A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 24 and have been with my boyfriend (now ex) since I was 19. Our relationship has conquered many battles and each time we have came out stronger. I love this man, more than words can say.I always knew "he" had a specific fear of death, love and loss,planes, not being in control of situations, etc. We have obviously been discussing our future off and on during the last year or so. We decided (after never living together), that we were going to move near the farm next April after I finished my degree.In the last month months, Robbie has been taking medication and going to therapy because he is mentally ill. He went back in the past, but didn't continue. He is now emotionally unavailable and has not been meeting my needs. I broke it off with him about a month ago because of this and the fact that he wasn't putting in any effort. He feels under pressure with life right now and is concerned about having life planned, having an unplanned child, love-loss, not seeing enough of the world, etc. So naturally, I broke it off because I didnt want to be with someone who questioned me and our future when it all seemed to be very clear. He called me two days later telling me he would wait forever,he had physcial pains of not being with me, he wanted to give me the world, emailed me everyday for a bit, etc. I saw him a few times, knew I loved him but resisted to be with him in a relationship.It didn't feel right because I knew he wasn't going to change just like that. I did, however, spend a really wonderful evening with him at my trailer. i arrived, he smiled, came over, hugged and kissed me and said "I love being here with you." The night progressed, we were passionate, did some quirky fun things, relaxed and it was great. The next day, i felt we didn't feel right still. We talked, and two days later, he was feeling uncertain again. I told him at first that its hard to be with someone who wants to be with me but can't promise he'll want that forever. I know it sounds stupid, but really, its been a topic of convo, I thought we were on the same page and I thought thats what he both wanted (esp since we were moving together next Spring). I broke up with him again last week, its been 6 days and I am now wondering what is going to happen. Is he going to call me and want me back? Is he going to take the time and space, continue with meds and therapy and break all ties with me? Does the depression make him confused about us or does this have nothing to do with it? Does he want to be with me or is depression making it impossible? Is he saying this to me because he really is certain that he doesn't know? I don't know, a lot of questions. All I know is "he" and I had a fulfilling relationship and I thought we were in total love, so why is this man out of my life like this? Could it work out? Or am I just fooling myself?To add to this, "his" Mom told me in an email that his mental condition is very serious and that "this is not the end of your relationship with him." That's hard to hear because I know she loves me and wants me to marry Rob, she can't speak for him. What do you think?? Sorry so long, just so drained and sick of being upset!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2007): Hi..I can relate to you because I have a very similar situation. Although we have never spoke of marriage, my now ex-boyfriend suffers from mental illness also. He is afraid of any kind of change whatsoever. We dated for a year and a half. I care about him very much still. I broke it off almost 3 months ago. Our problem is that when I was with him, he openly flirted in front of me with other women. This caused a severe strain on our relationship which caused many fights...Now he says he wants to experience other women and that he thinks we met just for a short time to learn from each other. He says he cares about me, but all in all, I think I was just a friend with benefits. Please think long and hard before you make any permanent plans with this man as your future will always be a roller coaster of a ride...feel free to email me at [email address blocked] love to talk to you more about this type of man. Sincerely, Cole
A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas  +, writes (3 August 2007):
Hi!, It's me again. Having worked in Mental Health for over 28 years. I,m not putting down either of you, I love people regardless of what life has handed them, by this I mean, We don't often have any choice of what happens in our lives. But when we do,We need to make the best choices possible. In your case, There will be children that will need to have two loving,supportive parents,can he give them that? I don't see that being the case now, or even in the near future. Yes, You may really be in love with him, But is it really love? or is it pity? I would wonder about his Mom's mind-set,about you marrying Rob. She cannot be bind as to what kind of Hell your life, and any children's lives,will become if you marry him. I would never put my Daughter-in-law,to be, in such a position, As that would be puting her son's love before your's. And I don't see that she has now,or will ever have enough love for the both of you. If you want to talk with me, Please feel free to do so through DearCupid.org I'll be here for you if you feel you need me. And may God Bless you in these trobled times.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, but I know he wants to be with me and loves me sooo much and would love to see a future, but right now, he is not able to do that with his depression. When you are depressed, the future looks bleek no matter what. Don't you think with treatment and medication he could be a better partner to me since he tells me that's what he wants so bad, but know its not fair to me because I am feeling down about his depression?
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A
male
reader, leonard j.Douglas +, writes (2 August 2007):
"You got to know when to hold, know when to fold, know when to walk away, know when to run". You had better go with the "know when to to run". As I see It, There is no furture in yor present relationship. It's no-wheres-ville and it is'nt going to change. You have a dysfunctional relationship and you'll also have a disfunctional marriage.
It's the sad truth if you want to hear it, or not. And right now, you are going with your emotions,not your common sense
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