A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone! Ok i'd like a little advice because i feel so bad not knowing what to do or say. 2 Weeks ago my wifes dad died. The funerals was last week etc and after that she seemed to be alright. Well not alright but she was coping..I think i was wrong! :(Shes one of these that seems to hold everything back but i;ve noticed before when shes been upset thats shes much better in the day. Shes able to laugh, able to talk, able to be herself....well not totally but you know what i mean shes much better. Its at night it gets to her. She won;t come to me because shes afraid of being upset. I've known her all my life! We were friends before we got together, we;ve known each other since school and shes always been the same! She should know not to be afraid by now. Ok i admit i'm crap at this stuff when people are upset i egt a bit uncomfortable because i don;t know what to say or do. I;ve noticed for afew nights shes been restless and the other day she woke up virtaully in tears(i was already awake) and she turned straight over and looked at me and just wouldn;t move. Since then shes admitted that shes been having nightmares that she's loosing me and with the way shes feeling right now its realy getting to her. Shes frightened, shes upset, shes afraid that she'll annoy me to much and she shouldn't do. I never know what to say to her i dont know what to do. Is there any way i can help her? She just goes up to bed an i'l say i'll be up in a minute and she just says she don;t mind do what i need to do and by this time shes virtually in tears. Obviously i follow her up but i just want to help her! i don't want her to feel this way and i wish i could just stop all this. Of course shes gonna be upset because of her dad but te scared of loosing me is just....well surely she knows she won't i can;t do anymore than tell her that. Also she keeps thinking about things that happened years ago, what we went through when we got together(how she felt back then), some problems i had back when we were late teenagers. Anyway i won;t go into that shes just basically upsetting herself more and i need to help her out of it.please help what can i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, babymama99  +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Just Hold Her.
Don't say anything, don't try to make her talk about anything. Just sit beside her, or lay beside her and just reach out and hold her in your arms. That is worth a thousand words. Kiss her on the forhead or on the top of her head (nothing sexual). And just hold her.
Men tend to try to fix things, I think its just in your nature. But sometime we need you to just be there.
You sound like a very caring and loving husband. I'm sure all will be ok.
God Bless!!
A
female
reader, betty_black +, writes (18 June 2009):
 My best friends Dad died when i was thirteen and i didn't know how to handle it either. The important thing is to just let her know youre there for her and listen to her, she wont want talking at right now. Just give her a shoulder to cry on and comfort her. Dont act different around her, just try and make her laugh, cheer her up. It wont take away the pain but it will ease it. She just needs to know you're there.
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A
male
reader, ego  +, writes (18 June 2009):
A romantic gesture...
Surprise her with a dinner or romcom movie night. Say to her it doesn’t matter how she feels or what she thinks, you’ll always be there, even if she doesn’t believe you will, you will, always.
Tell her this, kiss her and tie a ribbon around her wrist and yours and stay like that for the whole night, if she goes to the loo - you go too! sounds silly but trust me psychologically this will create a bond that she will feel more than words - sometimes with have to manifest our emotions in a physical way for them to be heard - believe in it and it will work, if you don’t she will sense it and it wont.
But think about it, it will work. Sometimes the simplest easiest things do the trick.
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