A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hello everyone.Things finally seem to be settling down a little, at long last. It's been over a month since my long distance girlfriend of 2 years split with me, and I feel a little easier about the situation right now.We are still in contact. Last time we spoke was last night. She made it very clear to me that the only thing that broke us up was distance, which has put my mind at rest a little bit. I have also promised her that we will never, ever talk about the break up again. She has told me that she feels like she is in "limbo" when we talk about it, instead of moving on from it.So things are ok, we're still friends to some extent and I am happy. But in the past week or so, I have been talking to a new girl over the internet. It feels so similar to when I met my ex. We spoke for 4 and a half hours in one night once. The thing that separates her to my ex, is that she lives much, MUCH closer. Maybe, 25 miles at most. We have decided that we will meet eachother face to face soon, and I'm under the impression that we are just friends.Obviously I've had a lot going on lately, so my head is still kind of spinning over this. Part of me quite likes this girl, but another part of me is saying that it's too soon. I don't understand why I'm thinking that it's too soon seing as we are supposedly just friends. It could be that I think that things are only going to develop.I've never been in a, what you would call "normal" relationship before. I'm not sure now is a good time to develop, but I STILL quite like her as a friend, and maybe in time, more than that.Can anybody give me their perspectives on this? Because mine is a little cloudy. I know only I will know what is best, but I'd love to hear some opinions.Thanks!
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (2 August 2007):
 I think it is good to see this other girl. If you feel that it is too soon to start a new relationship, which it most probably is right now, then tell her this if you notice that she wants more than friendship from you. If you like her and take it a little slow, chances that you will end up good in the end are much better. It doesn’t make you a bad person if it happens that you would have a rebound relationship, but it is not really good in the end for either of you. She could be very hurt and you will probably feel quite bad about yourself in any case.Have fun and enjoy getting to know others. You don’t have to take it any further until it feels right for you, until you are over with your ex girlfriend. And try to be as honest as possible to them and to yourself. You don’t have to tell everybody you see about every detail, but honesty about how you feel will make it easier for you to see if this is for real or just a rebound. And when it comes to the fact that your ex doesn’t want to talk about the break up, it could be that it is too early for her right now. She is also dealing with this herself at the moment. When you are in contact, try just to have a good talk, like last time, and after some time when both of you are more distanced to the break up, then hopefully she will be ready to talk more with you about it. If you at all would still have questions to her about it then.And go on that surf trip! ;-)Good luck!
A
female
reader, Butterflyfly +, writes (2 August 2007):
 Given all that you said until now and how frustrating your break up with your ex must have been, I think you deserve a breath of fresh air. Maybe it's too soon to throw yourself into another relationship and internet chat does speed things up a little bit, you get to find out much more about somebody than if you first met them face to face. But who says you gotta stay put and do nothing or do the right thing ( whatever thaT IS) until you and your ex are complete history with no lingering feelings.You sound confused and I think you;re in need of comfort and who knows if you see this new girl for what she really is, or if you see her as a substitute for your old relationship. BUt I think you'll figure the answer to that soon. The situation between you and your ex is very clear- however painful it has been for both of you, and I think moving on by whatever means is the best thing you can do. You're in a win win situation : if she'a a man,or you get a laugh, if she's a girl, you could get a friendship at the least..
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (2 August 2007):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sorry Chrissy, but you are assuming things. My fault. I didn't explain.Me and my ex met up on 13 different occaisions, including 2 camping trips and a holiday with my family to Cuba (only 4 months ago). And for the record. I loved her with all my heart. I would have done anything to make our relationship work, but she gave up in the end.I think it would be wrong for me to tell her about this other girl, because for one thing, she has no reason to know, plus it may upset her.I'm not asking how to tell my ex about this, I'm just wanting to know what people think of the situation. Is it too soon for me to go off and meet somebody who I consider a friend and may take further? Stuff like that.I appreciate that you took the time to try and help me. Thank you!
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789  +, writes (2 August 2007):
 hey hun, i have been through this long distance relationship and they are not really that good, but you should follow your heart, do you want to go on with this girl that lives miles and miles away where there is a chance that you will probly never meet or be with someone who is closer and you can go and meet. tell the girl that broke up with you that you are going to see another girl seeing that you guys broke up she shouldnt have a problem with it, 2 yrs is a long time to be in a relationship and neither one of u tryed too see each other, try and see this other girl and see where it goes :) good luck and i hope it works out for you.
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (2 August 2007):
Hey Andy,Glad to hear your feeling a little more at ease.My advice would be if you dont feel ready or have doubts about starting a new relationship, then it probably isnt the right time. I would'nt go leaping into anything new. I'm reminded of a song lyric 'dont give your gun away when its loaded'.This is not to say you should'nt meet this girl, I think you should, if would help you get over your ex i'd imagine. But if it surfaces that she is after more than a friendship and you dont feel ready for it, make it clear to her you've just come out of a relationship and dont want to rush things and hurt her. But yeah go out and meet this girl, why not! Get to know her, go out a few times, hang out etc. The only person who can tell you when is the right time is you. For me, I know, right now just coming out of a relationship I am interested in girls and would gladly go for casual drinks and socalizing, just not a relationship, I still miss my ex too much. take care
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