A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm wondering if it is unrealistic to think that love can last? I've been with my bf 8 months, things are great, and he's talked about us moving in together in the next year and said that he'd like us to marry and have children some day, which surprised me but makes me feel happy :) Although, I'm tentative about letting myself feel this happy and am kinda hold back about letting myself get caught up in it all.I guess I worry that love doesn't last. My ex bf and I split up after 9 years because he cheated on me, my parents are divorced, and another of my ex bfs (who I split with because I felt we had grown apart after 2 years) has recently started sending me explicit text messages (which I ignore) despite the fact he is getting married next month!So, I guess I worry that love isn't real, or doesn't last... Am I right? Does anyone have a loving relationship that lasts???Thanks :)
View related questions:
cheated on me, divorce, my ex, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2011): Yes, love is real, and it can last, but you can't control what happens in the other person.Chaotic or Families of Origin cause a lot of problems in relationships. In some families, it is standard fare to cheat and have broken homes and lots of issues. Cheating or divorce in a family can create a lot of fear and uncertainty in the grown child, alcholism and drug addiction in families does the same thing (if not worse). My wife came from such a family. She always expected me to tire of her and leave her, nearly 20 years has diminished that fear somewhat, but it still remains.For you to do it, choose your mate carefully, don't go into it to quickly, set standards for yourself and expect your mate to meet those standards as well (such as "no cheating"). But, at some point you just have to have faith, and accept that you can't control everything.Difficult.Most of us, including me, have been burned badly at least once, if not more than that.Do your level best to not hurt someone else.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): there is love! Don't give up hope you will find it. Stay positive :)
...............................
A
female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Yes, the figures of people with lasting love might be decreasing per yer but you can find people who love until they die. There's too many to mention in my community. Unfortunately, a lot of us including me and some people I know have experienced love that did not last but this should not stop us from believing about true love. It really does exist.
However, I asked around from people who have successful marriage lives and asked them how they were able to make it through and I got one common answer. Love should always come with commitment. This is what most people lack today. FYI only, studies have shown that arranged marriages ironically produces more successful marriage, because the couples commit to themselves and to their community (i.e family & relatives).
It's like, sometimes, your love will be tested for one person and then your commitment comes in to hold your love. That's the secret of people I talked to.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): Real love does last but you have to both want it for it to happen,to many people give up on anything that requires hard work
...............................
A
male
reader, zedd  +, writes (14 June 2011):
I had my share of thinking about this myself and what I think is that there are relationships that last - you just need to be a bit... realistic and rational.Chances are that you will find someone with whom you will love each other from the first moment to eternity are pretty low - still, you can find someone who is willing to be with you and you can have good times together, for a very-very long time.Falling in love is easy, you can fall in love with anyone, but I think it doesn't have much to do with a lasting relationship. Though, if you two have a matching personality (not same, matching!), you can talk to each other, you like to do things that the other likes, work together towards your goals in life and help each other - then you can have a lasting relationship.And then you will also start to love each other - but that kind of love is way different from stuff like love at first sight and love as you see it in the movies.You wouldn't split up with a good friend, would you? That's why you should find someone who is not just a partner, but a good friend, too. Find someone like that, enjoy the moment with him and then relax, because that's all you can do.
...............................
A
male
reader, galdegir  +, writes (14 June 2011):
8 months is a little fast to be planning any future with you just yet let alone marriage you both should be careful it isnt just the puppy love stage from a new relationship. Love does last though but it isnt automatically given like in most vomit teen angst holllywood dramas it requires work to keep and sound communication.
Take the time to get to know this gent and don't allow him to push you into something you may not want from him 12mths down the track like marriage. With the other ex who is sending explicit texts to you break the contact change your cell number for your own peace of mind and to avoid temptation if this lad is good for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Love evolves, and you must too. Very long loving relationships are quite possible. Your idea of love has to change as you do, while you age. You have to work at it, and you have to be selfless. You have to find new ways to enjoy each other, and give each other total freedom. Its not easy, but it happens. This is why we have big celebrations when couples reach 50 years together. It really is an achievement to be envied.
All that said - I'm like you. I've been burned too many times. It's hard to open yourself up to more pain. But the wisdom here is, you gotta take the risk, to reap the rewards. Who said that is easy?
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 My parents are married 50+ years. I've been with my guy for 20+ years now. Next door is 15+ years, other next door is 15+ years, across the street is 18+ years. Let's see, keeping on through the neighborhood... 20+ years, a divorce but dating new bf, 30+ years, 20+ years, 20+ years, don't know, don't know, 20+ years, 40+ years, don't know, two who were divorced now together with 5 children between them going on 5 years, 10+ years, don't know, 15+ years, 30+ years, an on the rocks but together 25 years, one where he was divorced and she was not--they're together 16 years, 30+ years, 12 years, 25+ years, nearly 30 years, 25+ years...
I'm getting bored now. Sorry.
The point is that there are relationships that last. Some do not but many many do. It's a leap of faith, to decide to share your life with a man. It's nice to hear a guy talk about the future but don't let him rush you if you are uncertain.
Be sure you enjoy the good times and happiness now, though. Enjoy the moment! And block the ex, you don't need that kind of toxicity in your life. Blech!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): I haven't, but know many who have, there are no guarantees are there? I have often felt like you and wondered whats the point it'l only end in tears..
But I think of all those who didn't give up, who are still happy and together, so why not you? One day you'll meet somebody and he will be worth sticking around for - maybe its the one your with now
Just go with the flow - don't question, enjoy
...............................
A
female
reader, zebralove +, writes (14 June 2011):
 Love is a real emotion created in humain brain. Love can last if the two ppl want it to last and are ready to work hard for it and make sacrifices.
...............................
|
