A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my wife Lisa for 14 years, we met in April 2005 when I was 24 years old and she was 23 and began dating 6 weeks later.We have a 6-year-old son, Simon (not his real name).I recently found out my wife has been cheating on me with my dad and she's been taunting me about it with "I'm going to be your stepmom", and she's admitted to being with my dad since April 2018, and that he's going to throw my mom out and move her in with him.I feel betrayed and angry, don't know how to deal with this or tell the rest of the family.I'm a dual US/Canadian citizen, born in Toronto, should I move back to Canada (Mom is Canadian but Dad's from LA) or stay here in Florida? Moving back obviously presents no visa issues, but equally, I only vaguely know Toronto from family vacations etc. and family living within distance of the city.My wife is intent on marrying my dad, won't this cause extreme problems for my family, and also, wouldn't the marriage be illegal? I'm not sure if someone can marry their ex-father-in-law, even in Florida.There's a kicker in this, apart from my wife getting with my dad, she wants to bring up our son with my dad as his stepdad.I'm going to see a divorce attorney in the next few days.What I need advice on coping with is how to do so emotionally, much as I enjoy living here in Florida, the whole thing is causing me to stress-eat and stress-exercise, and I've not got many friends.I've also got another problem; I've started to become attracted to my co-worker Caitlyn, who's 37 and single and burnt out from Tinder / Bumble dating, she wants to meet a nice man and really wants a relationship, and I know her well enough, but obviously have not done anything about it, but because I've not divorced my wife, I can't. Caitlyn is a nice lady, and my attraction is less about lust and feels more genuine than my wife. I've not acted on it for obvious reasons though. If I get with her now while my wife's with my dad, it would make me just as bad wouldn't it?I've always been friends with her and my wife knows her (well to say knows her is a stretch, she doesn't know her that well).I've also started to realize my wife's been verbally abusive and this is probably because of the affair.Mentally, I'm OK, but still need help coping.I realize my situation is unusual, but what do you think, once the highs of the affair end, will be the end result for my soon-to-be-ex-wife and my dad as a couple, especially if she goes off with my son? What could be the biggest problems they'll face other than the age gap?Also... do I have more of a moral compass than my wife?I want to be the best dad I can be to my son.I need a lot of help and you guys are the only place I felt I could come to, don't know who else to go to for help, this is stressing me out a lot.
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affair, co-worker, divorce Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2021): Divorce is the remedy to these kinds of situations. I'm not sure why you've written DC, almost knowing that would be our advice? What else could you possibly do about such a thing? You'd be better-off consulting with a good divorce attorney.
If nothing else, venting here can be very therapeutic; and we're here for you.
If this post is authentic, and not troll manure; I truly sympathize with your plight.
These are modern-times, and nothing shocks or surprises me anymore. Of course, what you've described isn't something that's never happened before. Do your best to keep it together for the sake of your son.
The matter could be especially confusing for a child; and people don't seem to care what psychological-impact creepy and immoral behavior has on children anymore. Just do your best to be close, loving, and protective of your kid. Please don't teach him to be resentful of his mother, or your father. No matter how this shakes out; he's still your dad, and she's still his mother. There is a God, and He sorts these things out in the very end. If you have faith; pray, and hold-on to it. You will find someone even better to love, and to be loved by; if you place this in God's hands. There are many tests we endure in a lifetime.
God bless and guide you, dear sir!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (23 June 2021):
 So where is your father in all this? What does he have to say for himself? Surely you must have discussed the situation with him.
It all sounds like a horrible nightmare. Your main priorities need to be to find out where you stand legally and to ensure you keep things as normal as possible for your son. Given the situation, how would you feel about trying to get custody of him? (Not sure if that is possible for you.) Having to see your ex wife with your father will be very awkward and painful for you.
As for starting a new relationship in the middle of all this mess, are you serious? You need to end your marriage first and give yourself time to get over the heartache before starting anything new. Don't jump into another relationship just so you are not alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2021): Well if it is true when you talk to that lawyer get full custody.This is gonna mess your kid up big time.Mom getting married to grandpa! Get therapy for you and your son going forward.Do not even think about getting into another relationship until both your son and you have had therapy for quite a while.Now is the time not to think about you...it is the time to put your son first...he will need you more than you know.Getting into another relationship right now can hurt your son deeply.So all in all I say no new relationship....kiddo comes first.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 June 2021):
 You have heard a lot about this from your wife and her perspective on things, and what she is going to do. But from your post you have not heard anything about this from your Dad, or indeed if its even true.
It would be a foolish move on your Fathers part if it is true as he would potentially be breaking up a whole family, and running the risk of never speaking to you again.
Your Son is 6, he knows your father as Grandad, how can he possible ever look at him as step dad?.
I think if this was me my first port of call would be to approach my father, ask him whats going on and what her intentions are. You might be suprised be his reactions, and i don't think she would of ever been expecting you to make this move.
If it is true, then seek legal advice and get the ball rolling with where you stand.
I would refrain from starting up a new romance while all this is going on, at least until you find out what is going on for sure. I feel you would be dating for all the wrong reasons, and from a place of confusion and anger. These are not good emotions to start a relationship.
Talk to your father before anything else, as this could all be a stupid fantasy of your wife's.
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