A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started talking to a great guy online, flirting and joking around, then after a while, we moved on to texting each other. Now he wants to call me and I keep making excuses not to because I'm worried it won't go well. My ex, who I broke up with at the end of last year after a 3 year relationship where he put me down all the time because he was afraid of losing me, would often get annoyed at me on the phone - I'm pretty quiet on the phone really, I am much better at communicating with people face to face or in writing. And my ex getting annoyed at me over phone calls made me nervous on the phone and so even less talkative. I know he was completely unreasonable, but it seems I'm not yet over some of the issues he left me with, like this one. So what can I do? I think this new guy will soon (if not already) be thinking I'm not very interested. It seems way to full on to go into complicated explanations about ex issues at this early stage, but I really don't feel comfortable talking to him on the phone!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): Get a pen and paper and write down all of his complaints with you. Think about why he would say each one, if you agree or disagree that this complaint was offending to yourself or others. To be certain about some, go online and ask. When all issues of the complaints have been dealt with you can either say, he was talking nonsense or ok, like every-one I have a few areas to iron out or it maybe a mixture of both, before moving on. Both ways you will get your confidence back. Its what you create in your own mind. Always be truthful to yourself. And as they say, trust yourself. You have to know who you are by doing a little research to be on top of every situation. Some-times boys when they are young don't express themselves very well and they grow out of it. A little rough around the edges. On my birthday my daughter gave me a Luv u fridge magnet, a made card, best mum in the world, and a heart necklace saying she was thinking of me. My son by comparison, occasionally says, I can see why you debated me mum, you were right, at the end of the day, and that's the only term of endearment I receive from my teenage son. Yet behind my back, he sticks up for me, all the stuff you don't see. So don't ignore this, answer these questions and deal with each issue of complaint and master it with the upper hand over these issues for renewed confidence so you can pick up that phone confidently. Also, could you both have been miscommunicating, where perhaps he picked up the wrong end of the stick and this point may have needed to be argued nicely.
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