A
female
age
26-29,
*opeless13
writes:I had been with my boyfriend for just over a year. Nothing seemed wrong to me, and then completely out of the blue, he called me and said he thought that we should just be friends. He explained to me that he wasn't ready for a serious relationshio right now, which didn't make much sense to me. We are still good friends. I've accepted it, and I'm trying to move on, but it still hurts and I keep crying about it at the most random times. It also doesn't help that he keeps telling me that he still loves me.What should I do? When will the tears and the hurt go away?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2013): OP we can't sooth the pain, we can only tell you the fastest way to get rid of it and that's distance. You don't get over someone by hanging around with them every day and letting them tell you they love you. You won't get over this pain while you let him be so close to you that you can touch him but just never as close as you really want to be. That's torture.
If you're going to stay seeing him all the time and not make some distance physically then you must do it emotionally. He's not allowed to tell you he loves you anymore, he obviously doesn't if all he wants is friends.
OP a year together is already serious, he broke up with you because he doesn't want to be your boyfriend. It has nothing to do with what he wants right now, it's to do with the fact he had a serious relationship and decided he doesn't want you anymore.
I'm sorry we can't sooth this in a way where you'll be able to accept it and not hurt. We can only advise you on how to get over him faster. OP if anyone knew how to sooth this kind of pain then breaking up would be a fart in the wind, easy and painless. But there's reason why there are so many songs about this kind of heart break, it's the second most intense type after the death of a loved one.
Distance yourself a bit. Hang out with friends but don't sit beside him anymore, no more touching each other, he's not allowed hug you or kiss you anymore, he cannot talk sweetly like a boyfriend anymore OP, he lost all those privileges and frankly it hurts too damn much and leads you on, that's not fair on you.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 March 2013):
 friendly soothing advice... it will pass when you let it.
You do not have to be anthhing more than civil and friendly to him if you insist on being around him.
do not call him
do not facebook him
do not text him or email him.
just smile and be friendly but NOT FRIENDS.
there is no soothing advice
there is no easy way to get over this
if you refuse to distance yourself from him it's like taking a scab you have and every day picking at it and then wondering why the wound never heals.
Only time will heal this since you see no other way than to continue to pour salt in your wound.
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A
female
reader, hopeless13 +, writes (27 March 2013):
hopeless13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou have taken what I have said and looked at it in a completely wrong way. Take into consideration that I am 16 years old, that this is my first heartbreak. I see him every day because we are friends with all the same people and we all hang out together. From what you have said, you are recommending that I now distance myself from my other friends because he will be there.
And yes, I do still consider him one of my closest friends because he has been such a large part of my life for so long. He is still very important to me, and if need be, I would still trust him with my life.
My feelings for him are slight, but I would like to know if you have some idea of when this mix of confusion and tears will go away. Take into consideration that this is coming from a sixteen year old's perspective, who doesn't have years of experience, and is just wanting some friendly, soothing advice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2013):
Hopeless13,
I totally remember being 13 or 16 or 17 as if it was yesterday. 13 was FORTY years ago. DO not think I don’t feel your pain. I can assure you that as you age you will look back on these years with amusement.
I know you think this is a hard thing to do but let’s look at your excuses ok?
“he’s still one of my best friends whether I like it or not”
WHAT IN THE WORLD does this mean? YOU are FORCED at GUNPOINT to make this boy that hurts you your best friend? YOU have NO SAY in who you are and are not friends with? Who forces you to be best friends with him, your mom, your teachers, your religious advisor? WHO FORCES YOU?
You want him so you keep him as one of your best friends hoping it will change how he feels about you. YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE but the choice you make is to be friends with him even though it hurts you. DO NOT blame your choice on other forces. OWN YOUR CHOICE.
Why do you see him out of practicality? Do you live with him? If you see him at school oh well, just smile say “hi” and keep going
The feeling will go away when you let it. It will take time. The first thing you need to do is stop being friends with him. I am sure there are people in your school that you see that you are not friends with. Lump him in that category.
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A
female
reader, hopeless13 +, writes (26 March 2013):
hopeless13 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou say let go, but it's not as easy as it sounds. He's still one of my best friends, whether I like it or not. I see him every day, not out of choice, but out of practicality. Sometimes, I feel okay, like nothing has happened. Other times, I just feel like locking myself in a room and never coming out. I would just like some advice on when this feeling will go away
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2013):
someone else's feelings never make sense to us unless we are having the same feelings (then it's called love)
stop trying to be good friends with him... there is no need and it's painful for you.
once you stop trying to be friends your pain will lessen.
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