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*urferboy52
writes:Me, my wife and step-daughter have a trip planned to Cancun next month. I am 61, very young at heart, and my wife is 51, much more reserved than I. I am extremely concerned about this vacation due to the fact my wife seems to think that I want to go out at night and "dance on bars". I try to explain to her that I would like to enjoy some of the night life there, but have no intentions of acting like a spring breaker! My wife has fantasy-like insecurities thinking I'm looking and interested in other women; I'm not, God is my witness. I love my wife very much and am literally frightened about this trip, please help!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2014): You picked the wrong place not to want to party and have fun, OP. You aswell tell college students to go to Ibiza and not take drugs.
Just stop worrying and stop her worrying from bothering you because the proof of the pudding is in the eating and there's no way you'll be able to calm her fears until you are there.
Just balance your time between doing the boring old people's crap she wants to do like sit in the sun reading, walking around markets looking at ethnic jewellery and doing your own thing.
She and the daughter can head off shopping for while on their and that's your chance to get a kilo of cocaine from the local cartel and go wild.
Jokes aside though, OP, it's a holiday and something to look forward to, stop worrying. Once she gets there and hits the beach, has a few cocktails and loosens up she'll be fine.
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reader, butterflyforever +, writes (11 June 2014):
Why dont you just enjoy it and send her some pictures of some of the places your at during your trip on the phone build her security so she can see your doing the right thing when you go out! :)
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reader, RevMick  +, writes (11 June 2014):
 Hi surferboy,
I'm sorry that you are so worried about the trip. I know when I go to places I am very adventurous and would try things like bungy jumping and other things, where my partner is like your wife and very reserved.
It's a really hard balancing act, you can't help with her insecurities as others have pointed out, but you can reassure her. I would try to spend time with her, but also you do need to do your own thing.
Make a point of one day spending with her, then have your own time to have fun. She shouldn't be holding you back and I think it is selfish if she is trying to take the fun out of you.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 June 2014):
 If'n your wife has jealousy obsessions... then you and she have to sit down and decide if they are (will be) fatal to your continuing "relationship' (and marriage).
If she expects you to act like an a$s.... and you are going to do so... then, your marriage is over....so the two of you have to reconcile THAT, and plan on going your separate ways...
IF she is just FANTASIZING that you are going to act like an a$s.... AND she has no reason to believe so... then you and she need to sit down and discuss why she has this problem with your fidelity....
I understand that.... if a woman throws infidelity in to a relationship..... when there's no reason for her to do so... then, it sez 'way more about HER, than about YOU.... and you (and she) have to decide if THAT is going to be "the norm" for your marriage ("relationship") OR, is she going to come to her senses and STOP driving you away by telling you that you are an unfaithful man-whore....
(Been there; done that.)
Good luck....
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reader, llifton +, writes (11 June 2014):
 That's a real shame, as you both should really be excited for this trip! I've been to Cancun a couple of times and it's great fun! What does she want/expect you to do exactly? Sit and be miserable? You should be able to go out and have some drinks and dance with your wife. Why not? Just because you're 61 doesn't mean you can't have fun, does it?
Do you have a habit of getting drunk and embarrassing her somehow? If this is the case, just tone the drinking down a touch and make sure you don't get too intoxicated. And make sure your attention is on her, not on any young females drinking at the bars with you guys. Don't strike up any convos or go out of your way to look at women or buy drinks for them or anything like that (not insinuating you would, but just covering the bases).
Sounds like a drag you can't have fun with your wife at a place designed to have fun. It seems both of your ideas of fun are quite different. Make sure you do things she wants to do, also. Hopefully she will be okay with your idea of fun if you are open to hers, also.
Good luck!
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reader, surferboy52 +, writes (11 June 2014):
surferboy52 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, I have never cheated on her,nor anyone else in my past. I truly try to live by "The Golden Rule" daily. I appreciate very much your response :)
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reader, YouWish +, writes (11 June 2014):
 You can't compensate for your wife's insecurity. You have a vacation same as her. You know you're not going to cheat on her or act in any way unfaithful to your marriage.....unless, have you cheated on her in the past??? Is her fear based on something that DID happen in your marriage??
If the answer is no, she needs to own her own insecurity and you can't be placed in a box or cage. It's not a vacation for you if you are stifled as to how you would enjoy it (within the bounds of marriage).
Why doesn't she go with you to enjoy the nightlife? There are compromises to be made in every marriage, and none of us like what our spouses like, so there should be some for all.
Either way, unless you're working on rebuilding trust because of past infidelity, you can't coddle and compensate for another's insecurity.
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