A
female
age
36-40,
*ard_decision
writes:Hi All,I have previously posted a question asking if I should stay with my ex who cheated on me and got a girl pregnant or if I should just move on. Its been such a hard struggle deciding which I should do even though in logic I know which option I should take. Im finding it extremely hard to move on, Im miserable all the time, nothing I do gives me joy or takes my mind off of him. Obviously people have been through similiar situations to mine, I just want some advice on things I can do to help me move on as I dont want to be miserable any more, I feel Im not really living my life the way I should be and I still hold on to tiny hope he will make things ok for us which in reality even if he did change I could never forgive what he did to me and the fact that a child will always be there to remind me of his infidelity is unfair...how do I let go of that hope and truly move forward with my life? Thank you in advance
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cheated on me, infidelity, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 March 2010):
 If your love is deep and wide enough , you would accept him and his child. Love can overcome all barriers and can do all things.
There are some women who can forgive and accept the child because their love for him is too strong and they cannot help but accept their fate.
If you cannot accept him and the child, your love for him is not as deep as you thought.
It is not easy to forgive and accept his child which is not yours.Only true love can overcome this problem.
“Whenever you're in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”
You were more in love with love than in love with him. He was a projection of your ideal love and you had a higher expectation from him.
If you find that you cannot take it anymore, then you need to walk away from him. You were simply not meant for each other.
A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (9 March 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know we are all human and mistakes is just a part of life - but when someone continously hurts you with their mistakes and doesnt seem to learn from them, when is enough enough? I would love to think I could give him yet another chance and forgive and start off fresh with each other, but he not only cheated but created a child which will be a part of him forever. Yes Ive made mistakes in my life but none inwhich hurt someone as deeply as he has hurt me.. I still love him, but I need to learn to love myself more because what kind of person am I if I let a man do all these horrible things to me yet I keep on giving him chances? I think why Im finding it hard to let him go is because Im inlove with the man I "wished" he could be...insted of the man he is.. I keep thinking, what happens if he changes and becomes the man he says he can be (loving, loyal, trusting, faithful), but some other girl will get to enjoy him and I wont if I just walk away now...Stupid way to think because thats not him right now and may never will be... but my silly little mind keeps ahold of that thought.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (9 March 2010):
You may find it hard to forgive him but you can if you want to.
Just open your mouth and say it aloud that you will forgive him.Force yourself to say it if you have to.If you still cannot , ask God for his grace and strength to do it.
Though you may not feel it but you have started an event in your mind .The tongue have given a command to the brain to forgive him .
Your mind will slowly change and you will find forgiveness will release all those pains in your heart.
It is easier to forgive him when you think that not all of us are perfect beings. We are only human and bound to make mistakes.
Who does not make mistakes in their life's?
Have you make any mistakes in your life? Would you want God to forgive your mistakes ?
If you really want him to get out of your life,you will need to go somewhere far away and where he cannot find you . You can then live a new life.
If you think he is the only person you want to hang out with then you need to forgive him, wipe your slate clean and start a new life with him over again.
Those are your options.
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A
female
reader, Hard_decision +, writes (9 March 2010):
Hard_decision is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do hang out with my guy friends - but Im not keen on anything with another man right now.. I rather not make my situation even more complicated or hurt someone later when I know Im not ready right now.. I dont know how to forgive him for what he did, I would love to forgive him so I can let go of the pain, but when I think about what hes done it makes me so angry and it sticks in my mind constantly. Im not one to hold grudges or hate people, but Im finding it hard to accept whats happened and let go. I guess it doesnt make it easier when he is always contacting me telling me that hes not giving up on us and will show me he's changed. Ive asked him to just leave me be because Im getting pretty down as Ive been stuck in this same situation and feeling for 8 months now and it isnt pleasant and it hurts more to hear from him. He says he loves me enough to let me have my space, but then an hour later he will message telling me he hates the situation and wishes we were ok. I know I should change my number, but dont want to for business reasons... Ive been ignoring his calls and messages and was doing okay, but then he turned up at my place because I wasnt getting back to him and he was "worried" about me. Im slowly getting back out into the social scene and meeting new people, but I always cancel from activities or catch ups because the only person I want to hang around is him.. Far from moving away totally which I wont do... I dont know how to cut him out so I can move on with my life and live it for me.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 March 2010):
As the famous quote from the movie, Indecent Proposal goes...If you ever want something badly, let it go.
If it comes back to you, then it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never yours to begin with.
So just let go of the person you love, for it is in his happiness, where truly lies your happiness.
Forgive him and bless him.
You will have to forgive him because you will never get closure if you cannot forgive him in your heart.
After you have forgiven him , you still cannot forget him but the pain will ease and you can move on with your life.
Let the past go .
reference;
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-to-let-go-of-someone-you-love.html
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 March 2010):
You now have to throw yourself into your own life. This is the time to really look at your life and work out what you want. Start new hobbies, throw yourself into work, make sure you're going out with friends and having fun. Give yourself plenty of time and care. Believe me, you'll feel so much better for getting rid of this guy when you're over him and you've met a better guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2010): Do things to keep yourself busy! That's what I did . I was never alone. And also I started talkin to the really amazing guy...having a new guy in your life us very exciting. It's something new and fun. Just don't stay with him or you'll end up miserable. You can do it!
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