A
male
age
41-50,
*ikeyspikey1976
writes:How do you get over an ex that won't let you go?? I have been apart from my ex for just over a year, he dumped me on new years day 2007, we are in a really complicated place, he apparantly doesn't want a relationship, yet he sleeps around with people on the internet, the crazy thing is, he just won't leave me alone, he calls or texts me, usually when he feels low in himself, or basically I think when he has nothing better to do. New years 07/08 he decided he wanted to be in a relationship agian, stupidly I agreed. two days later, he dumps me again, almosdt a year to the day...How stupid am I? He called me the other day to tell me the song he was listening to reminded him of me, yada yada yada, he will be so lovely one day, then the next time we speak he's so rude to me, nasty, hurtful etc. I just don't get it, I have never been awful to him, i've done nothing but go out of my way to try and make him happy, it's almost like he gets pleasure out of hurting me so much. He has really knocked my confidence, and obviously I have not met anyone new in between, otherwise I wouldn't be in this sittuation. I just cant seem to let go, I've tried , and lost count of the times I have said to myself "THAT IS IT, NO MORE CONTACT" yet each time I give in....How do I get over this awful stage in my life, and more importantly get him out of it too!! He's destroying me piece by piece.....
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male
reader, mikeyspikey1976 +, writes (4 February 2008):
mikeyspikey1976 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi everyone,thanks for the advice, it's been very helpful and reassuring people understand where I am at. I think with me, I just hoped, wished, and so wanted things to work, for him to change. I'm not sure whether I mentioned how much dope he smokes, which I now know is a massive cause of drud induced psychosis, which explains a lot...On the advice you guys have been good enough to give, I called my mobile company this morning, to see what the cost would be to have my number changed, "As your a valued customer, it's free of charge", so when will this happen? "Right away sir, your new number is......" now had I of known how quick, easy and painless it would have been, I would of done it months ago, I have to let go now, I am ready to settle down, and make myself, and someone else very happy!!Thank you all for you advice, it's been very helpful, I think I just needed a kick up the arse from some totally unbiased people.One word of advice for HLLSKITTEN, hon, if he truly loved you, he wouldn't ask of you what he is, emotional blackmail is never fruitful......Trust me, I should know, i've been under it for long enough!:O)
A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (4 February 2008):
 just cut off completel contact, change your phone number would be a start...hes goign to carry on with this until you make it clear you dont wanna know...
if all else fails go on jeremy kyle....he'll tell him off =D
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A
male
reader, polarkite  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Cut him off cold-turkey!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Hi
Once again Collaroy hits the nail on the head.
And he's not destroying you piece by piece, you are.
It sucks when someone has a hold over you, and has a manipulative personaility. But you have just got to be stronger than them! I'm in a similar situation with an ex i used to argue a lot with, that wants to get back together, and within the next day or so, i know i have to tell him its not going to happen. Dreading it, because he is an extremely persuasive person. My mum says hes a nice guy but she doesnt like the way i make a decision and he talks me round. At the end of the day, i let him, only i can put a stop to that. I know i will probably get a bit of abuse hurled at me about me not caring enough about him. We spoke about the negatives about the relationship last night and we now have some thinking to do about if we can change certain things about ourselves, He said if i dont want to try and sort our differences, it will mean i dont like him enough. Thats probably true, but i definately know now that its not what i want. Its just gonna be a tough one getting that over. But we have to, if you dont want him, tell him, and stick to it.
Oh and yes, change the number. Let us know how you get on, and i will do the same.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Change your phone number and see that he doesn't get hold of it....problem solved...Get some back bone and tell him you are better than that and to please not contact you again as you want to move on and don't enjoy being around him any longer...as he is rude and disrespectful and you don't have time or emotional energy in your life to deal with someone who mistreats you....end of story.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 You are the door keeper to your soul. Who do you want to let into your life is in your hands. You need to have stronger will power not to let the wolves inside.You may not be that lucky the next time.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (4 February 2008):
 Hi,
he will continue to destroy you until you have the courage to tell him to piss off.
Why does he have your mobile number? It is so easy to change it , yet you haven't ...why is that?
You are still under his control, like a lot of other girls I imagine who he rings for sex, you're just another one he can call on. Narcistic personalities rely on people like yourself who submit willingly, until you get the courage to break off all contact you can expect more of the same.
You are over 30 and living your life like this, don't you think it is time for a change and maybe just maybe you deserve to have a normal relationship? As long as he is able to text and call you he controls you.
Your fate is in your own hands.
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