A
male
age
51-59,
*ohn_dev_plus
writes:My wife hsa been contacted by a person that she was deeply in love with. It has been 5 years. She was hurt. She has been contacted by email. He has professed his love and feelings. Sh ehas told him she is married, could do a friendship. She has told him that she did love him, but it was just timing that they did not get together. Now he has planned to come across the the US for a convention. He told her he was coming cause she was there. I have said be careful but said that I support what ever she does. She has told me what they will dobut lied about taking a day trip in the mountains. Also, she got upset when I said that I may be home during a period that I told her I was out of town.She loves me dearly, we have a good sex life, she does not seem to want to go on trips with me -- even with day trips.I think that them getting together sounds like something will happen. She is still in love but has "gotten past" it.I plan on letting her do what she wants even (sa much as I'd hate it) sleep with him.What do I?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Uh....NO! You sound like a man who is truly in love with his wife.....a man so caught up in love, that you will sacrifice your own beliefs and morals for the love of your life....DON'T DO IT....DON'T ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN! Let your wife know that you DO trust her, but that this trip with the EX is out of the question. Tell her that as your wife and as a woman that "she must not give the impression of any immoral conduct"! If she truly loves you...then she will not go on this trip with her EX! YOU must not let love make you a fool! Take a stand now.....
I know that LOVE hurts at times, but you must not be a fool for love!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): You sound like a really nice guy towards her, letting her go on the trip, and supporting what she does, but is this what's right for your marriage? I really think you should ask her why she would want to go and make friends with an ex, after he hurt her. I don't understand her train of thought here. If it ended quite badly between them, and now she's happily married, why would she rock the boat? I think you really should ask her all these questions, and questions of your own, that you're undoubtedly thinking.
I doubt that she would sleep with him, or do anything that extreme, so you need to have trust in her. Obviously, you know what she's like more than me, so you'll no whether she's a person that is likely to cheat or not. Is it in her personality to?
Make sure you talk to her - she's your wife, after all. But I don't really understand why she would go with her ex, in the risk of upsetting you dearly. How have you acted with her when she told you this? Really, you need to tell her all your feelings. Explain to her why you're worried, and get her to either decide not to go, or reassure you. I think this is what you're needing, not reassurance from us, but from her.
Good luck :]
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (6 February 2008):
 You're going to do what??? You'd let or allow your wife to sleep with someone else. I'm sory, but it sounds like you're compromizing your belifs, which means your character and integrity compromizes right along with it.
She said she's married. I'm sorry, but for her to go on a tip, being married, with her ex, that is abot as disrespectful and inappropriate behavior as you can get within a comitted marriage.
Of course you'll make your decision. Ask yourself this, not particularily with your situation, how do you view marriage? How do you see how two people in a marriage should treat the other? Your answer there should tell you what to do. I view marriage as a unity between two people who love eachother. I have a simple rule when I'm in a relationship. "You cheat, your gone." I don't do that because of the act itsself. I do so because of what's tied in to cheating. Someone who cheats (1) knowingly takes part in an activity that they know will hurt someone they love. I don't know about you, but I don't go out and find things to hurt people I claim to love. (2) Cheating is a sefish act that proves disrespect to the one they cheated on and to the unity of the relationship between them.
If she was "all there" in the marriage, she'd tell him, "we had our chance, I'm married now, so out of respect for my husband and our marriage, I'll have to decline your offer. thank you anyway." That would be the proper was of what she should do.
If you don't believe it's OK for a married person to cheat, then do not accept it in your marriage. Your living with your wife, not an escort. I think if she goes, she done pissed all over your marriage and everything you have together.
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