A
female
age
36-40,
*ard_decision
writes:How do I stay strong and not feel guilty for wanting to move on from my ex who cheated on me and made a child as a result? Im finding it extremely difficult not to feel sorry for my ex.. I want to move on and heal my heart, so I changed my phone number so he couldnt contact me. But that didnt really help, he emails me and comes over to my place at all hours of the night. He sits at my window crying, begging me to let him make it up to me and prove his changes.. and I somehow feel guilty for telling him no and that I cannot take anymore.. When I look at him it breaks my heart - but why should I feel sorry for him when he was the one that betrayed me? Why do I feel bad for wanting my own space so I can move on from this. I feel sympothy for him because he now has the responsibility of a child, he doesnt have his own place and his life is a mess... life is hard enough trying to move on from all that has happened, but he makes it harder by not respecting me and letting me go.. how do I stop feeling guilty for telling him enough is enough and I cant take another chance on him.
View related questions:
cheated on me, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 That's the spirit! Keep up the good work!
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (14 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionQuirkLady - thank you for your words. I have been strong, I had to change my number twice because he got ahold of it and wouldnt leave me alone. I am ignoring his attempts, he leaves notes on my car and sends me emails however I am not replying and this is actually helping alot. No use in me replying only to say leave me alone because then I am showing him attention which I dont want to do. Im taking it a day at a time and as each day passes I find a little piece of my heart gets put back where it belongs and I find myself smiling alot more. =)
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 April 2010):
We're all human, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to lie.
We all make mistakes, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to cheat.
We all have slip-ups, but that doesn't give anyone a pass to hurt you.
I know you're hurting right now, and I feel sorry that you are going through this mess. You see the lies, and you see his selfishness in insisting that you stay in his life and wait around for him while he goes off with his new baby and girlfriend. Think about that...he wants you to sit at home, alone, while he goes off having fun with his new girlfriend.
I suggest you concentrate on being strong one day at a time. Take it one minute at a time if you have to. Each day, each hour, each minute you will gain a small amount of your power back. Love will come again into your life. Just hold on for as long as you can. And if you backslide sometimes, it's okay.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 April 2010):
 One day of sadness is one less day of happiness in your life.
Don't be taken in by a wolf in sheep's clothing. Never listen to someone's sob stories. What they shed are only crocodiles tears .
It is not the externals that count but what you can see and feel in your heart.
Your weakness is your strength and you should be firm and not waver by tears or meaningless words from him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (8 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are so right in all the advice you have given me, I just dont know how to be so strong as to not read the emails or notes.. Its like Im tourching myself because I want to move on from him, but yet I also want to know that he misses me? I know it sounds so stupid because his promises are empty as far as Im concerned, I also feel the guilt and sympathy for him, I know his world wont come crashing down if Im not there to help him...But I cant help but feel sorry for him and its extremely hard to tell him to go away when he shows up crying.. But I understand I deserve better then what he ever gave me, I need to just focus on me because Im not exactly loving life right now and I want to, I dont want to waste another minute being hurt and upset.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 April 2010):
Don't open his mails or read his notes. Throw them away or delete it and he will soon give up. Harden your heart.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (8 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYour right - I need to just let it go and not talk about it and just try live my life.. I just find it very difficult when he doesnt respect my wishes and is constantly contacting me in some way, notes left on my car, emails and just showing up at my house! I just want time to focus on me and getting strong again. But it seems as if Im being selfish in his eyes.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 April 2010):
I think the only thing you can do now is to get far far away from him and this problem. You are too troubled and unstable to come to any major decisions.
Take a 'time out' and go and enjoy your life. In time, you will see more clearly and will come with out the right solutions to this problem.
Take a break and don't talk anymore about this problem. Give it a rest.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (7 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah I know it will take months possibly years to see if he has truly changed or not..but i just found out hes lied so much more then i thought.. he told me he didnt go in the delivery room when his child was born, which i found out he did.. he tells me he goes over n see's his child and just sits there and doesnt spend time with the mother which is also bullshit because ive seen photos of him on her bed sleeping with the baby..and also know he takes her out and they do things together.. I just dont know how someone can break down in front of me, tell me im all he wants,tell me he'll prove it to me, meanwhile hes still lying about what he does.. I understand he now has a kid that he needs to be present for.. but in no way does he need to be bonding with the mother.. god he makes me sick! How did i ever get myself in this position...its like i cant even make a clean break because i still believe his promises...
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 April 2010):
Give him a final ultimatum that if he does not stay away from you nor respect your decision ,you would make the final decision there and then.
It would be take about a few months or possibly a year to decide if he has changed.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (7 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have spoken to him about this many times, and asked that he please give me my space as I need to figure out if I want to try with him again, given the fact that he has a lot of baggage now, so I have to take that into consideration aswell. I know hes scared to give me my time because he thinks Ill forget about him and someone else will come along and take me away, truth is Im not ready to date anyone else. I want to believe his words that he tells me(regarding his plans to change etc), but I dont because of the trust he broke. I dont want to rush back into anything with him, I want to know if he is worth it, he needs to prove his changes etc and realise that he wont earn my trust back over night...In saying that I want my space..how am i supposed to know when hes making progress and changes are being made? I cant just take his word for it... this is the frustrating part.. I want him to prove changes, but how can I when I need my space from him...
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 April 2010):
That is a very sensible and rational decision.I would agree with you that he is only human and he made a mistake.
If you have love ,everything is possible.
Talk to him and tell him that you need more time to think about this issue and ask him to stay away till you have reached a decision.
...............................
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (7 April 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess its even harder because I still love him. I want nothing more then for time to pass and he be able to show his changes are here to stay and not just momentary to win me back. I know people make mistakes, we are only human.. but should a mistake like his be worth giving a second chance eventually if changes have been proven? My heads a mess I dont know what to do. I do want to be left alone for a while and for him to focus on him and getting his act together...
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (6 April 2010):
I can't think of one reason why you should feel sorry for him. Wait, I take that back. I feel sorry that he lost the pleasure of your company by acting like an idiot and breaking your trust. That's neither here nor there though.
It's up to you to be strong. Shut the window. Close the shade. Don't respond to his emails - in fact, delete them unread so you won't be tempted by his pleas. He got himself into this mess. He made his own bed and now he can sleep on it. Meanwhile, you can move on to a guy who's faithful and won't spend time whining because he can't handle responsibilities.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (6 April 2010):
Learn to say 'NO!' Be firm and stand your ground.
He is harassing you and you could take out an AVO against him. This will keep him away from you
...............................
|
