A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hai people, my wife had a child by another man, i kicked her out but she returned begging to be forgiven she was always sad so i feared she would have a miscarriage so i took her back in despite the pain i was going through. The father of the child didnt want anything to do with the child or my wife. I took her to the clinic,cared for her till she gave birth. I found her a nice paying job so that she can be independent, but she doesnt want to leave and keeps begging me to stay. Shes a beautiful woman and i do have feelings for her, but my male ego wont allow me to love her again. I have helped her enough i just want your insight. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Divorce her no matter how much she begs and cries. She's not sorry for having betrayed you, if she was she'd be too ashamed to even show her face to you or accept any of your help. If she was sorry and ashamed of her actions she would have gone to other people for help, not to you because you are the one whom she had betrayed and wronged. But not only is she not the least bit ashamed at all, she's expecting you to continue taking care of her so she doesn't have to bear the consequences of her choices. She's cowardly and manipulative.
frankly, I find her behavior and ongoing conduct disgusting. You can forgive her but that doesn't mean you have to stay married to her forever and ever til death do you part. If you stay married to her she'll probably cheat on you again and if the father of her next child doesn't abandon her then she'll leave you. and if he does she'll still be here in your house demanding you take care of her. In the meantime there are so many better women out there who would love you and treat you well, why give up the opportunity to have a real marriage, for this?
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (1 September 2011):
Your wife is very selfish and is using you to provide for her and nothing more: first she cheated on you, and even when you kicked her out as you had every right to do, she had the nerve to come crawling back just because the father of her child rejected her. If he hadn't rejected her, do you think she'd have come back to you? And even after all you did for her - taking her back in despite her betrayal, taking care of her, even finding her a job, she is refusing to look after herself and wants you to continue to provide for her. She doesn't sound sorry for betraying you, if she was sorry she'd be trying to make amends and being grateful for all you're doing for her, she wouldn't be asking you to do more and more. She's just using you for her purposes, nothing more.
You've been more than kind and generous, you have nothing to feel bad about if you insist now that she leave and end this marriage. You have no obligation to her. You gave her an honorable way to take care of herself and she's refusing it. This isn't your "male ego being bruised" it's your brain and common sense protecting you from someone who's hurt you deeply and is still hurting you by exploiting you and using you. If you stay with her, chances are she will continue to be selfish and take advantage of you some more. Who knows she could get pregnant by another man again and this whole situation could repeat.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011): IMHO people frequently say a man has "male ego problem" when his sense of healthy self-respect makes it harder for a woman to take advantage of his good nature.
Don't apologize for your self-respect. Listen to it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 August 2011):
 so you love her? if you love her and the only thing that is the issue is that your male ego is bruised... perhaps you and she can work it out.
raise the child as yours (adopt it if you wish)
maybe she would be with the other man if he wanted but she isn't... and she is with you.. maybe out of need, maybe out of love???
i've learned cutting of my nose to spite my face hurts... I have learned in my old age to be way more forgiving than I was in my younger years.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): You married her, for better for worse. Yes, she betrayed the marriage, but it doesn't have to be a deal breaker. She did the worst thing, but she came back for forgiveness. So many men in that situation want their wife to come back to them, and she doesn't. Yours did. I think she must love you. I don't think it is just convenience. You have feelings for her.My opinion is you should work through this with her, and bring up the baby as your own. People are not like buses. They aren't all the same and a new one doesn't just come along so easily. Your wife did wrong, but we all deserve forgiveness and a second chance.But if you can't face that, then of course you will just have to move on. It depends how much you love, or loved, her. And if you think you could be happy with her again.Good luck, and also all credit to you for looking after her. Why stop now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): u took back a cheating wife who had another man impregnante her.........u are a damn saint!
u have now fulflled your duties as the salvation army and now it i time to kick her to the curb. dont look back. just move on ahead.
if her lover was still with her, she wouldnt bother with you at all. she could have had an abortion, why didnt she? i hope u are not felling sorry for her and now providing for her and HER kid. she has used u enough . time to move on.
Sometimes u need to be hard/selfish/mean, so that people like her, dont take u for a fool. u need to get rid of so that u can take care of yourself.
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 No I wouldn't bother. You have done over and beyond what a lot of people would do. She has the baby and job so now its time to leave. Don't bother with her as you will always view the baby as a reminder that she slept with another man. This will be there forever. You cannot change this, it is a constant reminder.
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A
male
reader, shameless +, writes (30 August 2011):
 You are a good man, you saved her child, get her a good job. What else does she want? Do you think she would be begging you if the other man wanted her and the child? Man, once a cheater always a cheater.
Use your judgement!!!!
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A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (30 August 2011):
I think you have done more than most would have or even tried. Let this go and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): if the man had accepted the child and given her what she wanted she probably wouldn't bother with you. of course she is sorry because she in shit . she will lie and say anything she has to . surely you realize this.you are her fallback option. i think you would be as fool to take her back
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAm not looking for validation to do anything just your insight and if any have been in a similar situation
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 August 2011):
 If you're looking for validation to dump her sorry, cheating butt ... I'm willing to offer it...
Good luck...
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