A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 19 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend for close to a year now. We started having sex a couple of months ago. He is the first guy I've had sex with. I love him and I know he loves me as well. My problem is this. I know that he has sexual fetishes, like BDSM kind of stuff, and that has never bothered me because he has never tried to get me to do anything too crazy. But when we do have sex he can get really rough, almost to the point of being violent. I don't think he realizes what hes doing, but sometimes it really hurts. He told me that the girl he was with before me was into that kinda stuff as well, so I'm assuming that she didn't mind the rough sex. I guess this is just what he's used to, but sometimes he pulls my hair really hard, and one time he had his hand on the back of my neck and just starting digging his fingers in. That was the one time I told him to stop and he did, immediately. But my neck was sore for a few days. He has left teeth marks and hickeys before and 9 times out of 10 I am very sore the day after we have sex.The first few times we had sex it was nothing like this. He was very careful and always asked if I was ok and how I felt. I think now he may just be getting more comfortable or something, but I am more sore now than I was the day after my first time!Its just kinda strange to me that he is like this in bed, because any other time he is very kind and loving and respectful. He's actually a really quite, laid back, kinda shy person. I guess my question is how can I talk to him about this? Is he just naturally this way? Will he always be like this? I mean I don't mind being a little kinky, but I don't like pain either! I guess I should also add that he is 6'1" and I am 5'3" and very petite. He works out a lot, so he is a lot bigger than me and stronger and very capable of hurting me. What should I do? I'm not gonna break up with him. He's an awesome guy and I'm crazy about him. I just need some advise on how to talk to him about it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have told him that I am willing to try some things, like maybe some types of bondage but nothing too extreme. The thing that bothers me is that he is a completely different person in the bedroom. Its like he's angry or something. Sometimes its almost like he's possessed. I know I have said "ouch" and cried out on more than one occasion and it was like he didn't even hear me! The one time I made him stop, the night he squeezed my throat, it was like he snapped out of it all of a sudden and he said he didn't even realize he'd been squeezing. He apologized, but he acted really weird after that and didn't want to keep going. It was a weird night. I don't want to make him feel bad or make him think he's not doing a good job. And I don't want him to start acting all weird again! I know he would never hurt me on purpose, but honestly, sometimes he scares me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah, I mean I would be willing to try some forms of bondage. Like handcuffs and stuff. Its not the kinkyness that bothers me. Its the fact that he gets so carried away sometimes that I don't think he realizes how rough he is. And I don't want to tell him to stop right in the middle of it, because I do enjoy having sex with him, and I don't want him to think he's not doing a good job or anything like that. But I know that on more than one occasion I have said "ouch!" or cried out or something and its like he doesn't even hear me! I swear sometimes he acts possessed. Its like he's angry or something. The time he grabbed my neck, it just freaked me out, and I was like "Stop, stop! That hurts!" I mean I almost screamed it at him. He let go and snapped out of it and was like "What? What did I do?" And I told him he was squeezing my throat and he said he didn't realize he was squeezing. He felt really bad after that and HE wanted to stop. That was a weird night. I really do love this guy, but sometimes he scares me. Its like he's a completely different person in the bedroom. I know he would never hurt me on purpose, but lately I'm not so sure that he won't hurt me by accident. I want to say something, but I don't want him to act all weird again and I don't want to upset him!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): I would turn the tables on him and tell him what turns you on and makes you hot. Most guys are really about performing to the girls standards and making sure they feel like they did a great job in bed. Its a real ego booster knowing your girl was pleased. Sooo I would use that little kinkyness you have and tell him what you want and how you want it. and make sure you throw in that you like it soft and slow and that's what really turns you on ( or something like that) just so you don't end up beat up.
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