A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for almost 6 years. Recently she developed a friendship with a man at work. They became really close and while I was away for work, he came over to say goodbye to her cause he was going away for work also, and things happened. There was no sex, but pretty close. After he left they were in contact for about a week online. She actually said she fell in love with him. I discovered this and confronted her. After a lot of conversation, we both wanted to work things out. She told him she couldn't talk to him anymore and we began to talk about ways to fix our relationship. She said she cheated because she didn't feel the spark between us anymore. I had no idea this was coming. We had the perfect marriage, or so I thought. I understand why she did it, and I love her more than anything in the world. I forgave her for what happened and now focusing on the present and future. Now my question is, its been a couple of weeks and I have been doing everything I can to show her how much she means to me, but she is still so distant. She told me that she was really in love with this guy. Now I know it hasn't been that long, but I feel like I'm fighting for "My Wife". She says she wants to make it work, but she got caught. She didn't wake up and realize she made a mistake. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): you were not at home so how do you know nothing happened. you found out and confronted her. did she say nothing happened???
you are not your wife's doormat. you still have pride, why are you the only one running after her and working on your marriage. if she did not have sex with him, she definately had an emotional affair with him behind your back. you are giving 200% to her and your marriage and what is she doing? perhaps still giving 25% and still pining for this man? please have more respect for yourself even though your wife has none for you.
you say that you understand why she had the affair. what was the reason for her to stray? does it make it right that instead of working out the differences in your marriage she turns to another man. to compound this infidelity she lies to you.
you have been the patient, forgiving man. so faithful , so understanding. its time to be a man now of strength, of determination and perhaps of power. you have given her time and she throws this man into your face. she loves him and not you. what are you going to do. are you going to be her lapdog still.
she may have chosen you (although it doesn't seem this way) but she is so consumed by her lover that she gives NOTHING to you and your marriage. she has already left you and your marriage. her actions are telling you this. what are you going to do? still beg for some crumbs of love and feelings? self respect goes a long way in life and marriage. where is your wife's integrity. it seems as though she has made up her mind not to contribute to the marriage then why is she still with you.
she will just use you, use your finances, your time, your dedication to her. in return she will give nothing. i this what you are .NOTHING. no, you are a decent man who should expect and receive love, compassion, respect from his better half. it is so evident that she does not reciprocate any feelings.
you are not a beggar. so far the patient trusting man has been made a fool of. it's your time now to be firm and to get a firm commitment from her. otherwise she knows where the door is. she has humiliated you for the last time and enough is enough. if you did not caught her, she would still be indulging with his man. she did not bother that she was cheating. she did not worry about her marriage vows. she just thought about this man and continued her affair.
is this how it is going to be from now on. realise this, she has a taste of the other cheating life, she enjoyed it. it is only a matter of time before she does this again. her entire attitude speaks volumes.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): you were not at home so how do you know nothing happened. you found out and confronted her. did she say nothing happened???
you are not your wife's doormat. you still have pride, why are you the only one running after her and working on your marriage. if she did not have sex with him, she definately had an emotional affair with him behind your back. you are giving 200% to her and your marriage and what is she doing? perhaps still giving 25% and still pining for this man? please have more respect for yourself even though your wife has none for you.
you say that you understand why she had the affair. what was the reason for her to stray? does it make it right that instead of working out the differences in your marriage she turns to another man. to compound this infidelity she lies to you.
you have been the patient, forgiving man. so faithful , so understanding. its time to be a man now of strength, of determination and perhaps of power. you have given her time and she throws this man into your face. she loves him and not you. what are you going to do. are you going to be her lapdog still.
she may have chosen you (although it doesn't seem this way) but she is so consumed by her lover that she gives NOTHING to you and your marriage. she has already left you and your marriage. her actions are telling you this. what are you going to do? still beg for some crumbs of love and feelings? self respect goes a long way in life and marriage. where is your wife's integrity. it seems as though she has made up her mind not to contribute to the marriage then why is she still with you.
she will just use you, use your finances, your time, your dedication to her. in return she will give nothing. i this what you are .NOTHING. no, you are a decent man who should expect and receive love, compassion, respect from his better half. it is so evident that she does not reciprocate any feelings.
you are not a beggar. so far the patient trusting man has been made a fool of. it's your time now to be firm and to get a firm commitment from her. otherwise she knows where the door is. she has humiliated you for the last time and enough is enough. if you did not caught her, she would still be indulging with his man. she did not bother that she was cheating. she did not worry about her marriage vows. she just thought about this man and continued her affair.
is this how it is going to be from now on. realise this, she has a taste of the other cheating life, she enjoyed it. it is only a matter of time before she does this again. her entire attitude speaks volumes.
you need to see the situation for what it is and YOU need to make decisons. do not let your wife make decisions for you. you need inner strength during this painful time and know that you will survive this affair. take a deep breathe and make some strong, painful decisons.
there are plenty of faithful women. you just need to goout and find one. they will "die" for a good decent man. and that decent man is you. you have alternatives in life and those alternatives will save you from a life of misery. you just need to be brave.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): It takes two people to make a r/ship work. If one was being caring and nice, and building the other up, but there was nothing from the other person than it just doesn't work. That what the other guy gave her was that attenchen. Give her more love and effection listen to her issues, thats another thing listening to eachothers issues with an open mind. She was drawn to sertain qualities he had, maybe the ones that brought you guys together. recendel thoughs feeling for eachother, she wont talk to you, then why don't you talk while she listens. Think about something that you guys could do with eachother, a hobbie she likes art, music or maybe she would like to go some where, maybe a place that you guys have gone or some where that shes wanted to go for a while and you can share it with you. Make time for her, bc she matters to you.
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A
female
reader, arie +, writes (18 May 2009):
 sorry to say this but your wife may love you but she does not deserve you. dude she already told you that she fell in love with him. u should have left her then. if she is with you and in love with someone else, that should tell you that you should leave. it dosent make sense that you are the one doing everything you can to save your relationship when you didnt do anything wrong, she should being the one on her hands and needs begging to save your relationship. No man should have to fight for his wife ok, no man should be going through what you are going through. its going to be hard because you love her, but dude she already broke her vows. so u need to leave, and if you still want to make it work, i say make her convince you that she still loves you. and if she dosent convince you, there aint no point in wasting your time and stress trying to make something right between a wife that clearly dosent respect the vowes that she made. if she felt like the spark was dying then she should have talked to you about it and figured out some ways that could save the marriage, but she didnt so that tells me she dosent want to be with you but she dosent know how to tell you that. U BETTER PUT YO FOOT DOWN! u the man! you dont deserve to be hurt, ask god for some stregnth and kick her butt to the curve, shell be straight shell just go running back to the other guy,and if she loved u she be begging and pleading to get u back. i hope u like my advice. good luck and godbless
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