A
female
age
36-40,
*llisInChains
writes:Hey GuysSince i moved to America from England last year, i've really struggled making friends of any kind, so most of my social interactions have taken place online.Today i woke up to a nasty note from my wife, she's gone through my e-mail address and found an e-mail from one of my playstation gaming buddies. The person this was from doesn't even live in the country. Basically this girl took it upon herself to send a picture of her and her friends dressing up for halloween (couldn't even see her face, but what i did see she wasn't even attractive) but i'm not a nasty guy and i said she was cute as i felt a picture comment was neccassary considering the fact she only wrote a couple of lines in the e-mail.I enjoy playing with this person online, and enjoy hearing about her culture. That's about it.She herself is in a relationship, and happy i believe. I tried to stress this to my wife, but she won't listen to me. I don't really know how to handle the situation, I've made it clear to my wife. I'm always talking about my wife and child, infact the only picture i sent was that of Me and my wife being pregnant with our child..Luckily, i had a hunch this would happen so i screenshotted some of the e-mails she sent in response to me talking about my family and how much i love them.What do i do? I'm lost. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 February 2010):
 This last comment was for Ortega63, I had thought to have sent it to his account and my computer stalled and it wound up here. Thanks for understanding!
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 February 2010):
I will be honest here and say that you should let your wife see you delete all of the accounts if need be. Trust once broken is often hard to re-etablish. It may time some time to regain her complete confidence. The Bible says that you should forgive and forget but sometimes forgiving is hard enough and almost impossible to forget. Experience teaches us that we need to change things that lead to the same path.
If it takes it, get rid of the computer! The most important thing is your family. If you love her so deeply and if the computer isn't necessary for work, then ditch it! Remember that she has been hurt deeply and it is going to take time, love and patience to get her thru this pain. Give her that unabiding love and allow her to heal. Sometimes it takes a long while but at any rate, let the healing process begin. :)
God is Mightier than anything and He knows your heart. Allow Him to enter in and guide you thru this troublesome time. Seek His refuge and do all you can to show your wife the love, honesty and respect that once drew her to you. Pray with all your heart and soul asking God to lead, guide and direct.....and ASK HIS FORGIVENESS FOR OFFENDING YOUR WIFE. aSK HER FOR FORGIVENESS WITH LOVE.
I pray that all is forgiven and will suggest that if you continue to have problems and you are unable to work them thru on your own that you seek professional councel. You can talk to a local Clergy such as a Pastor or Priest or to a marriage conselor. Don't waste precious moments, you have a family, take care to make their days wonderful and united. Do whatever it takes to set things right again.
God bless,
Blue_Angel0316
^(**)^
...............................
A
male
reader, ortega83 +, writes (21 February 2010):
I had made a mistake a long time ago by going online and talking to people. I spoken to all types of people, people who I dont even know. I'm responding to this because like you I made a mistake but I took it to another level. You were honest with your wife, but I really wasent honest with my wife at all. To get into more details, I would go online, and talk to one just to see pictures of them etc..
but I never had to contact with them at all or anything to do with them. One or two people I actually spoke with them on the phone, but never met them or anything. That's why I knew right away that I took it too far.But when I realize that it was already too late and my wife had already find out. I eventually came forward to wife and told her what happen and she forgave me. But after that, I kept doing it and doing it all the time. The whole point of this is that my wife does not trust me anymore and we are expecting a child and I'm afraid that I might loose her because of my stupidity. I wnt her to trust to me, to be honest. I love my wife so much and she means everything to me and I shouldnt do any of this to hurt her. I havent done anything online chatting or contacted anybody online in quite a while. I was trying to cancel and email account that had, and my wife learn that I being going online.
But the truth is that I havent, I have not spoken to anyone at all and is hard to get her to believe me.
She told me today, that I would not see my baby, if do something like this again. To be honest, I have been clean for quite some time now. I do not want to loose my family, not over something stupid. I need help and advice as well on what to do. I try to explain to my wife, that I havent done anything wrong, but she just doesnt buy it....
If i try to do something nice it would not make a difference, not like your not suppose to do nice things for your wife, but she would think that I would guilty about something when I really wasent. All I want is for my marriage to succeed and my wife to believe and have a healthy baby.Please advice
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I would concentrate on your new life with your family. Talk to your wife, tell her you are struggling to make new friends, and see what you can do together on that front, invite people over that sort of thing.
As for online friends, keep the as that friends, do not say anything that can be taken the wrong way and you should be fine.
...............................
A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (9 February 2010):
It's quite possible that she feels your playstation buddy is taking up her oneon one quality time you should be spending with her She thus may feel unwanted, unattractive, unnoticed, etc. This could have been worsened when she sees a pic and the You're cute comment! Trust me what you say in print doesn't always come out sounding the way you really mean it in a voice.
If you love your wife perhaps it time to get a new playmate or include her in your games so she knows you have no other intentions. Ask gamming friend to be less personal in her emails. You might need to change some habits and give your wife the little extra attention she may be lacking that has lead to her lowered self esteem and feeling of being ignored or dissed.
That's what love is all about, making choices out of love. I am sure you can make a great choice with careful thought and consideration. Don't make your wife feel guilty or intrusive, help her to feel the natural love and affection that you have for her. LET IT SHINE! GOD PUT YOU TOGETHER SO DON'T LET ANYTHING OR ANYONE BREAK THAT BOND!
God bless,
Blue_Angel0316
^(**)^
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): You could talk to your wife, and listen to what her specific insecurities are in this whole situation, and take action to make her more secure.
OR, you give up this gaming partner. She means nothing more to you than a playstation gaming partner, and that shouldn't be worth causing this much trouble in your marriage.
If the gaming relationship is anymore important to you than making your wife happy, then I'd say there's more to it than what you're saying.
In any relationship, you have to choose your battles. Is this one you want to fight?
...............................
A
female
reader, EllisInChains +, writes (9 February 2010):
EllisInChains is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell me and my wife both live together. Thanks for the advice though
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): this is a hard situation...you feel innocent and she feels violated. it is very hard being apart. i think the only thing you can possibly do at this point is to get rid of the playstation girl mal
...............................
|
