A
female
age
41-50,
*unnamuck
writes:Hey guys , My boyfriend broke up with me 2 days ago And I'm absoloutly shattered ..when we got together he had just come out of a relationship of 6 years (I wasn't aware of the duration ) ...he knew i liked him so he asked me out , everything was great , he was the most amazing guy I could have asked for , It didn't take me long to fall for him .. 2 days ago he ended it !! He was a mess when he broke up , he didn't want to do it but he realized he still had sone feelings for his ex .. When he broke up he said he wish he didn't have the feelings for her and that he wishes he could get rid of them so he can be with me ..we both were a mess , all he wanted to do is hug and kiss me .. Thing is that lead to having sex .. Well I stopped him after a few mins cos it wasnt right ..he said to me he needs time .. He also said he wants to get over everything else but not me .. Does this mean he still wants me ??I said to him I dont wanna go cos I wanna be with him and he's like dont go then ! I'm confused to what he's on about .. When I was leaving all he wanted to do is kiss me abs give me more hugs . He said it's goodbye for now but not forever .. Does that mean there is hope ?? I spoke to him the next day and he said it sucks how everything is and wishes he felt different ( not having feelings for her) he said he hopes one day we ride horses together , he loves horses the next day he was being weird about stuff so i asked him if he thinks in future we can get back together he's like I don't know , I'll stick to never say never , u don't know what will happen .. I'm confused can anyone help me please . I really like him he knows that I don't go for any guy ...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2011): his heart belongs to her and that will be the same wherever he sleeps. rebounds are temporary and he should have been mature enough not to move in so fast.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (30 August 2011):
 Here's the thing. Sounds like you two met right after he broke up with her. You were a rebound it sounds like.
He never got over her. This is what the messiness is all about. His ego never got over the breakup, and it sounds like they met up and he heard that things weren't over for her either.
One word comes to mind about all of this -- unfair. It's unfair to you because you went into it with a guy who was single and available in the flesh, but not in his heart. He developed feelings toward you, but never lost them for his ex.
The thing now is - you have to do what is good for you. And what's NOT good for you is to be in limbo while he makes up his mind between you two. The truth is -- he wants to hedge his bets. His EX is his greatest love. Remember that. You are always #2 to her. But he doesn't want to be left high and dry while he goes back to her. Remember, they broke up once, and it's easy to see that it could happen again.
Anyways, he wants you in the wing because he doesn't want his choice to be with her to backfire, leaving him alone. That is not fair to you. He can't make promises of "not forever" and "ride horses together". You need to make a clean break from him and find someone who does not have any baggage like this, or you're going to be kicked around because he'll think you'll always be there and available no matter how he treats you.
I predict that in a couple of months, he'll come crawling back to you with all of these "I made a mistake" noises, and he'll be in the same boat. A few more months later, and he'll drop you again too. You cannot live like this. He said he has feelings for his ex and wants to break up with you, but he tried to have sex with you? Come on. His selfishness is off the charts here.
In your mind, you need to have the mentality that it's *over* between you and him. Not in limbo, not "confused", and definitely not "never say never". He has just revealed a very disturbing trait about himself, and even if he does try to return, it will never be the same. Even for people who "don't go for any guy", sometimes it doesn't work out. Don't grab onto the idea of a relationship. Move on with your head high. Mourn the relationship, but you need to end things in your mind, heart, and actions. Pining for him, following him around, and especially continuing seeing him or communicating with him would be masochistic and unhealthy.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (30 August 2011):
 I'm sorry for your hurt and disappointment.
Thing is, he had only JUST come out of a previous relationship - sounds as though she was the one to end it - and wanted to find someone who does like him and could nurse his bruised ego. Yes, he likes you, but it is MUCH too soon for him to be seeking out someone else, you know!
What he should have done - and I hope he will now - would have been to take some time to be on his own. Maybe commiserate with his guy friends over what happened; spend some hours on his own wallowing in his grief and disappointment, thinking about the reasons for the breakup, plus what he can learn from it for the future, and slowly begin to allow himself to heal, while going on with his life, and doing things he enjoys so that he'll gradually be thinking less and less about his ex.
Unfortunately, he jumped straight into a relationship with you - you're the rebound person - and nobody wants to be that!
Your best bet now is to acknowledge to yourself that you and he met too soon, and to yes, be upset for a time, but to also go on with your life. It's not that you don't care about him, by no means. It's a question of looking after yourself! Make sure you eat properly and get enough sleep and exercise, focus on your job, take part in activities you enjoy; go out with your friends; call or visit someone you might know who is ill or in need of a little help (maybe someone elderly who'd be glad to hear from you from time to time).
As far as this man is concerned, don't contact him for a while. I'd give it a month or two at least before you call to see how he is - not to ask if he wants to get back together with you! You might also send a nice card......no pressure. He MIGHT, later on, indeed want to take up with you, but now is not the time!
Hope this helps!
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