A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't think there is a problem, but my wife's behavior toward my best friend seems a little weird and it bothers me.My best friend and I are close. Since I married my wife she has also become 'TXX's friend. We are all very close, and go out together. My wife has seen TXX in swim trunks, and underwear only, and I don't think anything about it.But, last weekend, TXX came over to our house after working contruction because we were going out that night (all 3 of us). We already had a baby-sitter for our kids.One of our kids was in the 'common' bathroom so I told TXX to just take a shower and get dressed in our master bath/bedroom. I came upstairs a few minutes later to start picking out my clothes and TXX came out of the bathroom and was drying off. He asked to borrow some of my clothes, he didn't realize he would be working this extra construction job so didn't plan on changing.My wife walked into our bedroom a minute later while TXX was still standing there naked. My wife didn't even leave the room. TXX said I need help borrowing some of your husband's clothes. My wife proceeded to go through my drawers and closet to pick him out clothes, including underwear. I'm not upset that my wife saw TXX naked, him being such good friends and over our house a lot it was bound to happen, but my wife kept pulling out my underwear and holding it up to his waist and saying things like, this would look good on you.Am I overreacting to think that there is something wrong with this? I don't think there is anything going on, but the casual way my wife acted around TXX being naked and going close to his body with MY underwear makes me very uncomfortable.Do I confront my wife, or do I confront my bestfriend? Or am I just making something out of nothing?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Yeah man confront your wife. Let her know your thoughts and communicate. Its our job as men to prevent this sort of thing. Maintain a level of privacy in your home esp if you have a close friend. You dont want to risk barriers being broken down.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): Let me put in 2 cents here. I don't think it's a big deal at all. If the 3 of you are close friends, then like you said 'accidental nudity' is bound to happen. This sounds like a very innocent thing and your wife was just playing it up to divert any uncomfortableness she may have really had. Or maybe she didn't feel uncomfortable. Like some have said, nudity is fine even accross opposite sexes. It's sexual activity or even sexual attraction that is wrong in a relationship. I'm very open and comfortable with my body, even though none of my wife's friends have seen me naked, some of them have seen me in just my underwear. And even if they did see me naked, so what.
As long as your wife and TXX weren't alone, I see nothing wrong with it. I think your wife was just trying to make light of the situation. I don't think a talk with either of is necessary. The only talk I can think of is to ask you wife what she would have done if you weren't there and she walked in on TXX naked. If she says she would still pick out his clothes with him standing there naked, then there might be a problem in your marriage, but if it's like I think, she will tell you that she would have immediately walked out of the room. I think it's just that because you were there, and didn't make a big deal out of your friend being naked in front of your wife, she just made light of the whole situation. Don't sweat it, you weren't upset the day it happened, and you know if there was any underlying sexual tension or if it was just 3 friends, 1 who happened to be naked, kidding around.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (1 February 2012):
 I think the situation sounds inappropriate on both sides. normally a woman won't be present in a room with a naked man she's not intimate with and normally a man will try to be modest with such a woman. Am I old fashioned? I don't know that I would confront somebody but maybe next time such a situation looks like it might occur you might maybe move somebody along in a different direction if you are present.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (1 February 2012):
Does your wife have brothers? Could it be that she grew up used to brothers', to family, casual nudity, didn't think anything of it, and has accepted TXX as a sort of brother? Nudity isn't in and of itself sexual. The sexual part of nudity is a context thing. The fact that she was so casual about it, with you right there, suggests that she's perfectly capable of seeing a naked man without any sexuality involved. Kind of like a locker room.
You haven't given any reason that you should 'confront' anyone. You'd know perfectly well if either of them were horny in the situation and you didn't mention it, so I presume that means it didn't happen. If you're uncomfortable with your wife being in the presence of a naked man, regardless of who he is, that's a perfectly reasonable thing to say to her. But the fact that you were right there says to me that there's nothing untoward. Tell her you're uncomfortable about it, sure, that you'd prefer it not be repeated, sure. But don't beat her up about being cool about it. And so long as your friend wasn't getting off on the situation, there's no need to beat him either.
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A
female
reader, abeytahemera19 +, writes (1 February 2012):
Id talk to your bestfriend about being a bit more careful next time in your house with his junk out, you said things like that are bound to happen Im sure you dont want your kids walking in on your friend changing that isnt right either. Talk to your wife as well. You are not overreacting at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): To me, it sounds like your wife was trying to act calm and totally okay with seeing your friend naked, but was really caught off guard and freaked out. If you want to talk to her, go ahead, but no "confronting". Enter into a situation calmly and honestly, and you will recieve a calm and honest answer.
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