| A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am 53 and my partner is 68. He looks at younger women. I realize I too, am a younger woman to him but it does bother me. As good as I look for my age (I have been told I look at least 10 years younger), it still doesn't stop him.Today when he was outside doing yard work, a younger female neighbor waved (she was also doing yard work) and he said hello. Moments later he walked by her home to get mail. As he walked by her house, he walked all the way up her driveway and almost into her open garage. He obviously knew it was possible she could still be outside. He said he noticed boxes in the garage that had supplies only a computer tech would have. And he was curious. And would have asked her if he husband worked as a tech. But I saw no reason for him to go out of his way. I saw it as a bold move to walk up someone's driveway like that. It seemed an excuse to be noticed by her. And that's what bothers me. We are moving next week and won't see them again. I don't see her as a threat but I do see my partners behavior as a threat to our relationship. I'm not getting any younger and don't need to be worrying about him chasing the attention of younger women down the road. What would you do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Alwin  +, writes (29 June 2021):
 Unless he's very rich, younger women only see him as a nice granpa. Everyone can look, it's perfectly normal to admire beauty. You sound too insecure, I think you should work on yourself and stop worrying about other women.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2021): Better said:
"Somehow, I don't think he's going to make it a habit of being so bold."
My dear, your partner is 68 years old. Give that a little more thought before worrying yourself too much!
"Partner" is a very generic reference. If your partner is your husband; it's a bit late in his life to be philandering, just to lose half of all he's got in a divorce.
If he's your boyfriend, always keep this in-mind. Boyfriends are disposable and replaceable. Just like a used-car, not too many people want one with too much mileage on it. You don't have to put-up with his nonsense if you don't want to. He can chase, but he'll have a bit of trouble catching-up at 68!!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2021): Let's get philosophical. For some things that occur in life, there is no cure, remedy, or reasonable explanation. Since Eve took a bite of the forbidden-fruit; all mankind has to endure pain and suffering. One sex can be the undoing of the other. No matter how powerful a man can be; there's a woman who can take him down single-handedly.
If you watched this all transpire from beginning to end; I find it odd that you said nothing to him about how his behavior affected you. You're moving, so there's no need to fret. He got a little frisky; but that's nothing a good talking-to won't fix. Just knowing you saw the whole thing should be embarrassing enough, and the fact he's busted! Just tell him what's on your mind; and how his behavior made you feel. His explanation was pretty lame tho!
Men can be fertile into their latest years in life; so nature has wired the human-male to be attracted to females in their prime years of fertility. The bad-behavior of being crude, unfaithful, and sleazy has nothing to do with that. That's the work of the devil; it's just part of the downside of the nature of mankind. Both genders have their major faults and flaws; and neither gets a break. For any fault we have that offends one side; there is a counter-flaw that evens the score. At any given time, some attractive gent is going to makes his moves toward you. He'll be just as offended by that as you are now.
A decrepit old-man can lust after a young beauty; but getting one, or keeping-up with her if he does...well, that's just another story. She'll likely outlive him, he'll advance in age and become impotent. She'll likely end-up changing his diapers, if she bothers to stick around long enough. Trust me, if the old-geezer can't offer financial-security; he's got very little else to offer her as any incentive to give him the time of day. If you're attracted to older-men; then you're willing to deal with all that comes with having one. Useless flirting is one of them.
Wanting and desiring something is one thing, getting it is entirely another!
Developing any insecurity and becoming distraught over the notion men are attracted to pretty younger-females depends on how the woman views herself. If you place your self-esteem in the hands of a man; you're bound to be upset and disappointed when you determine how imperfect he is. As if that should come as some surprise. You also have to make wise choices. Forgoing good-character and trustworthiness for good-looks, or financial-security, has it's drawbacks. Old-men like to flirt, but it's flattering his own ego; and he's writing a check he usually can't cash! He looks more foolish than appealing! You'll reach a certain age, and you're no longer a stud-muffin; you're a dirty old-man! He'll strike-out 99.9% of the time! The eeeew-factor kicks-in! He's your type, not every woman shares your taste.
When you choose a partner, you must be strong and prepared to let-go when you've determined you've gotten the wrong-man. That's anyone who causes you heartache and pain; or leads you down a path to destruction. Love does not require you to suffer, or be destroyed. God commands that we be evenly-yoked. You're given free-choice. When you skirt the laws and principles of nature; there are bound to be some unwanted side-effects. You choose a flirtatious old-guy who likes really young females; he's likely to always be just that. Old-guys rarely change; most are pretty set in their ways. His flirtations just become less effective with time.
If we allow ourselves to go nuts over the gender-specific faults and flaws found in our species; the human-race would become extinct. Sometimes you have to leave the one you love; when they cause you too much pain to stay with them. Wiser-women are taught this by their mothers; and pass it down to their daughters.
Somehow, I don't think he's going make it a habit of being so bold. I just have a feeling.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 June 2021):
 This is who he is.
Someone who will ALWAYS look for greener grass. In this case younger grass.
"Scientific data shows that men, even as they age, will continue to be attracted to very young women, but women prefer men of a similar age to themselves."
Basically, no matter the AGE of a male they are usually attracted to women in their early 20's. That is regardless of the man is 20 or 80.
Nothing new there. It's biology. A woman in her 20's is in her "PRIME" when it comes to fertility. She is also more likely to survive a pregnancy, the baby too. So partly it's instinct, but your partner takes this further than just "looking" he was ACTIVELY trying to get her to engage with him. While it might just have ended up being a chat (as she is married and he is an old nosy fart) it's impossible to guess just how far he WOULD have let it go if SHE had been there and SHE had shown interest.
The thing is unless he is VERY good-looking, wealthy, and charming a younger woman is NOT going to look at him twice as a romantic interest.
What he did was creepy and sleazy if you ask me.
Is this common behavior from him? Or was this a first?
If this was a first, I would point out how creepy that behavior was. If this was part of a pattern, I'd reconsider dating him at all.
This is NOT about YOU not being good enough, young enough, pretty enough, or this or that enough, THIS was all him and him being a tad creepy.!
This is the guy YOU have chosen to live with, to date. If ONE little (but odd) incident has your panties in a twist... maybe he really isn't the guy for you?
...............................
A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (23 June 2021):
 I think that maybe you are letting your insecurities get the better of you.
You have not provided examples of previous experiences of him giving you reasons for you to distrust him, or constantly oggling women in a lusting fashion.
He walked up the drive because he was interested in what was in the boxes, and maybe a chance to be neighbourly maybe. I don't think he walked up the drive to be noticed by her.
He is in a relationship with you, not a neighbour, or someone he looks at while you are out. Stop beating yourself up over seemingly inconsequential things and get on with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Raevin +, writes (23 June 2021):
Dear i may not be old enough to understand what ur going through,but i know you deserve better.Love yourself more,dress well,make yourself available for him,if he loves you he will chose u and only you.But if he does not appreciate then just know you have to end thing,do not be afraid to go out there again,you will find your life time happiness and love.Someone who will respect and love u.Thats my opinion
...............................
|
