A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:my wife has been talking to some guy she met at work about 10 years ago.it started on the internet and then got to the point where he started calling my house to talk to her.they hooked up about 2weeks ago when my wife said she was at her mothers.i put a recorder in my house and heard her tell this guy that she wants to divorce me and that she loves him.they have only been together one time.we live in va. and he lives in nevada.we have an 11 year old daughter.she told me that she initiated the sex and him meeting her.i dont know if she is just covering for him or what.she said it was awkward and that she felt like a whore and that she left crying.i know we have our problems and can never work out anything if this guy keeps calling.i know my wife has told me that i have been neglecting her for quite a while.she never said anything until i bleww up about guys on facebook that i did not know. now it seems as she has put all the blame on me to get the focus off of her.we have been married 16 years and i have told her that i am going to end up on this mans front doorstep.i dearly love my wife and know that this man still lives with his wife and kids. my wife has told me that she likes this guy but that she is still here with me.she will be 40 in august and i know she is going through some midlife crisis.she also is thinking she wants to be out on her own.she was 22 when we married and has never been out on her own.i know this man wont come here to live and my wife wont go there.i also know that trying to have a relationship that far away is a waste of time. for all i know he has several girlfriends.my wife also told me she feels like him being so far away makes her feel safe that nothing permanent will ever happen.she is starting school for12 mos.and then wants to get a job.she says she wants to stay here for our daughter and that she loves me but is not in love with me.i feel like an ass for knowing this man is calling and cant really do anything about it or my wife will leave with my daughter;i desperatly want to get back with my wife but she is on the fence right now.she calls me honey,husband and tells me she loves me. i have told her i will do any thing to get her back and i mean it.i dont know how i should approach this. she tells me not to pressure her and to give her her space.i dont want to run her off with my daughter because she needs us both.i dont know if i am strong enough to act like she doesnt exist.i also know that she needs me as well.she has no job or income.i am pretty sure she wont get out on her own and may come around eventually.this is sad, but if it will reunite us as a family,i will take it.what should i do??should if i go to this man my wife will go to her moms.she is freaked out that i already know where this guy lives.i know it wont solve anything but i really want to take it to him.PLEASE TELL ME WHAT I COULD OR SHOULD DO?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2010): Stop being a wuss. That's not attractive to her. This new fling is exciting and new. And you are just bending over backwards saying, "I will do anything for you honey..." "it's ok you cheated on me, it was my fault.."
let's say you did neglect her, or did do something wrong. She couldve addressed it then. Or if it was as bad as she says she couldve left you with CHEATING on you! Screwing some other guy isn't going to solve her problems with you.
I get the urge to tell the other guys wife or even to beat the other guy to a pulp, but it's not like he took advantage of her. He didn't force himself on her. She was a willing participant.
You need to stop trying to fix it. Tell her once more. "I love you. I admit I wasn't perfect, and I am willing to work on it. But I am not going to sit here and wait to see what you decide. You aren't just taking our daughter. So do whatever it is you feel you need to do; but decide quicky."
and you sure as hell do have a say about this guy calling. It's your house! You don't have to sit there and hear it. That's crazy!
You have the upper hand here. She cheated and admited it. That's bad in the judges eyes. Threaten her with this. If she love you and your daughter at all this will be a wake up call for her. If she does leave, I'm sorry to say but it was gonna happen anyway.
You don't deserve to be put through this. Do this. Not in a mean way, but not submissive either. Just loving, but firm. Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 February 2010):
 I bet she is saying she wants to divorce you to see his response, in the hopes that her fling would do the same. Tiger Woods told Rachel he would divorce Elin, but now is asking Elin for forgiveness. Do you know about feminine mystique? It's a classic written in the 50s about desperate housewives wanting to fulfill their needs but don't know how. No woman wants to be seen only as a housekeeper, child rearer, and a sex partner. If she uses "I want to be able to do things on my own" as a reason to cheat she is being very selfish. Understand her need to do something on her own but tell her she could do that within the context of a marriage. Could be it helping her start a business? An opportunity to give a speech in front of 100s of people? An artistic project? Help her find out what satisfies her soul. Tell her that sneaking out with a guy with several girlfriends is not going to fulfill her. If she doesn't listen you just have to let her learn the hard way. Turn your anger into creative energies to solve your wife's problems.
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (6 February 2010):
 I would immedietly figure out a way to secretly make contact with this guys wife! that in itself could alliviate the problem long enough to figure out your next move, I would make every move neccasseery, within your power to legally secure yourself, ANYTHING!!! within your rights that you can legally do, and then I would have a chat with your daughter, and be very direct, she is 11years old, not really old enough to understand, but more then old enough to understand when shit starts to hit the fan, I would file for divorce, and I would kick her out, unless it's ordered by a judge, I don't no how she could possibly just "leave with your daughter" she's both of yours, I know different states have different laws, but Ive never heard of one law saying that a cheating wife automatically gets to make the childs life unstable because she is busted cheating! but ive been wrong before, if she really loves your daughter, she would choose to not drag her away from where she lives, goes to school, and her friends are, just because she decides to be unfaithful, I wouldnt fuck around any longer bro, it doesnt sound like this is going to go anywhere but down, and I think it's in your best interest to start getting your own ass, and possessions guarded, and not worrying about what she's doing, she flat said she wanted to divorce you, brother, you better beat her to the punch, or she can make shit very very bad!! trust me, then nobody but you and your daughter will lose!when it's not you that decided to play the game!! I would absolutely forget love, and reconcilliation, and start protecting yourself!
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