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female
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anonymous
writes: What are some things you should keep to yourself and what are things you should tell your boyfriend? Isn't there a fine line? Boyfriends shouldn't be therapists, but shouldn't yout trust them enough to tell them your inner thoughts and feelings? I'm so confused. Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (8 February 2006):
 You are right about fine line, you should not tell all in a new relationship but as the years go by you may want to reveal more, Mystery is good and you should keep your secrets as long as possible unless of course they are likely to damage the relationship.
If it is something that is about an ex then that is past so leave it there, if it is a medical problem well they may need to know this, if it is a family issue and you know your partner well then tell them as long as they can keep confidences.
If we tell new partners everything it can damage a relationship or make you appear needy and mixed up, if we tell them our darkest secrets and then break up, that also could be dangerouse.
We all have skeletons in our cupboard and some should remain there.
You know better than me what your skeletons or issues are so you must think about what impact telling your partner is likely to have, do a risk assesment, if you feel he needs to know for the relationship to progress and you trust them then tell them, if not keep secrets for when you really know your partner better.
A
female
reader, Sarah C- happy to help +, writes (8 February 2006):
I have a boyfriend and i can tell him most things but there are some things i cant tell him because i dont feel he would understand, i also dont tell him things that concern my friends because i dont think its any of his business and its my friends secrets!The best way to find out is to talk to him and see his reactions that way you know what you can and shouldnt say.
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male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (8 February 2006):
 I kind of agree with the above post. Often I find my partners have opened up to me very quickly but I am well aware that is one of the oddeties of my personality and my ex's. In the long-term your b/f might become a bit like your threpist but only in the sense that you are together and as such you share life's trails together.
I would suggest opening up at a pace that is comfortable to you. If the relationship last's a long time then inevitably more of yourself will become revealed, that is only natural and healthy. Dont open up too fast and put the relationship under early strain by opening up too fast. Focus on the here and now and have fun with the blossoming of the new relationship and new feelings. Good luck with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2006): If you're just starting to date someone, there is a definite line - not from a moral stance but rather from the "oh God I just met her why would she tell me that" angle. It's ultimately a personal decision - some people take longer to open up than others.
A very longterm boyfriend may graduate to nearly the status of a therapist in terms of what you can tell him. Ideally, you should date with an eye towards someone who you are inclined to or enjoy telling things about yourself. Makes the dilemma much easier.
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