A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. My wife thinks I messed up, and I think that what I did was no big deal. I was out with a bunch of work people after work. I occasionally take my team out for after work drinks/appetizers when we make a project goal. The women started talking about male pubic hair and whether they liked a guy all natural, trimmed, or shaved. Needless to say I was a little embarressed when they asked me what I did. I told them I kept it neat and trimmed, but nothing more. I then said that my wife dated this guy who was so hairy that she almost couldn't see his penis, so I just started keeping it trimmed.Well, my wife asked how the after work gettogether was, and I guess I told her the topic was embarressing, and told her what I said. She is really mad at me. You see, my wife was a virgin and has only been with me and is very proud (and she should be, we both are) of that fact. She said I made it sound like she slept around or something. My feeling is, yes everyone knows she's only been with me, but do they really think that she never ever dated another guy before me? I think it was just casual talk, no different that me saying that my wife thinks Brad Pitt is really hot, but she would never do anything with him.Our marriage is really strong, over 10 years, and 3 kids. Was I wrong, should I appologize, or is she overreacting, and I should just avoid the subject for a few weeks?
View related questions:
pubic hair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): I have always said (some) men have big mouth. They don't gossip, merely spread rumours (lol)I can see the funny side of this conversation. Really I can. But I think your wife is 'hurt' and yes embarrassed. Doesn't matter what u think , she is offended. So be the loving hb you are, buy her flowers, chocolate. Say you are sorry. Dammit grovel if u need. She will get over it (after a while).Regarding the much talked about region: if I find that my hb has untamed hair, I TELL him to groom. We are married (20 years this year) and in our earlier married life he was very natural. As I matured, grew bolder I told him to trim. What started it all was that I had braces so he needed to trim( if u get my meaning).Overall, you did not mess up but your tongue flowed freely. How do I know this: I have also revealed some personal info at work get togethers and know my hb will be pissed if he finds out. Basically everyone at work knows that he is a stud. Blabbermouth, his darling wife!Welcome to married life and the mess up we make. It just helps us grow together.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): everyone needs to lighten up.
you did NOTHING wrong so dont feel guilty. it was a light hearted conversation and these type of topics often come up at work gatherings when everyone is unwinding. to be honest, you spend most of your time with these people anyway and you felt comfortable enough to share it. they honestly wouldnt be giving it a second thought. your wife needs to relax, broaden her mind and have a laugh.
I think your fantastic, honest and loyal to even tell your wife that you said this. even in some ways brave (most men dont want to take the risk of feeling the wrath of a woman scorned).
my partner is very much like yourself and I respect his honesty and loyalty to me. maybe you should remind her of this. lets all face it, she could have MUCH, MUCH worse.
your a good man and dont think otherwise :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Gadgetgirl +, writes (12 January 2011):
My husband has also made many comments that were inappropriate at work parties and his co-workers have done the same. It's different when you're out of the office at a restaurant or bar. We say things that we wouldn't say "in" the office. It builds comradery and it's fun.
I don't think it's a big deal at all. It didn't make her look bad in any way or take away from the special experience that the two of you shared many years ago.
In no way at all would anyone think that your wife slept around after you made the comment you made.
I think she's making a big deal out of nothing. I would apologize and move on. I would ask her to move on too. I think it's comical and I would be laughing if I were there. :)
I think you are a fun guy and I wouldn't worry about it a bit.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2011): you should talk to her and let her know what you really meant.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (12 January 2011):
 What you did was wrong, but it's an easy mistake to make. Leaving aside the complete and blatant disregard your co-workers showed for propriety, as a guy you should know that it's never, ever going to fly talking to female co-workers about sexual stuff, even if they ask.
As for your wife, it was a mistake to talk about that, but I doubt it has really changed others' perception of her. Rather than focussing on real-world effects the way men tend to (which, as you pointed out, are negligible), focus on the affront to her feeligns, the way women would (which are substantial).
Once you've sincerely apologized, made what amends you can, and promised not to do it again, though, the discussion ought to be over. From then on it's all about making up. If you have a track record of good behavior, point it out. Let her be angry for a bit, then try to make her feel better without letting her tear you up over this.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (12 January 2011):
Regardless of whether or not it is a big deal to you, it may have been a big deal to her. You said yourself that you are in a strong marriage of 10 years, which means that most of your arguments are easily resolvable and you two get along. Even if it wasn't your intention, you may have mentioned something that she rather you didn't.
At the very least, you should give her an apology for it. Even if you think you're right, let your wife win this one :)
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 I think you messed up and from your question it sounds like you already know the answer.
I don't think you should've discussed that situation in a workplace and especially her past. It was one thing to talk about pubic hairs about your experiences, but I wouldn't relate any of her stories. Yes, from your description, it might imply she had previous "guy" experiences so her character was impugned.
Either way, I would say this is not a huge deal, but if you want to get out of the dog house I recommend you apologize and pronto.
...............................
A
female
reader, LeahVictoria  +, writes (11 January 2011):
Okay if someone told me this i would laugh so much. Its a work party and this sort of thing gets disscussed and then forgotten about. I have heard much worse.
wow and you even told her.
Obviously she is upset about this so you did cross the line and yes an apololgy is needed.
I dont think you made it sound like she slept around. Tell her how sorry you are and how nothing like it will happen again.
i hope a mistake like this doesnt affect your relationship in any way. We all make mistakes and sometimes not relaize the content of what we say.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Not a big deal, but mortifying none-the-less.
I could see why it would bother her... women are easily slandered (especially vs. a man) Negative connotations of women are easily associated with reference to sexual topics of past partners... I could see her concern.
You probably shouldn't have brought it up, but now that you know that it is a sensitive topic, you can just say that you will never mention anything like that again. You might make her laugh by telling her something gross/funny about an X of yours...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): This is all about respecting your wife's levels of privacy and you learnt - absolutely apologise as she is upset. I agree with the other posts its best to keep private information out of the work context otherwise the boundaries of self respect get a bit mixed up and then you expect to get taken seriously in a meeting at work etc and other people now know what your pubic hair looks like! Too much info! I have made mistakes like you have but my rule now is that I don't bring my personal life to work - whatever is going on as soon as I get out my car and walk towards the office I start my working day and keep it that way. This has served me well and helped my professional image as well as promotion.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): You had no right talking about your wife ex boyfriend pubic hair! I would be horrified if my boyfriend did that to me
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Honestly, I don't think that it was a very big deal and certainly not one to make an issue over, but that is just me.
Your wife is obviously very sensitive about things of that nature so I guess you should respect that. Just apologize, women like that right or wrong :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Apologize. You talked about your wife's sex life (!) at a work-related function (!). Inappropriate on so many levels, if you can't see it, you simply need to keep your personal data to yourself. And ESPECIALLY keep your wife's personal info to yourself. You owe her a big apology.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 My view is that such personal information does not belong in the workplace. If you must disclose your intimate grooming habits to your co-workers that's your business, but anything that might allude to your wife's private life is really out of bounds. Apologize (that's always the smart policy in a marriage anyway).
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (11 January 2011):
IMO your wife gave you the gift of gifts. If all she is asking for is an apology for something that you said that made her uncomfortable, I think you owe her that much.....
...............................
|
