A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I won't go into details, but a few years ago I had some really bad sexual experiences. I've been with my current boyfriend for a little over 5 months now and things are fantastic between us. We also have amazing sex, and a lot of it. Recently, however, I have come into contact with the people from my past and unexpectedly, I've been having some major issues resurfacing. I have been feeling really depressed, having flashbacks, and sex feels like a chore. I have been pretending to be cheerful and into sex for my boyfriend, but I think he's noticed SOMETHING is wrong. I blamed it on my birth control, but I know that's not all of it. The problem has started manifesting itself as intense anger against men in general. The slight mention of a male sex organ sends a wave of anger through my body and I don't know why! I've even started to hate being a woman, hating my own body parts, and feeling like I'm being punished by not being a man, wishing desperately I was one instead of a woman. I'm sure it has to do with my past resurfacing, and not that I genuinely want a sex change because before the depression and flashbacks started I was immensely turned on by my man's body and felt sorry for men for not being women. But this decrease in sex drive not to mention my man bashing anger is starting to strain the otherwise perfect relationship, at least in my head it is. Plus it's making it very hard for me not to feel jealous of my boyfriend for being a man and having it so easy and the slight mention of anything sexual like masturbation, how something feels good, or even being injured on those body parts, makes me feel sick with anger and jealousy. What can I do? And how can I explain to my boyfriend what is going on? He knows about my past, but asked me not to tell him details unless I needed to because it makes him really angry that someone could do that. I don't know how to go about fixing this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Sometimes things happen where it sets our emotions off. And with you, you are feeling down and negative. This negativity can get worse and worse. It strays from what is rational. I don't understand why your current partner will not discuss what happened with you. He says it will make him angry and upset him. Can you talk to him when you are upset with your mother or with someone else? You are not choosing dominant men over the relationship, where really you are not the type for them are you. Where this is upsetting your life. Because all people and relationships are different and everyone's individually suited to a different other. There are all types of men out there, and granted bad experiences take time for all of us to get over. Even for men. Maybe you need to experience some different types of men while keeping your eyes and ears wide open to some of the women men have to put up with. Trust me that when someone does something wrong to someone, they continue on until eventually they get into a lot of trouble. The time to pay just hasn't come yet. And if something did happen, I would tell my Dr. and do no more. I wouldn't wish to be the one paying.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (14 August 2009):
 You need to go see a rape counselor. This sounds like some sort of sexual abuse issue or emotional abuse.
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A
female
reader, sum4gvn +, writes (14 August 2009):
 I can't relate to your situation at all but I do relate to the pain and anger. I don't know if counseling is an option for you but you definitely need someone with experience in what you're going through to help you get through this. It is very hard being a woman and it does sometimes feel like a curse that so many men seem to either use us and abuse us or try to. I've been dealing with that my whole life but I finally realized that being a woman is a powerful and liberating gift. We're not superior to men just as they're not superior to us but your body is beautiful and sacred and no man can take that from you. He's hurt you and I know he's shaken your confidence but don't let him take your womanhood. He doesn't have the right or the power. If you can't or won't go for counseling then the library might have some books that deal with what you're dealing with and maybe on your own you can begin the healing process through self-discovery. I'm sorry I can't be more help but good luck!
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