A
male
age
51-59,
*_junior
writes:My wife cheated on me and I think she's still with him. I begged her to give me another chance, but she said she didn't know if she could make us work anymore. She thinks she's in love with the new guy and has said that sex with me had become unsatisfying and is the farthest thing from her mind. I massage her feet and wait on her hand and foot when she comes home from work. She said she appreciates my efforts, but she still wants a divorce. It's difficult living apart i the same house and I'm supposed to be looking for a new home, but I can't take the idea of being apart. Last night I kissed her big toe when I finished the foot massage and told her I was still in love with her. She reiterated that she appreciates that I'm trying, but that I'm emasculating myself in front of her. She said she didn't know what to do about me and told her best friend, so now it'll be awkward next time I see her. I don't know what else to do, is there a tactic I can use to show my worth to her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Generally, any footwork is putting you at her feet. It's submissive to do it. You probably need to develop a feeling of dominance, as in higher status within your own mind so that you feel equal/higher than her. It is difficult to do because it's a primitive part of the brain that you have to change. You can't fake it, but you can tell yourself affirmations over and over and over again, e.g.
Be strong
Survive
Be confident
No chasing women
Be happy on your own
Since she's shown herself to have poor morals (she cheated), you should leave her. That is one act of dominance.
She should have the affirmation, 'no cheating, ever'.
All the best
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (9 February 2010):
 WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!!You were betrayed and yet you are trying to prove YOUR WORTH??THE TIME For sitting down and talking to her is over...that train left a long time ago...MAN UP!What the hell are you doing.People do not respect doormats and while this is a sometimes natural occurrence, you need to think about giving her some consequences. People don't respect wussiesThat meansseeing a Divorce LawyerSeparating your financesWhat you need to be doing is showing her that you will get along just fine with or without her.WHY IS SHE STILL IN YOUR HOME??? KICK HER OUT AND SEE HOW EASY IT IS FOR HER NEW BF TO BE THE MAN...WHEN SHE SEES YOU ARE SERIOUS AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO TOLERATE THIS SHE WILL EITHER THROW THE OM UNDER THE BUS OR NOTYou see, she is in the fog and is sitting on the fence. You sitting around waiting for her to make a decision is not the way to go and it makes you look terrible.You need to do a 180 on her ass right now..Cheaters will never see the light unless they fear losing something and she has no fear of losing you. Your actions say that her behavior, while objectionable, is tolerable. she needs to feel the consequences of her actions, and that means her leaving the marital home and it also means that if this other man is married or has a significant other they need to be notified of this affair right away.There is no hope of reconciliation while she is in the fog. Unless she cuts off all contact with this guy, you don't have a shot. She has to send a No contact Letter with you witnessing the mailing of it and have full transparency with youshe lost any right to determine the course of the marriage when she cheated...KICK HER OUT NOW!!!Let me ask you this in closing...Had the roles been reversed(you cheating instead of her) do you think she would allow you to live in the same home as her while trying to figure out who you were in love with? To try to prove her worth to you? You understand how stupid that scenario sounds, yet you are doing it!!!!Wake the hell up, man!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2010):
The sad truth is that you're trying your best and it's still not working. You both need to sit down and you need to ask what you can do to make her stay, and she needs to be honest about all this cheating. If it still doesn't seem as if she's making an effort, then it's over.
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