A
male
age
41-50,
*ive it up!
writes:Who's responsible for doing what? I am having a very hard time understanding what is suppose to go on in my marrage. I am married almost four years and I get frustrated because I feel my wife does not contribute enough to this marrage. On the other hand I have expressed my conserns to her and she seems to feel the same way about me. My biggest frustration is the LAUNDRY. I feel she should be doing it most of the time and if she cant get to it I should help out when I get home from work or just when I can. I can't even get her to put her dirty clothes in the hamper or put her clean clothes where they belong. Does anybody have a suggestion? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (30 January 2008):
 Reading the posts it proves, we get married for the differences not because our spouse is like us. One of my instructors I had in school cleans his home and cooks the meals. He works much less than his wife, and earns much less also. He also has a certain way he likes his home clean. He's an accountant, so order is the way he lives. But they found a way to make it work. Of course being a bit obsessive compulsive is why he always cleans. But, they are happy. He also says his wife is the boss and learned to no longer question that a long time ago. If he wants something, he tricks her into believing it's something she wanted. Had some funny reverse psychology stories behind that.
As my mom says, marriage is not 50/50. It's pulls to one side or the other all the time. She cleans the home too, cooks the meals, while dad watches the evening news or reads a magazine. But he takes care of the repairs in their home and takes care of maintaing their vehicles. They found a way that works for them, utilizing eachothers strengths to be complete.
Take care.
A
male
reader, live it up! +, writes (30 January 2008):
live it up! is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the responces. All of them have actually made me feel much better about things. I really do beleive my wife will find the value in being organized and tidy someday. I can see that I get a little up tite at times. I do need to work in cleaning up my act and see how things are at that point.
Thanks again.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Like Peoriaman said, there are no set rules. But carping about everything that she DOESN'T do is a sure way to set yourself up for a lot of arguments and grief. If you can, sit down together and make a list of jobs you both hate. Then make a list of jobs you don't mind doing. Trade off and divvy up the jobs, one by one, according to the list, the last ones will be the ones that neither of you like, but at least, it will be an equitable division. Then stick to it. If she doesn't clean up, invite her Mother over for lunch. *evil grin* Tomorrow. Yep, she'll start picking things up.
Clothing on floor. I had a friend that stuck everything that was on the floor in a garbage bag. If he didn't ask after it in a year, she just tossed it out. Simple and effective.
If she asks where it is, she can't really complain if it was on the floor, and you don't have to nag. It kind of is a cause and effect routine. Saves arguing, and really, the untidiness is annoying, but the arguing is what's going to "trash" your marriage. Try to solve this with as little arguing as possible.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (28 January 2008):
 Sometimes when our partner does not do the work which she is supposed to do we have to pick up the slack.
We do it for her out of love. When you were romancing her, you would love to do everything for her.Remember those love and you will find it easier to do the laundry for her.
Someday she will do it herself but until she has come to that stage, I am afraid you need to cover for her and she will reciprocate in the other areas.
I'll scratch your back and you'll scratch mine.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (28 January 2008):
You two need to sit down together and make a plan that both of you will get some of what you want. You're both nitpicking, and need to stop doing that. There's more important things that need to take place in a marriage without the extra drama.
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