A
female
age
30-35,
*rie4lyfe
writes:My partner and I have been together 7 years. We have been engaged since 6 months in. I cannot bring myself to take the next step and get married because I’m so terrified of marriage being surrounded by family members in unhappy marriages. Plus I’m unhappy myself Me and my partner have lots of issues The sex sucks because he is so thin his pelvic bones hurt me. He not very experienced with sexual intimacy he’s quiet doesn’t really moan or anything. He doesn’t understand that sex is communication. It’s just tap tap tap and that’s it. Also he’s not much of a giver during sex, im so use to experiencing guys that are so ready to pleasure me first and kiss me caress me but with my partner that is not the case. he just wants his nut and thats it leaving me to watch porn to get myself off. Kissing is kinda awkward because he does not close his eyes when kissing me and puts too much spit in my mouth when trying to French kiss. Ive tried practice with him but it’s just not coming natural at all and I just get impatient trying. Some positives are I love that he does not make me uncomfortable when it comes to women. He always wants to be around me he hates it when im gone which is cute. I have a lot of trust in him and I’m comfortable. I like that he plays guitar and is quiet. He is very clean like OCD clean and he’s a minimalist which I am far from it lol. He listened to what I say.Some issues we are having are we don’t have good deep conversations. That’s important to me. He’s very weird with his humor too. I’m not to fond of his fam I don’t really vibe with them. The biggest problem is my children. he does not like kids. I have two children that I have on weekends ages 9 and 10 from a previous relationship that I’ve raised since they were babies. but my partner doesn’t like them nor want to help or be bothered with them. I also have a 5 year old whom my partner has raised since birth (we got together when I was pregnant). he doesn’t do much for the kids but he does attend important events like doctors, sports games, holidays etc. I do want one more child but I dont know about having one with him based on how he treats my current children and also the fact that I grew up with a step parent that I couldn’t stand and that still effects me in my adulthood. He gets too overwhelmed with them and almost never will babysit them for me. He just wants me and that’s it. This is a problem because he wants a child with me but I’m not trying to have one especially now because of the finances. But I do want one more child.His mother is pressuring us to get married she’s very spiritual and just wants us to get married saying we are living in sin. She’s not understanding the reasons why we still aren’t married yet. Nor is it my partner’s priority to really work on the things to make me comfortable walking across the isle.I feel will always be limited being in this relationship. He has no drive to better himself no ambition just wants comfort and to watch tv when he’s not working. I know many relationships reach this point but I’m just not sure how to overcome it or get him to see them importance of having goals and visions and wanting better for our family overall. He does support everything I do though. I’m not sure if it’s to keep an eye on me or if he’s genuinely interested. I dab in multiple businesses I’ve always been a natural grinder always helping people and wanting better for myself so it’s hard being with someone that doesn’t match that energy. He has no education but he does have a job and pays half rent but that’s it everything else I have to take care of. I’m mentally exhausted. I don’t communicate well I try to and have gotten so much better at it but I’m black and I feel when a black woman tries to communicate how she feels to a black man she’s labeled masculine. I don’t nag I’m all about keeping the peace in the household because I hate drama. And that’s the case here. I’ve went so long without getting my needs met that now I’m bitter and starting to resent him. I love him dearly and want things to work but I’m just stuck and don’t know if we should get married. I feel bad that we have been together this long and I’m still unsure. I feel we’re so different and in a different mental space I don’t feel like our values match. I told him he doesn’t need a woman with children. I feel that he hasn’t been through enough in his life to really appreciate a woman like me and how much I’ve done and do for our family. I’m his first serious relationship idk it seems he needs more experience idk if that’s right to say but it’s how I feel I hope I don’t offend anyone I just need some guidance on what I should do.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (28 October 2022):
 What answers are you hoping for? Did you not like the ones you got last time? If you disagreed, then it appears to want to stay with him, despite all the issues.
Nobody can force you to leave. Nobody can force you to stay. It is down to you. You know you are unhappy so why are you still there? Is that all you think you are worth?
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (28 October 2022):
 OP,
You already were given answers last time you posted this question.
He is not a good fit for you because YOU have kids and he doesn't LIKe kids (or at least not yours).
How do you think that will affect YOUR children growing up?
If you are still unsure after 7 years, it's because you know he isn't a good fit but you are not willing to break it off because you think it's easier to stay.
You think he will change so you stay and wait, it's not going to happen.
You, AS A MOTHER, should be putting your kids first. ALWAYS. You are not. Not with this guy.
Getting married to him won't change ANYTHING.
He won't all of a sudden love your kids and want to be their father figure.
He won't develop a drive or ambitions.
He won't all of a sudden step up and help out.
He does the BARE minimum. He pays half the rent - though he should contribute to food, supplies, and utilities (though not half as there are 3 of you (you and your kids who are ALL your responsibility) and one of him.
The guy you WANT him to be is not who he is. And you know it.
Stop dragging this out. He isn't right for YOUR little family.
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