A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have never experienced a 'real' g-spot orgasm. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years now and have had to fake it every time. When we first started having sex, we had it a lot - he wasn't amazing then but he lost his virginity to me, so I just assumed that he'd get better with experience, and in the end, I'm in a relationship with him because I like him, not for his sex. However, there was no improvement and slowly, we've started having sex less and less. He's starting to get frustrated, he says how we used to have it a lot, what's changed and all the rest. I go on making excuses, but I just can't bring myself to say, 'sorry, but I've been faking enjoying sex for the past 3 years - you're not good at it.' I can't tell him that - it'd shake his confidence, he'd be angry and he'd be hurt. I'm couldn't care less really if I never had sex again because, like I said, I'm in this for him not for sex, and having never experienced a g-spot orgasm, I don't have a longing for it as I don't know what I'm missing. I don't doubt that he loves me and is in the relationship for me, but as we know, most of the time, cheating occurs when your partner can't please you and so on, so mainly, I'm worried about him doing something like that. Before him, I had slept with two other people, and hadn't had an orgasm with them either, but the sex was still enjoyable - with him, I don't enjoy any of it. I find it boring, repetitive and uninteresting. Can anybody help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 January 2012):
 If you were only just 15 when you first started sleeping with your boyfriend, I take it with the two previous boyfriends you were even younger? 14 years old?
At that age your body is not yet mature enough, or ready for sex, so it is very unlikely that you would have been prepared for orgasm, let alone understand how to achieve it. There is a reason why there is an age of consent in the UK (16 if you didn't know). Prior to that it is technically rape, even if you want it and agree to it.
Many people are not mature enough, emotionally or physically ready to have sex until much older, 18, 19, 20 years old. It can take many years for people to grow and learn technique and the skills of being a good lover. 3 years alone may not be enough.
He lost his virginity to you (both underaged). He may just be a slow learner, but you have been telling him he is 'great' by faking and re-enforcing your enjoyment of sex - so why would he think he was doing it wrong? He thinks you are making all the right noises, so there is no problem.
Communication is the KEY to relationships. If you cannot talk to your partner, voice your concerns and work through things then you are not mature enough to be having a relationship.
You obviously want a more exciting sex life, and that is perfectly ok. BUT you have to understand that people are different, and their sexual preferences are different. You just may not be compatible sexually.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 http://www.amazon.com/365-Ways-Improve-Your-Life/dp/0452275768
http://www.amazon.com/101-Sex-Positions-Steamy-Mild/dp/1569756554/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1326629656&sr=1-3
There is two links to two books, however there are plenty out there if you just go to any book store and have a look, it will be something for you both to learn and also have fun while doing it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice!
Aunt Honesty, can you suggest any books that would be worth purchasing?
Celtic Tiger, we're both 17, we've been having sex since just after I turned 15 (I'll be 18 this June).
Madalo 1, yes, he does make me orgasm through my clit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012):
I agree that you need to tell him the truth. What's worse: have a partner who is not pleased or having a partner who is not pleased who lies about it? Women seem to think it will destroy our ego if they tell us they are dissatisfied. Well, it will you if lied to us for three years about it first. Otherwise, men take it as a challenge to get you off. It's not insulting at all if you don't, because so many women are unable. Tell him the truth, but in a nice way Say something like:
"Honey, I know this may be hard to hear, but I've never had an orgasm with you. In fact, I have never had one with anyone. I'd really like to. Let's see if we can make it happen. Here's what I'd really like to try..."
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A
female
reader, Madalo 1  +, writes (15 January 2012):
You will never get anywhere if you dont communicate. What is it that you would like a guy to do for you sexually? Dont hide it from him, he must know so that he can satisfy you. I dont think its correct to just label him as not good in sex, because you havent actually shown him what you prefer but have been faking pleasure. All women are different and there is no formula for pleasing them, he must learn what works for you. Dont tell him that he has been crappy all along, just tell him what you would like. Does he at least make you orgasm through your clit?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 G-spot orgasms are actually rare, and so are orgasms from penetration.
Now if you are just like little good with google you can look up the two different things.
And, honey, never fake it. You only teach him to be a "crappy" lover. Take some time and figure out where and how you like to be touched, teach him, show him. And don't tell him if he does something "boring, just show him what you like.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (15 January 2012):
May I ask how old you are, and how old he is?
A lot of people take time to mature into sex and learn technique. You have been telling him that he is great in bed, by faking orgasms, so he thinks he is doing everything correctly. By fibbing, you have actually been re-enforcing his 'good' technique.
Never lie or fake, it will only lead to major problems. Show him what works for you.
As Aunt Honesty says, I would say a majority of women cannot orgasm through penetration alone - it isn't like you see in porn or in films. Women respond to clitoral stimulation the best. Get him to focus on that.
Orgasm is not the goal with sex, if you set out with that in mind you will always come away disappointed.
You are still both very young, and you have not yet matured. You have no idea who you really are yet as sexual beings and need time to grow and understand how you each tick. It may be that sexually you are not compatible. It happens - no matter how much you love him, sometimes you just dont connect sexually.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 January 2012):
Most woman cannot reach orgasm through sex believe it or not, most woman get orgasms from stimulation of the clitoris. So try not to put to much on to not orgasming means it cannot be good. Try having more foreplay. If he does not know what he is doing well then show him. Buy a book on different positions for sex and try some of them out. It can be fun trying them out and you never know what position you might come across that you enjoy.
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