A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife want's a mutual marriage. That is, she wants to date other men. She wants to find me a girl as well. It's crazy and weird. We live in the same house and have a year old child. I do not know what to do. I have always just wanted to be married and love one another.Anyway my question is, do relationships statically work this way? And What should I do? I might add that, I don't feel that this is morally right, but nowadays I'm told people live this way. I just don't know how it's going to work out. There's so many things that could happen. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2009): Your wife is correct. Now more married couples are finding that dating adds spice to their marriage. Additionally, it acts as sort of a "relief valve" if you will. The stress of life, marriage, work, kids, etc., can all add up for a couple. Having the chance to go out on a nice date is a great stress buster. A couple should also "date each other"; but unfortunately, that is not the same as an outside date, because the married couple will usually end up talking about the broken garage door, leaky sink, kids school, clogged toilet, and other less romantic issues. It is nice to have a date and just have fun. The rush of a new person even comes with new energy, called New Relationship Energy (NRE). It's that great feeling we get called falling in love. That NRE adds excitement and zip to an existing marriage that may have lost some of it's original excitement. My wife and I both openly and honestly date others and enjoy it greatly. The honesty brings us closer together. We don't have to fear if our spouse is "cheating".
The dating is not something new or hard to do. It is just like when one dated when they were single...one person meets a person they like to talk with, one person asks another out for coffee or such - to continue the talk, if that goes well, they decide to meet again. It's not rocket science - we all did it as a single person,and it is really no different as a married person. Our life in general, and new experiences in particular need not stop simply because we are married. We continue to grow in all areas of life - work, education, friendships, etc.
In closing, like the old Nike ad said, "just do it"!
Best of luck to you and your wife.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2009): You need to do this and let her date/have sex with other men. She will tell you most of the stuff that happens and you will have great sex due to it. Say 'no' to her and you never get to hear about the sex she WILL have with other men.
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A
female
reader, alanna_HD  +, writes (31 December 2008):
 I know that i'm a lot younger, and so your probably pretty sceptical about the advice that I could give you, but I guess it's at least another perspective!
I know that you love her and so want to make her happy, but if this in't what you want then you need to tell her, you can't go through something like this just to please her. Your happiness is just as important for your marriage to work successfully as hers!!
Personally I don't think that a mutual marriage can ever really result in a successful marriage. I'm with you, a marriage should be all about loving one and other, and only one another. I'm not making any personal judgments on your marriage, I know that's not my place, but if my partner wanted to freely see other people with my consent, I couldn't help but feel cheated on, like I wasn't enough for him and that would eat away at my happiness, I would never be able feel like I was ever enough for him. And your right, there's so many things that could go wrong..accidental pregnancy? How will it effect your child later in life? What if one of you becomes emoitionally attached to another partner?
I just think that if this is how you feel then, personally, i'd never go through with it. Maybe if you asked her why exactly she wanted a mutual marriage, then maybe there's someway of meeting in the middle..maybe even a threesome?? Maybe that's too personal a thing to suggest but at least that way you can see how you'd both react to seeing your partner with someone else. Or even just agree to 'double-date'..go out for dinner together with a new partner each, and see that way how you feel about your wife being close to someone else on a more intimate and emotional level??
But if your gut instinct says no..then don't do it, but I definatly think you should tell her how you feel if you havn't already made it clear to her.
I hope that's in someway even a little bit useful.
Good luck xXx
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A
female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (31 December 2008):
 My personal expirence is with a mutual marriage, people are just living a lie. Putting on a face for society, family, maybe their children. My parents tried living like that since the time I was three, and I've remembered after all these years. My mother finally decided she couldnt live like that and divorced him when I was twelve. But I understand why people do live thta way, I thnk its a great situation if both partners want it, however if one wants it and the other doesn't well then I don't think it really works out. Again with my parents, my dad was the one who wanted it and my mom didn't. Though they had a few other problems too, so I can't base all my judgement off of their mutual marriage. What it really comes down ot is what you want and how you can possiby work things out with your wife. Tell her how you feel about it and talk it over. Tell her your reasons for why it would not work out, ask her if she still loves you, etc. I'm afraid thats the best advice I can give as far as mutual marriages go. Good luck I hope everything works out ofr you, your wife, and baby.
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