A
male
age
51-59,
*ohnnyboy
writes:I have been married for 11 years I love my wife sooooooo much but sex priorities are far apart, I had doubts about our compatibility the week before our wedding but know that a lady can't be 100% perfect, sex is the only area that she is not 100%. She is great at it but it always feels that is happens through duty rather than lust.I have started to flirt on affair sites and am not proud of my actions, I am yet to do anything but just need sex.How can I light her fire? Am I wrong to look elsewhere? I have had the same conversation for the last year but never feel she wants to resolve it.
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affair, flirt, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): An affair is devastating. Maybe you should say something like women are flirting with you and it's getting harder to resist. That's enough to jolt her into thinking more seriously about this problem. It IS a problem, and it's very important to talk about it. Can any compromises be made? What you're doing now is not working, so a different approach is needed. Sometimes a good book on women with intimacy problems is worth reading. I see alot of hope yet.
A
female
reader, misfitschik66  +, writes (9 February 2009):
 my best advice is to try to get into marriage councilling and if it needs more work maybe you both need seperate theorpy sessions there could be something deep under all this
maybe something happend in her past? maybe thats why she doesn't like to talk about it?
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A
male
reader, Johnnyboy +, writes (9 February 2009):
Johnnyboy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the replies, I hve never assumed that it is her fault, I know this is a two way street, I have tried various seducing things, the more efort I put in the moe frustration I feel on the rejection. then it just builds up inside and I become very miserable, she has always had 'issues' for reasons not to want sex, she has a fantastic figure but does not believe it herself.
I am not able to initiate the conversation as she always shuts up and tries to avoid.
When she has had a few glasses of wine she is a changed person, sex is great.Trouble is she hadly ever drinks
I do think she loves me as she is very caring and thoughtful.
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A
female
reader, kathy255  +, writes (9 February 2009):
I was in a commited relationship for eight years and for the first five I always wanted to have sex with him. Then things started to change. I fell out of love with him and I just did not want to have sex with him anymore. I suggest marriage couseling to find out the root of the problem. She may have lost her libido, or she may not be in love with you anymore.
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A
male
reader, kinkydude +, writes (8 February 2009):
I'm not sure that its all your wifes fault. It could be that she doesn't like the way things have been done with her.
I find it hard to believe that a woman doesn't like being sensually touched all over her body, romanced, massaged, gentle slow love making. If you've been doing the rough and tumble for years, thats going to drive any sense of desire from her.
What you need to try is this: Romance her with some wine and candles, conversation, try giving her a massage, try a more sensual approach to foreplay, look into and study tantra- check out Diane Richardson, Margot Anand
Jaiya...youtube is a great place to look.
If you focus on HER pleasure, she is bound to respond. And when she does, you will too. Its a cycle. I urge you to check out the Red Hot touch series
(DVD) by Jaiya, particularly on erotic massage.
All too often men think of the ole' in and out as a rough and tough activity, but just by taking things very very slowly, and pleasuring her fully, this could change things drastically.
Especially if she has suffered years of bad sex, or even abuse in her life.
Sorry to give it to you so hard there. But I sure this info can do wonders for your life, trust me.
Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): You're going to have to seduce her. Oh yes, it works. I feel like I'm talking naughty, but she's your WIFE.:) It's going to take a little patience from you, but you can do it. Besides, you can be 'patient' to look for an affair-bad choice with consequences, or be 'patient' in seducing your lovely wife. It's your little secret. There must be some books on-line to learn the art. Have Fun! You're so sneaky;)
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A
male
reader, kinkydude +, writes (8 February 2009):
I'm not sure that its all your wifes fault. It could be that she doesn't like the way things have been done with her.
I find it hard to believe that a woman doesn't like being sensually touched all over her body, romanced, massaged, gentle slow love making. If you've been doing the rough and tumble for years, thats going to drive any sense of desire from her.
What you need to try is this: Romance her with some wine and candles, conversation, try giving her a massage, try a more sensual approach to foreplay, look into and study tantra- check out Diane Richardson, Margot Anand
Jaiya...youtube is a great place to look.
If you focus on HER pleasure, she is bound to respond. And when she does, you will too. Its a cycle. I urge you to check out the Red Hot touch series
(DVD) by Jaiya, particularly on erotic massage.
All too often men think of the ole' in and out as a rough and tough activity, but just by taking things very very slowly, and pleasuring her fully, this could change things drastically.
Especially if she has suffered years of bad sex, or even abuse in her life.
Sorry to give it to you so hard there. But I sure this info can do wonders for your life, trust me.
Good luck!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2009): Hang in there. Communication is far more important than any other aspect in marriage. Go to a councellor - once you can talk it over - it can be fixed. Good Luck
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