can use the car. This morning I asked my partner to take his car, so my son and I could go out driving. My partner said rather gruffly, "no, I am taking the van, so my car doesn't get dirty" I was very upset with him. This is just one of many things my partner does to sabotage time I spend with my son. He constantly complains my son is forgetful, messy, leaves the kitchen light on, etc, etc and a host of other things. My son is an honor roll student(high 80's average), who has great friends, is a quiet, decent, respectful kid. He never lips back and he's uses common sense, has high ideals and I'm proud to say, a very well rounded kid. My partner is very resentful of my son and I don't know why? I have talked to my partner about how much it 'hurts' me when he complains about my son. (he never says anything mean to my son directly-my son is none the wiser) At the beginning of this relationship, I told my partner, that it was crucial, he accept my son if I was to be a part of his life. He was in total agreement, that he would never put me between the two of them. I think he knows he would definitely lose. What is the problem with my partner? He a middle aged man for goodness sake! Immaturity..controlling? Overly possessive with me? ..or he simply hates kids or..he's trying to sabotage this relationship. In all other regards, he's a loving, affectionate man with me. He generally politely distances himself from my son though. Anyone got any good advice?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy partner and I are not married. We live together. The car is his and the van is mine. He pays his insurance and car expenses while I pay the insurance and expenses for the van. But we share each other's vehicles. I guess what bothered me is I asked him to take his car to work instead of my van, so I could use my van for my son to practise driving, he didn't have any regard/respect for what I asked. He took it anyways knowing that we wouldn't use his car. Now, I can't get the van while he is away as it's parked in a secure, locked compound (yard) for a few days. He seemed upset when I went driving with my son last night. I got home at around 9:30 pm, and he was very cool with me. This is just 'another' stunt he has pulled off in regards to the time I spend with my son. I have made every effort to involve him in our activities but he shows no interest. My son's happiness and well-being is top priority, here-bf's and lovers come and go in a women's life-but a child is in your heart for a lifetime. If this is going to be a toss up, guess who wins hands down. And it ain't the bf!
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female
reader, singlemomof1 +, writes (24 July 2006):
 Unless he pays for that car and the insurance all on his own, then he has no right to tell you what you can do with that car. He needs to be reminded that him and you are in a marriage which is a partnership and that your son was accepted in the start as part of that. If he is still a dick head after that. What he doesn't know won't kill him, when he is out of town let your son drive the car
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female
reader, chazx  +, writes (24 July 2006):
 helloi think you , your husband and your son need to sit down and talk about what is happening your husband needs to tell you and your son why he doesnt get on very well and why he is trying to sabotage the time you and your son spend together but if you love your husband you have to try and get him to love your son or just get out before it ruins you and your sons relationship completely because heart break gets worse if ya leave it to long.
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