A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Normally you'd get a woman asking this question, but no, it's also happened from a male perspective as well.I'm 31, and my wife's 28. We've been married for a month now.For the past few weeks my new father-in-law's been sexually harassing me.It began at the wedding, when, as I needed to go to the bathroom, I was washing my hands, and my father-in-law came behind me and asked me about my penis size and began describing his sexual fantasies about me to me. I told him "NO" and to get off me, but he then tried to kiss me.My best friend, who was also my best man, heard the commotion and rushed to help me. He told my father-in-law to stop, and my father-in-law just said he was a bit drunk. I let it pass that day, and put it down to him being stressed about the wedding.Nothing happened until about 2 months later...However, since then, he's continued to try to get me to sleep with him whenever my wife's not around. He even said to me once "Dump the wife, get off with me instead!" and began singing Rod Stewart's "Do Ya think I'm Sexy?" to me.Now it seems as if I can't trust him. He acts all like the responsible father-in-law whenever my wife and mother-in-law are around, but whenever they're not he tries flirting with me, which creeps me out. Once, he even stripped to his Y-fronts whilst my wife and my mother-in-law went shopping and tried to get me to kiss him, and said to me how sexy I was. He then showed me a porn DVD and I said no way am I going to watch this.I felt uncomfortable that day, and worry about him trying it on with me again.It's affected my sex life with my new wife. I've barely been able to have sex with her because of this.I can't tell her this because I feel if I tell her this she won't believe me since she idolises her father, and I worry about the consequences.What should I do?? I'm getting stressed and feel worried everytime we go down to her parents (which is every other weekend).I need help, and can't cope.Matt
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Hi, Sad to hear this but theres's a solution.
1, Tell your wife, but you cannot tell unles yu have physical evidence.So, if you can possible install or use some surveilance cameras, like the burton ones.. loads of them about. that will catch him in action. once you can do that a few times.. then present it to your wife... that'll settle it. The most impotant person here is your wife, she's suffering as a result of this. Be careful also, as this evil doer may result to blackmail if you resisted too long... boy that would be difficult fir the,,,,, pls catch himt.. so yu can enjoy your wife......
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): Yes, prayer is very important. But faith without action is dead. If he's done all he can to stop his father, then he needs to take the next step(s) to save his marriage. Love hurts sometimes, but his wife will understand and Admire her Husband in the long run. Also, confrontation will Stop her Dad (if he really Loves his daughter).
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (19 November 2008):
 *Just a note......My frist thought was to tell him straight out NO! and don't approach me again....My second thought was to tell his wife!.........Third was maybe if he tells his Mother_In_Law. No matter who he tells however the Marriage is already suffering. The closeness between the daughter and Father will become strained and chances are she will withdraw or not believe the story. In any senario the young lady will be affected. This young man loves his wife so he is taking the brunt of the problem to protect his wife.
I have offered some alternatives so that he might be able to find some refuge from the storm. If denying the Father and declining any effort to accept his advances hasn't stopped him I am not sure that violence will. It will only harbor more trouble because the Father is already adored by his child. She isn't going to understand why her Father has been accused and most likely isn't going to believe it. The young man will be on a loosing side from the get go.
Unfortunantly the man is sick to act like this to start with and if his failed attempts haven't swayed his way of thinking thusfar then the only real solution could be to remove the temptation by moving further away. He can do this descretly without even letting on as to why he moved. (different job, better house or neighborhood. etc).
Pray for the Father_in_Law that he will let it be...pray that he will let his daughter be happy, pray that he will come to his senses and act like a decent human being. Pray that he lets his human lust be forgotten and be the Father and Father_in_Law that you both need. Whatever it takes Pray without Cease.....Prayer give you solitude and inner peace when you don't find it anywhere else. :)
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I'm sorry you're stressed out, (anyone would be!), but if you do nothing, your wife will be suffering too, and she'll feel like your losing your love for her.
If she admires him, then she's admiring a Lie. Her dad is a Sick man.
It's one of those 'honey, we need to talk' times. She'll be upset at 1st, but if you tell her he's affecting your marriage, then her instincts will kick in to preserve your relationship. They'll be tears, but the hurt will pass in time.
If her dad really loves her, and wants her to be apart of his life, he will quit his disgusting ways.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I really think it's time to step up as a man and threaten him good. You've been respectful to him, but he's thrown that respect in your face.
He's ruining your marriage.
You need to Threaten him if he doesn't stop his perverted ways, you will Tell his Wife and Daughter (sons if any), and if you can get your anger up enough, say if he comes near you, you'll kick him where it counts.
(Try taking a self defense class, it really gives you confidence)
If you're familiar with Lorraina Bobbit story, she Cut her husbands manhood off! (He was manipulating and forcing her into sex for a time. She finally had enough and did it to survive)
You can't reason with a man(i question that word for him) like that.
You can do this, you don't need to live this h-ll.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): . . . and as for Blue Angle's suggestion of you praying for him - that's a good idea. Pray that his balls turn into cubes and fester at the edges. If they do, you can believe that There Is A God.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): I would like to believe your story because we have to trust people are not wasting other peoples generous time in trying to help. If they do waste peoples time they are the ones that need help with perhaps other issues. Some stories are harder to believe than others. In your case I don't think assaulting him (punching him) would really be the answer in that he could just turn around and get you put in prison. However what is important is that he is sexually abusing you and it wouldn't matter whether it was someone you knew or not. Your case is unusual but I would suggest you get clarity of your feelings and possible steps to take by calling a domestic abuse helpline - there are many in the UK. In the meantime you should, surely, find at least 3 or 4 weeks worth of weekends when you cannot see him. You have a new wife so you have the perfect excuse to be busy - plan some weekends away etc - do whatever it takes. You are risking more (your wife and your future) by keeping this quiet. An alternative is to try and record (sound) evidence of his behaviour. Please get professional help and if necessary, with evidence, contact the police. If he has done this to you I dread to think who else he may have done it to - and that could involve children.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (19 November 2008):
 Tell your wife, your best man heard it happen at your wedding so you do have a witness dont you?.
And I agree totally with uncle Phil, if this is true why havn't you punched his lights out by now. I bloody would have and I am a woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): If this is a real situation, and I have my doubts about that, why the hell didn't you just punch his lights out when he first approached you in that manner? I think I would have done - and then announced to all the wedding guests that your father in law was a closet poofter who'd just tried touching you up in the shithouse, and that's why he's got a bloody nose.
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (19 November 2008):
Since you have done just about everything to keep him at bay and it isn't working you might have to consider taking a job in a different town and moving. At least then your time with your new Father-In-Law will lessened and your time alone with him will be rare.
Always try doing things as a foursome when you do visit. Go to movies together, or dine out. If you are visiting the in-laws allow yourself to be excused instead of being alone with him so that you may visit with old friends or other family members. Allow your wife more time with her parents. You have to play it off carefully as not to upset your wife or draw attention that something is amiss.
It is a delicate situation and you could try consulting with a Pastor or counslor. Try to remember that your wife is innocent of this, don't allow her to suffer for his lack of judgement and decency. It's hard to even be cordial to someone who is putting you in this terrible place and causing you the emotional stress you are dealing with.
This problematic situation can destroy your marriage. Find the help you need in coping. Find ways to be less a part of the Father-Son-in-law tradition and move if you have to. Don't let him break up what could possibly become a happy home. You and your wife deserve the best that God has intended.
Writing here in this thread shows you love your wife and you don't want to loose her. Don't let him push you into a divorce. Be strong and do some thinking, get help and work on distancing yourself from your Father_in_Law.
Pray for your Father_In_Law, God has plans for you.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
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