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anonymous
writes: My husband is away at the moment and I have found out that before he went he was contacting women on the internet and they were e-mailing him sexy pictures. I also found an email from him to one woman telling her not to use "this address" as wife will see it. I am absolutely devastated especially as this is not the first time this has happened. About 3 years ago he was up to this and it got more personal till he met a woman in a bar and took her phone number and they started texting each other behind my back.
I've tried to tell him how much this is hurting me and destroying our marriage but he says it is harmless fun and I shouldn't have a problem with it.
I really don't know what to do now. I do love him but I can't live like this anymore constantly thinking will he won't he finally go all the way, if he hasn't already. I wouldn't be allowed to do this nor would I want to but he says it's ok for him.
How can I get him to understand what this is doing to me and what he is putting at risk. He always dismisses my feelings out of hand.
Please help me this is tearing me up inside.
S
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infidelity, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anna702  +, writes (2 June 2009):
Leave. and leave quickly. The dirty picture emails should be your secondary concern. A man who dismisses your feelings no matter what they may be. THAT is what should drive you away. This man does not love you the way that you love him. Leave. You deserve better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2008): I'm having a similar (though not as serious) problem with my spouse, who I recently found out is conversing with women via a reputable web forum. It all seems to have started innocently, as you can add "friends" while at the site and eventually, can email each other back and forth with jokes passed on, etc. However, a few times he changed the screen or got "huffy" when I attempted to peek over his shoulder to see what he was up to.Then recently I had to use his computer to check my own account and snuck into his email. The emails between him and one particular friend seem to be getting more personal and information-rich - which worries me on two accounts, including the possibility of ID fraud!Anyways, that is why I am roaming the internet to see what others think. I have confronted him via an email, explaining my views on his communicating with women, but he won't see that until later today. I'm thinking of nipping it i the bud, as they say, so he is aware of my feelilngs, one way or another.Good luck to the other person, and wish me luck too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Well I went throught something similar with my boyfriend, he was text messaging this woman. I decided to text her and let her know that he was with someone etc. It worked mo more texts. Also forced him to be more honest with me
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A
female
reader, ana Bahrani  +, writes (1 September 2007):
You know dear?
Im sorry to tell you this but I think that he will never change. he did ones and now he didnt again .. is like the man who beat they wife, if he did ones he will do it again till you call the police and you show him that this is not a game and then if they love you they change .. but the cheater will never change .. i dont know you but i cant live thinking that my man will leave me for some one alse.. and trying to show him that what he is doing is not OKAY but you will forgive him and stay with him and he do it again ,, and again .. friend dont lose your time with a loser.. lose your time with a winer .. the one is going to apreciate what you do and how you are , but being pure you with out fears, you know what i mean? i really home that I just wrote for you helps
hugs
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A
female
reader, ana Bahrani +, writes (1 September 2007):
You know dear?
Im sorry to tell you this but I think that he will never change. he did ones and now he didnt again .. is like the man who beat they wife, if he did ones he will do it again till you call the police and you show him that this is not a game and then if they love you they change .. but the cheater will never change .. i dont know you but i cant live thinking that my man will leave me for some one alse.. and trying to show him that what he is doing is not OKAY but you will forgive him and stay with him and he do it again ,, and again .. friend dont lose your time with a loser.. lose your time with a winer .. the one is going to apreciate what you do and how you are , but being pure you with out fears, you know what i mean? i really home that I just wrote for you helps
hugs
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): It's all a game; it doesn't mean anything. Plain and simple: he gets off on these emails and pictures. Why don't you get off with him? Do you think the pictures are sexy too? You can share in this; it doesn't need to just be his alone...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): Dear S I was found a man yes I was not married to him and when I found out he had woman all over the UK as he traveled for as part of he's job.I gave him his cards.
Your married do not be a fool. What man or woman text emails unless they want SEX.
How long will you put up with it,he loves himself more and you will suffer and your doing so now.
He as many men love the thrill the chase he probably will never admit to it been no more than harmless fun.
Fun for him and harmful it is.
I hope you stand your ground and tell him stop now.
My relationship has ended that was my choice speaking from experience I checked out a dating site on line.I was livid well he's on the bed where we made love he even had the mobile phone in his ##'@@ hand and the mirrored waldrobe reflected the room.
He even tried to hide he's job,age made him self 10 years younger,said he was looking for a serious relationship with any one of any race.
He put on the site he came from Batley he's from Huds.
I'm fumming even now.
DATE.COM and any other woman can have him.
So what are you going to do?
This is a hurdle for you but go forward deal with him.
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A reader, Dee, writes (19 February 2005): My advice to you is leave that man...you have credible evidence to the point he dismisses you when you try to discuss...sounds like he could care a less of your feelings...internet is a very bad habit for anyone to get into...it has ruined many relationships..if he is already meeting online people he has already left you...sorry..but please do your self respect a favour and dump his butt..grrrr
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A reader, Kristen, writes (26 January 2005): I think you should put your foot down. Your better than that and you deserve better. You can find a man who is satisfied with you and be a whole lot happier. What he is doing is wrong!
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