A
female
age
36-40,
*ashoo
writes:Dear people, I'm angel, currently 23 years old. I was in a relationship for almost 4 years during my engineering graduation. we had a very cute kind of a rapport, we were very good friends to start with as he was my batch mate and then fell in love with time. he is a very intelligent guy and has great other talents as well but because of his bad mixing, he became in-attentive to his studies and started faring bad in exams wherein i was doing pretty well. That's when the rift started between as and he used to indulge in frequent break ups and fights with me. but they all used to get sorted out as we both loved each other a lot and he would always come back to me and so would i. but the things were getting worse. we had a big break-up for about 4 months when we both weren't even talking to one another. he broke up with me because he was too tensed with his career and had family pressure as well. he had been too harsh with me then and i was deeply hurt to have him leave me when i needed him the most. after 4 months he again came back to me and cried saying that he was sorry for what he had told me and done to me and that he couldn't live without me. I accepted him back as i loved him strong and also that his GRE was coming up and i dint want him to waste his time not studying. Things became okay for a a few months but he again tried to leave me when things were not okay in spite of telling me he won't do it again.Finally when we passed out of college, after a month he suddenly stopped taking my calls. that was the time when i was getting admitted to universities for my masters and he was about to join his service in different cities that is. he always wanted to do research but due to some reasons he couldn't apply to universities that year. he was depressed about it true, but he just didn't feel what i was going through. a few days later i came to know that he was thinking of parting ways with me as he told this to his friend. I got very annoyed at this and out of impulse i deleted his email accounts (as i had their passwords known to me)and insulted him on a public forum saying that he was a loser and my parents weren't approving of him as my guy. Then i also messaged him ridiculing his career and looks and told him that he was a good for nothing and a kicked out dog and that he wouldn't ever get a girl and that he was an impotent blah blah all kind of nonsense and abuses which i still regret having said. that was it .I broke up with him like that and he messaged me back saying that he wishes me luck for the future and not to call him again.its been a year and a half that we have parted ways but i still love him and miss him. a few days back he messaged me and asked me how iam and how my studies are like and whether i have a boyfriend now.i have replied but we talked very formally. i think he still loves me too. i still remember that he had done me a portrait of mine and its sooo beautiful :)meanwhile i have had a small fling with a guy. he knows that but he hasn't yet had any such relationship with any girl.i don't know if its true love but if it is i don't want to lose it. we were so much in love. could he have stopped loving me?please suggest as to what i should do....his message has made me restless.... i want to meet him....oh by the way i have apologised to him for those words of mine. should i make any moves or wait for him to do...or move on....please advise....:)
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female
reader, bashoo +, writes (24 September 2010):
bashoo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Claire,
first of all thank u so much for replying. I think ur suggestion really makes sense and moving on is what we both have tried for the past one and a half years, but have failed miserably. I have not been able to move on and get ahead cos his thoughts keep on running through my mind all the time and I don't happen to get attracted to anyone else. And for him, even he has not made any new connections not even as a friend and he defines his relationship status as "widowed" in all public communities. His messaging me again has made me miss him cos of the thought that it must have taken him a lot to re-communicate with me after what all i had told him.
I don't want to make a decision on the basis of the immaturity we both have shown earlier. He was just 21 when we had parted ways. I don't want to sound whiny but i'm really missing him right now.
I wonder if he is missing me too. But then again I don't want to make the first move :(
A
female
reader, CuriousxClaire  +, writes (24 September 2010):
Well, Angel... that was a detailed story there.. Well i am here to give my opinion, and this is my first attempt at this so bare with me.
When he was splitting up with you randomly and staying away for all different amounts of time and then coming back to you just to do it again, in my opinion it was a cry for attention. He wanted you to beg him to come back to make him feel somewhat superior to you. Whether you did that or not is oblivious to me at the moment but it seems from what you said, that you didn't. But if this man loved you in the way of having a future together he would never have done this. In times of need its when you need the people you love more than anything and you do not in my opinion throw them to the side and hurt them.
And you, if you loved this man in the way you are saying you think you do you would never have belittled him like that no matter what he had done to you.
I think that you should just move on and start fresh with someone new. Because the way i see it is that he is your ex for a reason and it seems like you may not be able to stay away from eachother but you definately cannot stay with eachother neither.. cut off all ties and begin again angel.
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