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female
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*pexsublime
writes: My ex-best friend decided a couple weeks ago that I was whoring her attention and ignoring her. I had just started talking to her about my rape experience and needed someone I trusted to help me through the sad and suicidal times. But then she stopped talking to me, without explaning why, and when I confronted her, she told me I was bringing her down and being an attention whore. Every time I see her it makes me so angry, and she sits next to me in a class. Any idea about what I could do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2006): well done for getting through the rape experience. it must have been hard. i dont think your friend is being very nice, i know if i got raped my friends would all be there for me straight away. i would seriously consider ditching her as a friend if she's going to behave like that to you. find some new friends and ask your teacher if you can move places in the lessons that you sit next to her in. find some new, more worthy friends and hang around with them instead. maybe they would listen to you when you told them. although it's hard, put a smile on your face and you'll attract more friends. your old mate will come running back to you when she realises that you've got loads of friends and she's got none. if you really can't talk to anyone then call childline on: 0800 11 11. They give you confidential advice, and they're properly trained cousellors who can help you through.
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (25 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question Dear Kitty_Kat_Angel,
Thanks so much for your response. It was really helpful and I really appreciate it, I'll definatly try do work on it! Thanks again!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2006): This is a terrible thing to have happen to you, in addition to the hurt you've already experienced. I extend my sincerest well wishes and condolence for the pain you've suffered.
Sadly, this response is familiar. My best girl friend was raped, and when she told her family and her boyfriend, she received anything but support. She spent a long time in my apartment sleeping and drinking tea. I'm sorry you don't have someone who can do that for you. You deserve emotional support and love.
She did receive a lot of support from RAINN and our city's Action Against Rape group. Here's the RAINN website.
http://www.rainn.org/
And here's the RAINN hotline number:
1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
Like someone else suggested, you can search google for other support groups that are local to you. Stay strong, luv. Do not forget: It wasn't your fault. You did _not_ deserve what happened to you.
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female
reader, Kitty_Kat_Angel +, writes (24 February 2006):
I think your friend is being quite insensitive. It is not like you have no reason to feel the way you do after your rape experience. Tell her how you feel a little let down but give her space every now and again. You should listen to her opinions and between you try and find a compromise. By this i mean maybe she will be willing to listen to you and help you if you listen to her a bit to. Maybe she has a big personal problem in her life aswell and needs someone to talk to. Not that that is your job but dont put all your worries on one person. Find other people to talk to this about as well. If you feel suicidal the Samaritans will always listen for however long and will never judge you. Or ring a hotline that helps rape victims. This way you do not need to only tak to your friend about your problem, you will have other people who can listen and provide new perpective. Plus you and your friend will have more time to tak about other things and you will have more energy to listen to her or give her space.Good luck and i hope you feel happier soon xx
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (11 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsamantha, thanks so much, I'll definatly look into it!
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (8 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question samantha,
Thanks for your help, appreciate your support It means a lot :D
At first she was letting me talk, but then one day she just stopped and I was very hurt, so I don't think it was because she didnt know what to say...
What is anonymous counseling? And where can I find it?
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (8 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the question Suorpio,
Thanks for your help, I decided to talk to a couselor and my boyfriend about it, instead of my ex-best friend. I can see were she might be overwhelmed, and thanks for showing me that. I will talk to the teacher abou switching seats.
Thanks again!
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female
reader, apexsublime +, writes (8 February 2006):
apexsublime is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchrissymarie,
Thanks for your support, I'm sorry about your mom saying that to you..
Anyways, thanks I think I will talk to my teacher about switching seats in class, and I have talked to a social worker about it too! Thanks again!
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female
reader, chrissymarie +, writes (8 February 2006):
 sorry to hear about what happend to you i had the same thing happen to me but it was even worse my mom called me a lil slut, but anyways not to get off track about you, there are a few things that you can do, in class maybe you could ask the teacher if you can move seats that way you dont have to be next to her.... and if you have a school guidance consliour go to there and talk to the guidance consliour about it.... explain what happend, and maybe the g.c will beable to put both of you in the room and beable to talk it out, but just let everything out dont hold nothing back let your feelings come out....well good luck and keep me updated on how things go
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): This is the most blatantly insensitive thing I've heard in a long time. Rape is a harrowing experience, and rape survivors are entitled to all the support their friends can offer. If she isn't interested in being a friend to you, you need to seek support elsewhere (and IMMEDIATELY if you are contemplating or have contemplated killing yourself). Talk to your parents or a counsellor or another friend, and know that nobody will think that you were at fault or responsible.
Your former best-friend may indeed feel overwhelmed by the prospect of helping you through this time, but cutting someone off entirely and calling them names is not how to handle the situation.
If things are really rocky, sit away from her in your class. Hopefully she'll recognize how atrocious she's acted and apologize soon. Don't wait for her to come around to tell someone else about what happened to you, either. You need to get support now, it doesn't matter in what form, just TELL SOMEONE.
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