A
male
age
41-50,
*ad and alone
writes:I have been with my wife for 11 years and married for 6. We have 3 children together! A week ago she said that she has no feelings for me in fact she hates me, and she has not loved me for the last 5 years! She wants a divorce! I have always stayed faithful to her! I am lost, scared, sad confused,etc... My question is how and when will the feelings of dread leave me? I am utterly heartbroken!
View related questions:
divorce, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Sorry man but i feel your pain.
Chances are that she was cheating. Bottle up all your anger and pain and use it as fuel. Thats what i did. Just dont let it eat you away. But just know it doesnt get easier. Random things will trigger either rage that i hide or tears that dont fall.
2 years later, it stull hurts but you gotta roll with it.
A
male
reader, sad and alone +, writes (30 March 2013):
sad and alone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI accept that she is gone. it has been over a week since my wife left! When will the pain and tears stop? i have never felt this much sorrow in my life!!
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2013):
 stop letting her do her laundry or use your shower.
change your locks.
...............................
A
male
reader, sad and alone +, writes (27 March 2013):
sad and alone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all of your advice, but i don't see how i will ever be happy again! She wants it over so I have to except that! I have been a stay at home dad so trying to find a job is very hard! Plus my estranged wife keeps coming over be it to do laundry or to use the shower! The problem I have is she has places to go so why does she keep hurting me every day???
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): I'm sorry for this shock you are going through. But realize that your relationship was over 5 years ago already, and the fact that you didn't even know, just shows how dysfunctional your marriage is/was. Your wife didn't just wake up one morning and "hate" you. This was building up over many years until she couldnt' take it anymore. Maybe she had tried to talk to you early on and nothing came of it. Maybe the fault lies with her for not communicating her feelings and needs enough, or maybe with you for not taking heed. Either way, your wife has checked out years ago and tried to hang on anyway until she absolutely couldn't anymore so the relationship is pretty much over so you need to move on, it's too late to try to repair this relationship so don't even try or you will just prolong your pain and healing. You will be OK, don't feel scared. Remember that you didn't always have her in your life, you will be OK without her again. If you're still feeling this intense fear, then please make an appointment to see a therapist. You might need anti-anxiety medication to help get you through these first few weeks and remain functional at work and for your kids.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 I am so, so sorry for your pain. And I am not going to lie to you. It is going to take you a very long time to get past this horrible news. I recommend you finding a good counselor immediately. He or she will be very instrumental in helping you sort out the reality and move on in healthy ways. First of all, I think it's rare that a woman ever suddenly falls out of love quite like this. I suspect there may have been clues over the past few years that perhaps you failed to recognize or understand. Usually when a woman leaves suddenly like this, the sad truth is, they frequently have been having an affair and finally came to the conclusion they want to be with the other man. This would make you feel only slightly better since it's still devastating nonetheless. I am sure there was nothing you did wrong. There is nothing wrong with you as a husband or a man. When a woman becomes attracted to another man, she usually doesn't listen to reason or logic. She follows her primal instincts and this usually ends in the destruction of her marriage. It's not you, it's her. This is where the counselor comes in handy. He or she will help you build back your self esteem and get past this terrible loss. I wish you the best. Don't give up. I'm sure you were a wonderful husband.
...............................
A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (26 March 2013):
Hi - I have seen this happen to a guy with his wife before and its actually because she was having an affair and had discovered that she really didnt love or respect her husband anymore. The more you hear the more you understand that stories such as yours are so common and so normal it says bad things about society in general.Remember firstly that things could change as others have suggested, that there is so much help for you to go seek at this time and mostly remember the kids are seeing and watching and they will be just as scared and upset as you are.... Im so sorry for this difficult time you are facing - it wont seem like it now but eventually you will heal and grow from this.... try to just do one thing you enjoy each day for yourself and not to stress out.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): I'm so sorry. If you don't mind me asking, do you know for sure whether she has been faithful to you or not?. I don't want to worry you, but some people say things like that when they have been unfaithful.
Or have you both had any arguments recently, before she said that?. Has your wife had any other problems recently?.
You seem like a lovely person, and she should feel lucky to be married to you!.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
Hang in there... when I told my first husband out of the blue I wanted a divorce he was floored but not as floored as I was when he said "good now I don't have to ask you"
neither of us had lied or cheated or had someone waiting in the wings...
all is not lost... you are young life goes on....
sounds like you can have a lovely friendly divorce and put the needs of the children first.
contact a good mediator if she's willing to hash it out that way and carry on and keep calm.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 March 2013):
 Here's a "light at the end of the tunnel..."
The opposite of "love" is NOT "hate"..... it's indifference or ambivalence..... Your wife is only telling you that she is going through a phase wherein she is confused about who she is and what she is feeling..... My suspicion would be that there is SOME OTHER incident - outside your home - that has jolted her...
Calm down.... DON'T believe that all is lost and the world is about to explode.... For the moment... ride out what is happening between you and wifey.... and see what is the situation in 3 or 4 weeks.....
Good luck....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2013): I'm sorry.
Okay....not so fast. Sounds like she said some hurtful things in the heat of the moment. Perhaps you have been given an eye opener and a good long serious talk and marriage counseling are in order. Before anyone does anything drastic see what you can do to salvage your marriage. It's easy to walk away than it is to work on it.
...............................
|
