A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a unique problem.My wife is too aggressive in bed. She has been the one taking initiative right from day one, The first kiss, the first time we had sex, she literally pulled me on top of her. It's been four years, and it seems when we are making love, I have very little control. I have to go out of character (ie get very very aggressive and rough) to make any kind of impact. Otherwise, it seems she is on auto pilot. She would kiss me very hard and all over.. even when we are in a conventional missionary position making love, she is the one controlling all the movements. She literally (really..believe me) moves me.The thing is she has very strong legs from 10 years of dance classes. My legs look puny in comparison and both of us know, that she is way stronger than me. She loves me and I love her. But I feel emasculated when she could control me and fuck me like that.I try to take control, but with the effort and stress I loose my erection very quickly and that further humiliates me.I don't remember if it all started when I shared with her that I had a fantasy about strong women, and that I feel lucky to have found her... or if only it's intensity has increased. But I'm feeling less and less of a man after every night. She is the one who takes initiative, takes my clothes off and literally takes me every time.I don't know how to talk to her about it... it is already quite humiliating. Please help me deal and make sense of this. Help me with suggestions on how I could subtly change the way it works in the bedroom and find an opportune topic / conversation to discuss this.Apologies for the near graphic description, but I need help.
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male
reader, bananashake1997 +, writes (20 March 2016):
I think you should think in other way around. There are millions of husband who has a complain of a cold wife who lay like bed-sheet while they want to make love. Does it physically hurts you ? than you can complain. If its only psychological only than you can suggest you one thing only
"Enjoy"
Let her to be your man ( she is already physically stronger than you ) she deserve it.
A
male
reader, vlad657  +, writes (15 September 2013):
I was originally puzzled when my girlfriend insisted on mounting me during sex, but I learned to enjoy being the submissive one in our lovemaking. Even when I am on top she has control of our sex. She is more athletic, has slim but powerful legs and is much better than I am when taking charge of our screwing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2013): I have a girlfriend who is very aggressive in bed, not because she is a controlling person but because her boyfriend enjoys the ruff stuff. But out of the bedroom it is a different story and he drives the household if you know what I mean. It is a agreement which they can both live with. It appears you don't totally like this kind of treatment. Yes? Then you have to tell her or when outside of the bedroom you make the decisions on taking quick trips and other domestic issues to try and balance things out. When she tries to intervene just man up and take additional responsibilities. I believe she will quickly understand and you might find that one night your going to be the aggressor in the bedroom. I can understand your fears and reservations. But to drive change sometimes you have to take the lead. Good-luck....
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (22 April 2013):
 Start by taking more initiative with things outside the bedroom. Pick a movie n movie theater. Drive her more often. Suggest meeting her for lunch. Or better yet surprise her. Once u see her reaction to u taking initiative shell give u more motivation to wanna do it in the bedroom. In my exp women hate men who lack initiative so perhaps shes rare. Find ways to boost ur confidence. Beat her at a game youll kno youll win at. Playful bet. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, peanut_gallery +, writes (22 April 2013):
I would say it is also your overall approach to the situation that sounds a bit passive and even defeatist. With this approach, it would not be surprising to hear that you are being dominated in other areas as well.Start by working on your self-esteem. Then, find new positions which would favor the types of movement and intensity that suits you a bit better. Naturally, this isn't the place for a graphic description but I can think of 2-3 positions that may help.Have you considered performing oral sex on her as part of the "mix"?Whatever you do, try not to turn this into some type of power struggle in the bedroom. Become more familiar with sex and slowly introduce new things and ways to please her. You can revert to what you are doing every now and then so as to make the changes appear gradual. Lastly, you should not be losing erections while having sex. However, that presupposes you are having fun and are excited during sex. You have told us you are being dominated, roughed up and it's obvious this is not fun or exciting for you. Maybe she can perform oral sex on you and you can determine if you go soft or maintain an erection without the pressure of performing. In addition to that, speaking to a specialist is a good idea as well. So:1. Fix your outlook2. Learn and introduce new things3. Speak to her about trying new things and softening up a bit4. You "man up" a bit5. use this opportunity to grow as opposed to backing away.Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you flynn 24. I think you are right, I should talk about it, that I like it slow sometimes and like to have control sometimes. Perhaps, that would also be a good way to experiment. Lately all our experiments have been about her control and roughness getting more and more intense with me.I don't think "manning up" and taking control works. I try, but I fail most of the times and then it leaves me with "oh, I can't compete / match even if I try the hardest". Besides, at times it has left me flacid, which is humiliating to say the least.Tell me, is it normal or should I see a urologist / a shrink, because I do lose my erection in the middle of sex sometimes and I am young (early thirties). I've been linking that to her very overpowering ways.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): You are a very lucky man.Who wouldn't want a wife like that? Obviously you haven't been with a cold woman to know how frusterating that is. If I were you I would just lie back and enjoy it. Obviously she also loves you very much.As janniepeg says eat healthy food, keep in shape so that you can cope up with her enthusiasm.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2013): I don't suppose you have actually, I don't know, MENTIONED any of this to her in any way?
Psychics are not real. How can she know what you like and don't like unless you tell her?
Tell her you want to slow it down sometimes and have some control.
Personally, I think you just need to man up and TAKE the control on occasion.
Sit her down and talk to her. If you can't talk to her about this, then what the hell are you even doing in a relationship with her?
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 April 2013):
 Control doesn't have to be all physical. You don't have to be all muscular to be a master. Your mind can also do the dominating. You can command to do things. Tell her to suck you. Stop when you are about to come. Make her beg for you. You direct when the action comes, and when to take a break.
Tell her you have a fantasy about a master and slave relationship, and that slave has to be feminine, soft and submissive.
One thing you can do also is to tone up your muscles. Eat more protein and arginine foods. Take good use of your morning erections.
I guess the moral of your story is, be careful of what you ask for.
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