A
female
age
51-59,
*ngy
writes:Last year after ending a 20 year marriage i started seeing a guy from work who had been flirting with me for several months, although it had nothing to do with my marriage breakup.He's 20 yrs older and has a partner who he isn't that happy with, and i know i was wrong to react to his flirting but i ended up finding him irrisistible.I ending things 3 months ago because i got fed up, even though he suggested at least 3 times we should get a place together and my children and me live with him. He was very keen on me, educated, fit, goodlooking for age and i loved his attentions as i've never been treated so well by a man, he cooked lovely meals for us and was a gent. This weekend i met him for lunch for the first time since ending our relationship to catch up, i had a feeling he was seeing a lady i work closely with now and he told me they had been seeing each other off and on for 2 years! Apparently, he'd ditched her for me but still went off to see her occasionally for sex every couple of months while i was seeing him. All the while us 2 women were working together quite closely as almost partners not knowing he was stringing us both along while he would also join us in our work sometimes. He says he couldn't believe his luck as i have told him how hurt i am that he was doing that. His partner knows what he's like and that he has affairs occasionally. My question is should i tell my female colleague that this man was having sex with us both at the same time last year. He's is still seeing her but from what he says it is just a fwb situation.I know its a subject which will get me some bad answers but i would like some advice.
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Okay so your not going to tell her?. Why are you still talking to this man? He isn't worth your time. God i can't understand some people
A
female
reader, angy +, writes (8 March 2008):
angy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe one thing i forgot to say is that i don't think it would make any difference if she knew, she'd still carry on asking him to meet up with her. It seems although she's frendly, good company ect., she really does have a kind of cold side to her personality. The guy at work brought this up when we were discussing the situation and i had mentioned many months before to him that this is what i had thought about her. So she really is perfect for a man who wants a non emotional affair!
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A
female
reader, angy +, writes (8 March 2008):
angy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your thoughts, i have been through abit of an emotional rollercoaster this week. Older sister you gave me sound advice for the future and its something i certainly will try and keep up for the future.
My colleague is nearer to his age, her husband of 30 yrs left her several years ago and hasn't had a relationship that i'm aware of since. So it looks like they are a couple of older people making each other happy!
I'm younger and i know i can find a proper relationship with someone my own age, so i've decided to put it down to life experience and move on. I almost told my colleague but couldn't bring myself to do it, she's pleasant and friendly, but quite cold and kind of on her own in a sense, so she probably suits his needs and i'm better off out of it altogether and let them get on with it.
It is very hurtful though and my stomach is churning cos i do like this guy and i have found it difficult to face my colleague and only managed to smile at her twice this week! I think others at work have realised i'm not myself at the mo.
So i've decided to leave my job and move on as it's what i have wanted anyway, the only thing which has held me back for the past year is that i like this guy so much and my job is really lovely, trouble is the pay is terrible and as i'm now without a hubby i have to step up my income.
I think this is the good that has come out of it all, my emotions need me to move away from them both to get him out of my system and i feel quite positive about my plans, it's given me a reason to move on and now I'm ready.
Thanks for being so kind with your answers i know i deserved some good ticking off really!
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A
female
reader, angy +, writes (8 March 2008):
angy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your thoughts, i have been through abit of an emotional rollercoaster this week. Older sister you gave me sound advice for the future and its something i certainly will try and keep up for the future.
My colleague is nearer to his age, her husband of 30 yrs left her several years ago and hasn't had a relationship that i'm aware of since. So it looks like they are a couple of older people making each other happy!
I'm younger and i know i can find a proper relationship with someone my own age, so i've decided to put it down to life experience and move on. I almost told my colleague but couldn't bring myself to do it, she's pleasant and friendly, but quite cold and kind of on her own in a sense, so she probably suits his needs and i'm better off out of it altogether and let them get on with it.
It is very hurtful though and my stomach is churning cos i do like this guy and i have found it difficult to face my colleague and only managed to smile at her twice this week! I think others at work have realised i'm not myself at the mo.
So i've decided to leave my job and move on as it's what i have wanted anyway, the only thing which has held me back for the past year is that i like this guy so much and my job is really lovely, trouble is the pay is terrible and as i'm now without a hubby i have to step up my income.
I think this is the good that has come out of it all, my emotions need me to move away from them both to get him out of my system and i feel quite positive about my plans, it's given me a reason to move on and now I'm ready.
Thanks for being so kind with your answers i know i deserved some good ticking off really!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): i am surprised that you are not backng away from him as quickly as possible - this has got to be a situation to distance yourself from - maybe easier said than done but he sounds all bad news and bad future prospects - no prospects of happiness with this guy - leave him to sort his mess with the other woman and keep out of it - is my advice but i dont think you will take it - sorry it seems you enjoy the prospct of telling her. i think you are headed for regrets if you have anything more to do with this one..
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (5 March 2008):
Yes tell her! and then come back and tell us what happened!
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A
female
reader, angy +, writes (5 March 2008):
angy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the messages so far, i haven't done anything yet but to give alittle more info ... I talked to him alot at the weekend and he seemed very remorseful as i wasn't angry just hurt, he later messaged me saying thanks for still being friends and that he had shaken off his mr wonderful coat of many colours and wasn't sure who he is anymore. (He's Mr popular at work and knows it, a big flirt with everyone) he said he's able to love more than one person, and thought he may tell my colleague about us, he doesn't want to lose her, or me if i want to rekindle things, as we are his best friends. When i stopped seeing him last year he was exceptionally hurt, bought himself and partner two new cars and started seing my colleague full time to get over losing me, and kind of stopped talking to me unless i made a point of being friendly with him. I found this incredibly hurtful as i thought we were so close last year. anyway, i may tell my colleague discretely today or tomorrow, I'll let you know the outcome. thanks everyone, more oppinions and thoughts are still welcome.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 It is better to let sleeping dogs lie
for if you wake them up
you will get their fleas.
What you don't know won't hurt
but what you let out
will change the world.
Do you enjoy the present?
Or are you not satisfied with it?
Do you want to rock the boat?
And if it sinks , will you save your life?
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A
female
reader, iAintYourAunt  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Some people are such jerks. If you tell this lady, it could backfire on you. You could become exposed and be made out as a loser. But, only if he says you are lying. If you are confident enough that you're 90% sure he won't just call you a liar, then absolutely go for it. It would be best for the other woman if she knew. I hope you have learned somewhere between now and then it's not good to get involved with an adulterous man. If he's not happy with his current partner, he probably wouldn't be happy with you either. What a jerky guy!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 He's screwing around on his partner with not one, but two women at work? Wow, he is truly a Prince Among Men, isn't he? What a prize! Under these unfortunate circumstances, I'd say Go For It and tell her. It would certainly serve him right if his sex life outside of his "Partnership" dried up. AND poor her, by the way. You are both well rid of him!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): Yes absolutely, tell her she should know.
I can't see any harm in that at all. The wife would be the only one who shouldn't tell.
Tell her, I would.
Please, Please, Please let us know what happens, O am dying to know!
All the best. Sorry you in this situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): honey i hope you were using protection,if not get your self checked,if you get bad results, only then i would tell her what was happening last year [so she can be tested too], if the tests come back as clean as a whistle count your lucky stars and keep quiet, there is no point of causing a disruption or letting everybody at work know about your private encounter, after all he is a married man and you knew he was off limits, but at least you did the right thing and ended it, he's not worth the trouble or your reputation sweet, let his wife deal with him,stand strong and leave him in your past good luck!
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