A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married for 8 months, she says she wants out of it now. Before we got married she was still getting over her ex relationship. We recently both moved, both changed jobs and we hate the place we live at. She said she wants to be friends and doesn't want to be anyones wife. I've tried to give her space and we are currently living seperate cause she told me to go find work again where we originally lived. I love her so much and I don't know what to do. I told her I can't just be friends cause I don't just see her that way. I feel like she is bipolar because one day everything is okay then out of nowhere she just blows up. She is my real true first love. I don't want to lose her. I want to get counseling for us but she just says she doesn't want this anymore..I don't know what to do.. Any advice?Tony
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male
reader, JaeCryme +, writes (13 August 2008):
I am going through the same thing right now. Almost the exact same thing, actually. (She even has bipolar disorder.) We were married less than a year, she moved away for six months, moved back for four, and then when we were both supposed to move together to Utah, she stayed in California. She still calls all the time to complain about her life without me, but says she doesn't want to get back together and she just needs a friend.
Well I don't want to be just her friend. I'm her husband, dammit. And if she can leave because her needs aren't being met (she just wants to be friends) then I can stop talking to her because my needs aren't being met (being married.)
It's okay to be selfish now. She threw you away, so take advantage of this time to go find someone who will devote themselves to you and not treat marriage like its dating in junior high school.
A
male
reader, Namatjira  +, writes (2 March 2008):
Hi,
It is a really tough time you are facing and I wish you all the best. Just for your own information, bipolar is now what they used to call manic depressive where the sufferer moves from being manic and over excited with limited attention span and far too much energy to the opposite extreme of being depressed and not wanting to do anything. Of course there are many varieties but they all have this pattern of vacillating between opposite behaviours and can be very destructive.
Maybe she does have a form of this, you have not been able to provide enough information and it is unlikely that you would as diagnosing this disorder can be hard enough for an experienced physician.
What is certain is that she does not appear to feel that same about you now as she used to. This is hard for you to deal with. I am a strong believer in relationship counselling and so would strongly suggest that you both go. It may be that you discover that it is indeed over, and the counselling can help you to both come to terms and to move on with some dignity. On the other hand, whatever might be troubling your wife and making her feel like she does could be uncovered and dealt with so that you can rebuild a life together. There are many possible outcomes. If your wife does not want to go to this, you go, and ask for advice in dealing with it. Your therapist may suggest ways of persuading your wife to attend with you.
You do need professional help from a qualified person who can get into all the details and help you find the right path.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I'm so sorry you're hurting. It seems so strange that she is treating your marriage like its just a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Sometimes it doesn't work out. I know how much you love her but is the fear of the unknown a part of the reason you want to stay with her? Are you scared of losing what you know and not being able to find the same emotion and tenderness with someone else? You aren't going to find the exact same thing but you'll find something different and maybe even better. A marriage takes two people willing to work for it. If your wife doesn't love you romantically, then the marriage is going to wither and die and then your love with turn to bitterness.
Just let go and let time heal you.
X
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