A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for 9 months and I still haven't made her orgasm. Fortunately it's not an indictment on me as she has never orgasmed before, although prior to the relationship I had not given a girl and orgasm so I'm not really sure how it all works. I know due to the regular sex I am getting much better, good stamina, different positions, good foreplay, sometimes rough aggressive sex (not too aggressive but she likes it!) and sometimes loving and tender, and I am well endowed so I'm struggling to think what I can do better. Often she is at the point where she couldn't be hornier, and the sex is always very enjoyable, but still I can't get her to come and I'm sure most guys agree that doesn't feel sufficient! The only promising thing I have read which might be the root of the problem is that a number of times when the sex is getting really intense she will start worrying she is about to urinate, and I suggested maybe that means she is about to come, but she freaks out and goes to the bathroom. Is that the prelude to the 'squirting' orgasm I've so often seen in pornos!? If so, is this actual urine that comes out and is it alot? (grim question but I'm just interested!) Also I've read about the clitoral orgasm where the girl starts spasming, but can this spasming come about through regular penetration? Really appreciate clarification here! I just want to please my girlfriend, she does so much for me, so I really appreciate any advice!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell that last post was arousing in itself, I shall reference it frequently to try and improve! I've asked my girlfriend to masterbate when she is back home (she's from Russia) but she says she just doesn't enjoy it because she doesn't get turned on enough, but I'll ask her again. Thanks very much for all your advice everyone, and if anyone wants to add any more keep it coming!
A
female
reader, StrayTogether.com  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Rule number one: All women are different. So if you think you've never understood us before, consider that fate sealed. We all like different things and different things will make us orgasm.
That said, there are ways to work with us. :)
I agree with PERSON12345 regarding masterbation. Your GF should try it. If she doesn't know how to please herself, how can she possibly direct you to please her? A vibrator surely will help, but - if it were me - I'd want to learn to get off without any toys first and THEN add a vibrator to the mix. If you go the vibrator route, try a variable-speed one, where she can control whether it vibrates slowly or quickly, as she may enjoy one more than the other or start slowly and work up to the faster speed.
Regarding squirting, that feeling of pressure like one has to pee is often a prelude to squirting and completely letting go and not tensing up at that moment is supposed to create the best orgasm. I disagree that it's "best" and don't find that type of orgasm all that great. Your GF, however, having experienced none ever might find this quite satisfying, though she needs to get over the fear of peeing all over. I would suggest her giving the release a try and either putting towels down beneath where she is or trying sex in the shower, where there won't be any mess to clean up.
No, it's not pee. It's female ejaculate and, frankly, if you're in the shower, neither of you are likely to even notice the clear, odorless liquid.
Regarding G-spot orgasms, the majority of women don't have them. I think most women just don't know how to operate it themselves. For me, it feels exactly the same as a clitoral orgasm, and it's easier for my guy to operate my clit, so we don't bother with G-spot.
Vaginal orgasms during intercourse are typically G-spot oriented and, again, the majority of women don't have them. The penis just doesn't rub the G-spot the right way, so, while intercourse is quite pleasurable, it doesn't create an orgasm.
Regarding clitoral orgasms - the most common among us - it's different strokes for different folks. Some women like it soft and long, others hard and fast, and yet others may like a circular motion, but specifically to the left or right, etc. And you and your GF need to find out what works for her.
To find the right clitoral orgasm, have your girlfriend get in a comfortable position where she can truly relax. A place where you can ensure there'll be no interruptions or anything else that you think would make her tense up or stress. If she's afraid of the peeing feeling, get lots of towels to put under her or otherwise protect the surroundings. You can help her to feel comfortable by assuring her that even if she did pee (which she won't - Google it), you wouldn't care - you just want to help her achieve this amazing feeling.
Get some good lube, just in case. Probably won't need it, but there's nothing worse than some guy rubbing your clit when it's dry! Make it flavored, so you can safely switch between your hands and your mouth.
When you touch her, don't go straight for her clit! I call this the kamikaze method and it so often fails. You can start with applying body lotion or using massage oil, or touching her in other non-sexual ways and then lead up to playing with her breasts, nipples, inner thighs, etc. A little build up will get her worked up. Tell her how sexy she is, how much you love her body, etc. Watch some porn, if that's what you're both into.
When you do move to the promised land, start slow and don't go straight for the clit. Some of the most sensitive nerves are in the hood and rubbing it the right way can send waves of pleasure through her. Try different methods - up and down, around, left/right, etc.
Pay attention to what she likes! Listen for moans and changes in her breathing. When you hit on something she likes, her legs will naturally spread further apart. Something in the "not so much" category, and they'll come closer together.
Change up what you're doing ... if she likes both up and down and circular, then do one for a minute or two and then switch. Too much of one thing doesn't typically cut it long term.
Now and again, place one or two fingers in her vagina for a few strokes, and then go back to playing with her clit. The few second break from her clit will make her eager for more. Continue going back and forth like this (assuming it's getting her hot) and after a bit - when you feel the time is right - play with her clit with one hand and stick your fingers in her with your other. Use your ring and middle finger (if two fingers) palm facing upward and slightly curved. This will gently rub her G-sport as well as her clit, and the feeling is amazing!
Again, if all this is working, as she gets more excited, her breathing becomes heavier, her legs are further apart, etc., rub a little faster and a little harder, but not too much at once ... make sure her body language is still reacting positively ...
A few tries at this, and you're sure to find the combination of things that work and can use them time and time again.
Now, all THAT said, some women have orgasms having just their breasts played with, during anal sex, or in other ways, so we'll go back to the beginning: We all operate differently, and someone as dedicated as you are will find the right buttons to push.
I randomly read sex books at the store and have one that I highly recommend, but I'm not sure I'm permitted to link here. If you're interested, send me a private message.
Good luck to you both, and bravo to you for wanting to please your partner.
Fondly,
Jill
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 person12345 is absolutely on point. try stimulating her clit (which is that little bud on the outside) with a vibrator or even your mouth.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Well I can tell from reading this you really want to give her an orgasm and that's great, she's lucky to have such an enthusiastic partner. But from how much emphasis you put on the sex part of the post versus the other sexual stuff, I can tell you're missing the two most important things for a woman to orgasm. First though, you mention she's never had one before. Without her knowing her own body, I don't think you can expect to get this done. She needs to get masturbating and bring herself to orgasm first. If it's really hard for her, maybe a vibrator would be a good investment. It's very hard to have an orgasm with hands alone, and not knowing what an orgasm feels like already would make it VERY hard. Once she's been rubbing away and has successfully had one, we move on to what you can do to have them together. One, MOST important is foreplay. Great foreplay would get her close to orgasm before you even start having sex. It's not even horrible for her to go ahead and have one during foreplay. The other kind is oral sex. Most women cannot orgasm from sex. Only about a quarter can. However, loads of women can orgasm from oral sex. And as for the squirting thing, no she's probably not. You could be hitting her G-spot in a way that's super pleasurable and she's about to explode all over your sheets, or you could actually just be hitting her bladder from deep penetration. Either way, I wouldn't try for it or try to make her enjoy it if she isn't willing yet. Some women hate the sensation of having their G-spot played with. You shouldn't base anything real on what you see in porn. Usually those women are actually just peeing anyways, and also nothing in any porn is real. Ever. Don't forget, we have very few nerve endings in our vagina. So those women who have raging hour long orgasms just from pounded are totally fake. You need to put all that effort towards her clitoris. Good luck!
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