A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, is there anyone here that suffers with separation anxiety from their partner/spouse? For the past 2 years I constantly worry Incase my husband dies and imleft alone (we have no children and I don’t get in with my family and he has no family).It all started when he had to travel with his new job, he would be away for 1 week atleast once a month. Either in a different country or far from home. He was constantly using planes, trains and driving. At first I thought it was a bad phase I was going through and that it’d get easier with time but it’s gotten worse. A week before he’d be due to leave I’d cry constantly worrying about him travelling and id be the same all week until he got home.I went to the dr who diagnosed me with adult separation anxiety and offered me medication which were of no help (tried different doses and pills). I saw a therapist for 6 weeks but that too had little effect.The good thing about this pandemic is he hasn’t been able to go away but next week he is having to go for the day to a meeting and I’m so scared. It’s a long drive. I can’t imagine my life without him and I know my worry isn’t normal.Anyone get over this?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (25 June 2021):
Hi,
I haven't had separation anxiety but I have had generalised anxiety which can be quite crippling sometimes. Medication never did very much for me either although I do take medication to help me sleep from time to time when it's at its worst. Being awake all night is awful.
Firstly I'll say - don't expect a miracle cure. If you are an anxious person you will have to learn how to manage your anxiety rather than cure it. It will probably always be there in the background.
I notice that you only had 6 weeks of therapy which for me was barely enough to scratch the surface. I expect you only had 6 weeks because that's all that the NHS will provide in most areas. So it's probably time to consider a service that you pay for which can last as long as you need it. Look on the BACUP (British Association of Counsellers and Psychotherapists) website to find one near you.
What helped me the most was going on a mindfulness course (which was on the NHS) which teaches you various coping mechanisms. The course was 8 weeks long (weekly sessions of 2 hours in a group) and it was over Zoom due to covid. As Wiseowl points out, this course is only worth doing if you are prepared to commit to it 100%. You will be given "homework" and you will be expected to practice mindfulness twice a day when not in "class". The practices are easy to learn but can take a lifetime to master - you need to keep at it. I am also offered mindfulness "top-up" sessions every few months and the tutors also offered links to other on-line groups for people who enjoy practising with others.
It's not a miracle cure but I can highly recommend it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2021): You know, as adults we sometimes have to employ some self-control and push through it. The reality is, you have little choice. Suffer, or deal with it. As you've indicated, pills don't help; and therapy wasn't effective. Then it comes down to dealing with it head-on.
Your husband can't be at your side 24/7; and he has to go to work. I guess you need to find yourself a job; so you have something to keep your mind busy and to challenge you throughout your day. If you sit at home alone all-day; you are left to your thoughts and worries.
You need to pull your mind away from centering all your thoughts on yourself. What you need and what bothers you. Get yourself a pet to keep you company. Try to use your energy for something more constructive than hyper self-awareness, and creating thoughts of calamity; because you don't have someone to cling to.
You can offer your time to volunteer work, get a crafty hobby to make extra cash, start a home-business, or just get a full-time job. All these things focuses the mind on something other than yourself.
Therapy is usually ineffective mainly because some people aren't fully committed. If the change doesn't happen overnight; or the therapist requires them to perform exercises, and do homework. They'll decide it isn't going to work. There is no magic cure, sometimes it takes effort on your part; and nobody else can make life livable for you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2021): Ask to speak with a different doctor. Sound, they may be able to refer you to another counsellor. I'm no doctor but personally I dont think medication will be the answer. Distraction might help (if you are out with friend while he is away you are less likely to notice than if you are mulling on your own at home). Make a plan of things you can do while he is out, even if it's just a DIY project or film you can watch. You could also try listening to guided meditations or audiobooks when you start feeling anxious, I find they help.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2021): I can relate.
I am maybe projecting but... I too have no one else but my husband. My mother died when I was twenty one. I had never known my father. I have only one cousin, but I moved to another country and as you may guess this move has made it difficult for me to make new friends.
I know that it is healthy to worry about people we love but separation anxiety is not about what may happen to others. It’s about what may happen to us if something happens to the ones we love and love us.
To get better meds can’t help even though some may lessen the physical symptoms of anxiety for a while. It’s about becoming truly independant. If you don’t have a job, get one. No friends? Meet new people and cultivate relationships. It’s not easy but it is the only way. You need to show yourself that you are capable of taking care of yourself.
This kind of fear is connected to a childhood frar of being left alone and unable to survive.
If none f therapists suggested this, well they weren’t doing their jobs.
You also need to dig up early trauma connected to these fears.
Good luck!!!!
...............................
|
