A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am going home for the holidays for almost a month during my college break. My family lives very far away from me, our rather I moved very far away from them. My boyfriend couldn't get off of work for the whole two weeks so he is flying out after xmas for the remainder of the trip. He is considering not coming considering his time off work would be unpaid. I haven't spent this long away from him in all the years we have been together (we started out initially long distance when I first met him online for months and months but that was years ago)Is it a positive thing to spend this much time apart? Do you think we will feel even close when I get back. It was hard enough when I was away for two weeks last time. How do I get over spending xmas away from him for the first time in so many years?Does spending time apart become easier over time? Because I will also be studying abroad next semester overseas so this is only the beginning. I'm just so happy and proud of myself for not letting him hold me back and doing what I ned to for myself but how do I let him know that I am not doing it to experience things without him but rather fulfill my own ambitions?
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 I always think a bit of time apart is a positive thing, it allows you some space to be yourself, do the things you want to do, and gives you time to miss your partner which is actually a lovely thing. If after years together you still miss each other when you are apart then that is a great sign that your feelings are still strong.
In fact that is how I knew I needed to split up with my ex - I had a long weekend away from him and didnt miss him one bit, in fact I didnt think of him at all for the entire weekend and enjoyed being away from him, so that was a clear sign to me that things were not right.
The old saying 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' is still true, a bit of time apart is good for a relationship.
I'm not saying it is going to be easy - if you are used to seeing him over xmas then an xmas apart will be rubbish, not sharing this special day with the person you love is tough. There is no way to get over it as such, that's like saying 'how do I get over my ex?' - the answer is there is no one magic fix. It will be painful, you wont be happy and you will miss him like mad (hopefully!). But rather than dwelling on who isnt there at xmas (i.e. your boyfriend) think about who is there (i.e. your family), how it is good to see them, share the day with your family and make the most of it. Xmas is a time to be thankful for what you do have and enjoy being around your family, so dont dwell too much on the fact your boyfriend isnt there.
Perhaps have your own mini xmas before you leave or when you get back? Thats what my boyfriend and I are doing, we are going out for dinner on the night before I go home (23rd Dec) and then when we see each other next we are doing a mini xmas where I am cooking and we will exchange gifts. That way you dont feel like you are missing out too much and you make a special memory together.
As for next semester and studying abroad - that will be the tough one. Xmas will seem like a walk in the park in comparison. You will just have to think back to when you were in an LDR and how you made that work, because you will go back to being LDR when you are overseas. I'm no expert on that, I've never had an LDR so you are best searching this site on how to make LDR's work etc.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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