A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Why do I still cry now and again over a break up that happened 20 months ago?We were together 5 years then she ended it saying she wanted to be on her own. Within a month she had someone else. Only after the break up did I discover she had been taking drugs and sleeping around the last few years we were together.The break up devastated me. Finding out the rest just made me want to end it all. Took me 12 months to get my life back to some sort of normal. But yet, every now and then the memories come back and I cry. Why cant I just forget and move on?
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male
reader, LostGuy  +, writes (15 August 2013):
I'm in the same boat. 7 year 'perfect' relationship ended 15 months ago. It's still really, really tough. Dreaming at night that you're still in that relationship and waking to an empty bed. The only way I find to deal with it is to keep myself busy 24/7 and not to wallow in self pity. make sure you have cut ALL ties. Get yourself to the gym, pub, park, cinema. Get meeting new people and hopefully you'll meet someone special (as will I). Best of luck!
A
female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (13 August 2013):
I did the meet someone else to get over an ex once. It caused a lot of grief, if you are with someone, simply to get over someone else. It fails, and after doing it I realised it`s very selfish on the other person.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (12 August 2013):
 Because you are grieving. You have lost the presence of someone you loved and were probably closer to than anyone ever in your life. Of course you will miss her. If someone dies, you don't stop crying for years, and even then, you will have the odd moment of distress and missing them. And when a loved one leaves you, it is a cruel grief you feel - there is something very frightening about the idea of them carrying on their life, almost in a parallel world, without you. It is the very fact that they have chosen to abandon you that makes it hurt so much.
So go easy on yourself. You are coping with an absence as bad as death, and as permanent, and you also have to live with the knowledge that she does still exist, and someone else has her. I am so sorry. I just hope your self-defence mechanism will kick in for you at some point, and say 'enough is enough' - don't do this to yourself. Think about why she is bad. What is wrong with her. Why you actually don't want her. Look forwards, not backwards. Stuff her. She didn't want you. So it is pointless to want her. The person you want doesn't exist.
I am sorry, though, because it really is horrid to go through. Find someone else. That will give you perspective, and take your mind off her.
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A
male
reader, DKW +, writes (12 August 2013):
It will pass. either put some effort into meeting someone else or stay away from dating for a while and do something different. You might surprise yourself. I was with my ex-wife for nearly twenty years in total, they said it would take me years to get over it...they were wrong!
Soon you will meet someone who will make you forget all about your ex.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (12 August 2013):
 you will. this one is just taking a bit longer because it hurt so much and it all came as such a shock. you said for a whole year, you struggled with getting yourself back to normal. but here you are now, and you're better than you were then. you're still struggling, but only now and again as opposed to all the time like you were before. and in no time, you'll reflect back on how you feel now, and realize you don't hurt at all anymore. it'll all just be a distant memory eventually. time heals all wounds. some wounds just take a bit longer than others. the bigger the wound, the longer amount of healing time.
best of luck, my friend.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (12 August 2013):
 It can take an awful long time to get over a relationship and two years isn't long at all. When you've been together for a long time and your lives have been intertwined you can't just suddenly forget them. However there's a lot of truth in the saying that 'time is the greatest healer' and, as time goes by, you will gradually think of her less and less. Another great 'healer' is meeting somebody else. It's possible you may meet somebody who is actually far more suitable for you and you may start to see your ex in a different light. I've known this to happen with quite a few people. So I would say get out there and look for somebody else, and when you meet them accept them for the person they are and don't make comparisons to your ex.
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