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anonymous
writes: I was in a serious relationship from age 16 to 22 - one in which I never strayed or so much as looked at another girl. Immediately after that ended, I moved into a relationship with my current girlfriend. I'm 24 and she's turning 23.
I'm incredibly blessed in that I've found someone who is truly amazing and I'm so in love with her. She's pretty close to being the perfect girl - she's beautiful, fun, likes to party, intelligent.... I could on and on!!! We hardly ever fight and there is absolute trust between us. My friends and family adore her. In fact, if it was two or three years from now, I know we'd be getting married!
This is where the problem lies though... I feel like I need time out and space to live for myself for a while.
The only way I can explain how I'm feeling is this: From as long back as I can remember, I've had to be a very responsible person. My father never took any responsibility for the family, and I've been the one to provide emotional and financial support for my mother and sisters for a little while. Part of what I'm feeling now, is a slight rebellion towards that responsibility.
My best friend and I have to take a gap year next year and travel through Europe, doing pretty much whatever we want. This brings another problem to the fore as I know I shouldn't go with my girlfriend as I have to do it for myself or not at all. We're planning on leaving at the end of March next year and I don't know if I want to carry on seeing her until then. I'd prefer to end it before the end of this year... In part to protect myself and in part because of the feelings I described above.
It sounds like I know what is going in my head, but truth is I'm very confused. I'm worried I'm giving up someone who could be my soulmate and that I'll regret it for the rest of my life... I also feel like I'm letting her down which is destroying me! I have spoken to her about going to Europe and she is being very supportive. I haven't discussed ending things sooner with her though.
Please help me understand why I feel this way and how to make sense of what to do...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): You are talking your gf for granted and you are NOT in love with her the way you say you are. Maybe you think you will be able to go out here and find someone better, but I can bet my bottom that you will not. True love is very, very, very rare and once you pass it up esp. over something foolish, you never discover it again. It sad that people do not know the value of things worth having in this life that is...until it's gone. Thank God I am not one of those women who take ex's back. Once I gone I am gone forever. It's they're lost not mine. I dont' feel sorry for you one bit
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female
reader, bitch  +, writes (13 November 2009):
My opinion is that you really don't love her as much as you think you do or you would not want to break up with her and leave her..... and give her the opportunity to find somebody else in the meantime... which she will if you do break up. She won't stay single forever, and she won't wait if there is no real commitment on your part. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): I know this wont be read by the original poster but heres to anyone who reads this in the future. If you pull this kind of bull on someone who loves you, you dont deserve them. Why, ahh poor you, you've got this and that on etc etc, Well you know what the person you suppose to be in love with has put all of their cack aside to be with you. And you are really really going to hurt them with this. You need grow a spine as the other person posted and you need to decide what you want, stringing your loved one along while you decide to be with them or not is a mugs game.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): If u can think of letting her go that means something is missing in that relationship. You may can't figure it out but it's obvious. Better listen to ur inner and end it now . The sooner the better.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): If u can think of letting her go that means something is missing in that relationship. You may can't figure it out but it's obvious. Better listen to ur inner and end it now . The sooner the better.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2007): Remember that there are only two things necessary for true love: a brain, and a spine. I think you have the brain, but do you have the spine? Love, above all else, takes courage. You have to make it work, and that includes sacrifice. If she is your soul mate, invite her to travel with you.
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male
reader, Macronik  +, writes (3 August 2007):
I'm in the same situation. I'm 25 and been with my girlfriend for just over 4 years. We had the BEST relationship ever, had a great friendship and a great sex life. However, over the last 6 months I've become very unhappy as I feel that a large side of me is suppressed. I still don't know what to do, and she's about to walk away unless I sort my head out. Good luck to you, let us know what you do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): HiYou originally posted your question nearly three years ago, just curious as to how things worked out.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): I'm going through the same thing right now. So I really have no advice for you right now but it made me feel a little better when I saw what you wrote. I figured maybe it might help you (like it helped me) to know that your not alone in feeling this way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2007): I've been trawling the internet looking for a post like this-I am the 'perfect girl' who after 6 years my partner told me that he loves me, thinks I'm perfect but needs to sort himself out....I couldn't understand it for such a long time but I can now see that our relationship was going nowhere due to his personal issues. Talk to your girlfriend and don't break up with her months before you go away that's just mean. She probably won't understand initially-it took me 2 months to get my head around it! Keep talking to her!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2007): Seriously, if you are having doubts and fear of commitment, she doesn't even deserve you in the first place. You realize what a great woman she is, and still you're considering walking out on her... you probably think it'll be a piece of cake to find another one like her. That means you're absolutely taking her for granted, and that's TOTALLY LAME !
But let me tell you something... finding people we really connect with is a pretty rare thing in life, and most people wouldn't give up on theirs if they found it. If you're willing to do that, then she's too good for you anyway.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2005): If you're in love with her, why do you think you want to break it off? If it has anything to do with wanting to experience other girls, then you might as well, because she deserves better than that. If it's just a general life independence thing, you don't need to cut her out of your life to learn to chill out and worry about yourself for a bit. Do you plan on cutting out your best friend or your family? Then why the girlfriend? If she's smart and mature she'll know (and YOU should figure this out) that you DO need to develop your own life, and that when you do, your relationship will be better. There's no reason to make it over. You'll regret it. Trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2004): If you are so in love with her, don't give up on that. Picture your life without her and see how you feel, but regardless you need to discuss how you are feeling right now with her because nomatter what happens you need to be totally honest with her and let her know your having doubts or need some space or whatever. She may be feeling the same thing. It is okay to be scared of commitment, most people are,but if you let your self get scared away you might regret it. Discuss it with her, that is the only fair thing to do.
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