A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,unfortunately im in love with a married man, who is muslim too and im not.im seperated from my husband but at the time, we were trying to work things out. i think i knew it was all over though. he left me over two years ago while i was pregnant with our second child. consequently, i dont think i can ever forgive him for what he done.so, the guy and me began working together a few months ago but then our feelings came out and we started spending private times together at work. talking, kissing and heavy petting but no further than that.i knew it was wrong but after the hell i endured with my husband and struggling to bring up two young children on my own, i just wanted to feel wanted and cared for again. he made me feel alive again.he felt extremely guilty about his wife and my husband and i know his faith must have been an issue too although he didnt mention that. he told me he loved his wife and he felt she didnt deserve what we were doing. he said although we havent really done anything, just liking each other was enough. i agreed.but then we would keep getting into flirty situations and he would end up kissing me again, then he would feel guilty again and say we shouldnt be doing it and it had to be over.since the last encounter a few months ago, i dont work with him anymore although we work in the same company and i see him a lunchbreaks once a week. i reduced my hours too so i dont see him as much because he just breaks my heart. i miss the way he made me feel.he has been quite flipant like he doesnt care but he says he has to be like that and wont allow himself to feel anything.i struggle to forget him, i know what the right thing is to do, i know there is no future, i know its wrong but he has completely took over my head. i think about him every day...i tell myself im learning to get over this and getting stronger.then i see him at work and all the good work ive done to try to get over him all becomes a waste of time. while he on the other hand is happy and over it.last week his friend, who i also worked with, who is my friend too, called me. i spoke to 'him' too and we all had a three way conversation, just joking around. they called again later that evening and i ended up having a strange conversation with his/my friend about who we liked at work, but not really giving anything away. when i seen the friend at work the next day he told me that it was 'him' who suggested calling me both times! that makes my feel crap again as it makes me wonder if hes interested.i spoke to our friend about our conversation the previous night and said that i think i got the impression he was interested in me. as he gave me an inkling before, before i was involved with 'him'. nobody knows about us only this one friend. he made out he was interested although he wouldnt admit it completely. so i decided to just explain how if he did like me he needs to know i had huge feeling for 'him' and told him that when it ended i was gutted.i do like my friend, hes single (which is good) and we get on really well, having a laugh. i said i would be happy to enjoy spending time with him and i wasnt looking for a serious relationship. i said i did nt want to feel like i was moving from one man to the other. that evening i was at home and we tx each other for hours just having a laugh. it was nice.complicated i know..im now thinking, these two guys are good friends with each other and it all feels a bit wierd. i dont want them comparing notes! although they are good guys. and would like to think theyre not like that.im tired of feeling the way i do, so the distraction will do me good, i think its what i need. nothing serious. i wouldnt be using him because hes aware of the situation. but nothing changes the fact that i still have strong feelings for 'him'...i just want to get on with my life.thanks for listening
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at work, flirt, kissing, married man, muslim Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessper84  +, writes (12 February 2010):
Its not goods to be with someone from your job try to find someone else where. There's a lot of nice men out the just use your own judgement. Us wmen knows what's best 4 us. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): You are very brave. And wise too to break off with the married guy. You are right in trying to keep your distance.
Why not make more friends too... in the neighbourhood or on the internet even so you have less time for these two.
Give yourself some time. And take it slow with your single friend. Real slow. So everyone has time to adjust to it.
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