A
male
age
51-59,
*ev
writes:My wife has recently started using internet chat sites, mainly a flirting one. She can sit for hours chatting to other men most of which is of a personal and sexual nature, she has also given out her mobile number to some of these men so that they can chat over the phone. She seems to get some sort of sexual kick out of this, not so long ago she used to condone this sort of thing but now thinks it ok, Am i right to be annoyed and upset by this?
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female
reader, steph449 +, writes (8 May 2009):
its cheating she is needing something from these people that she isnt getting in her relationship so are you there for her if you are and she is still doing it then she is bored some people think the grass is greener but it very rarely is so talk to her and if you want to save it you need to go back to the beginning and think what attracted you to her then and try to put the magic back in
A
female
reader, saucy sam +, writes (30 December 2007):
 hi there,
you have every right to be upset at the end of the day this is yor wife and the sexual experiences she is sharing with other men should be with her own husband. i know exactly what your going through my boyfriend used to do it to me and its really not nice athough i am 20yrs old i know what is like to feel the way you do.
why dont you sit your wife down and get her to explain why she is logging in to these chatrooms and talking with other men in a sexual nature. tell her how you feel best wishes let me know what happens x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): i would go mad if that was me too. i wouldnt stay with her either.because down right decieptful women never change. if she had a problem with you she should have said. too many marriages end because of cheating,the good old days are gone. go forward and make another life because she will never change. shes not bothered you know what shes up to either. shame on her!!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): You have a good reason to be suspicious. I know a woman on line that met her husband in an internet chat room. They married after a 4 year courtship while she continued to date other men. After they married she only waited two weeks before cheating on him with another guy she met on line. They've been together 10 years and she has continuously cheated with dozens of lovers over the course of the marriage. She's done group sex with 4 men and even done "wife" swapping with a boyfriend with her pretending to be the wife. Her initial contact with every single one of the men was via computer chat rooms. Since many of the chat areas have a local area section it's easy for her to find men within driving distance. Her husband either knows and is afraid to say anything or is the dumbest man on earth. Good luck with your situation. By the way, if I lived close enough to this woman I'd be with her right now (or waiting in a line) rather than answering this post.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): I am sorry as well, Kev, that your marriage came to this. Plainly she did not care, did she. She did not want to build up this marriage and you couldn't do it completely on your own, could you. It certainly sounded like to me...that you both had simply an arrangement and not much of a marriage relationship.
If there are children involved...protect them from their Mother's acting out behaviors. If she's talking online to strange men for sexual purposes, then she is endangering her life and will do the same to the children. It could be just a matter of time, before the men will come to the home to visit her. Get to a lawyer...pronto and find out how you can go through the courts to protect yourself and the kids, if there are any. This is no longer about her and her needs, anymore. This is about YOU (and the kids). And you need to be strong and are consider the rest of your life and make your and their's a happy existance, as well. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (10 October 2007):
 I'm very sorry to hear that and i hope you are doing ok, hopefully in time you will be able to put this behind you and move on as you deserve better.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, kev +, writes (10 October 2007):
kev is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your kind words iv tried talking to my wife but as far as she sees it their is no harm in what she is doing, unfortunatley we are no longer together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2007): Yes, you do have a right to be upset. She is married to you and she is selfishly and blatantly 'emotionally' cheating on you. Having your wife share intimate, sexual details with online partners will if if hasn't already, caused her primary focus to switch dramatically from your relationship to one with other men be it online or in real life, eventually. Your life will be affected very negatively by her sexual dalliances online, just as they would be if she did this in real life. The attraction of online relationships is that they remove the difficulties people have with face-to-face communication, in their real lives and also allow people to recreate themselves in a world of fantasy. She's doing this by trolling the internet for male attention and using other men to feel 'alive and desired'. Anytime, she sits at the computer or the phone and spends time, talking sex with other men, she is making the clearcut, adult choice to deprive you from her attentiveness, love, her emotional energy and intimacy. She's escaping from the need to develop, enhance, grow and work on your marriage. Playing a game of tittilating game 'internet footsies' with what she thinks are men, who want her...is a dangerous game. They could be anyone-weirdos, perverts, underage youth. Who are these people...really? What a huge risk she is taking with her marriage, her family and life. I do think if she follows this path, she is destined to feel even lonelier than she is now.I recommend you get strong, ask her if she values this marriage and then you get rid of the internet, the mobile phone and sit with your wife. Discuss with her what is lost in your marriage that has caused this behavior of hers. Then begin the steps of renewing your committment to each other. Start with communication and then think about some marriage counselling. That may be a place to start. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (8 October 2007):
You need to sit down and have a serious talk about this. Ask your wife why she needs to do this, what she enjoys about it, and why or how can she get what she needs from you? Of course you can tell her it hurts and bothers you, but you might also need to be prepared to do more. Why is she spending her evenings on a computer anyway? Give her something better to do - go out to dinner, go to a movie, get involved with something the two of you can share.
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A
female
reader, JackieR +, writes (7 October 2007):
 You must talk to your wife now about this!!!
Is your relationship going through a bad patch? When did she start to chat to other men? Has something happened to make her do this??
Do you want your marriage to work? if so then you must ask her why she feels the need to do this and put her marriage at risk!!! Happy couples in happy relationships don't do this.
Is she unhappy, bored, feeling unloved or not appreciated enough?? There is a reason she is doing this, and if you love her you need to find out what it is!!
So stop being angry (i can understand why) and do something about this or you can kiss what ever is left of your marriage goodbye.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2007): YES, YES, YES. You have every right, just let her know that this is not acceptable and how would she feel if it was you chatting with girls. i bet she wouldnt like it one bit and she would be on here asking for our advise. Talk to her and let her know exactly how you feel.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, anneon  +, writes (7 October 2007):
 This sort of thing is akin to cheating, especially since she is engaging with them over the telephone as well. It's very easy for these things to get out of hand, and it may end up with these men wanting to meet up with her.
Tell her to stop... maybe go to counselling if she is unwilling.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 October 2007):
 I think you have got every right to be annoyed and upset by what your wife is doing. She is not only chatting to guys in chat rooms, but also she is exchanging phone mumbers too. If she is exchanging numbers is she also arranging to meet these guys too. I think this is something that has got to be taken up with her sooner rather than later. Tell her that you don't think its on what she is doing and that it must stop now. Express that you feel hurt and betrayed by her actions.
Take care
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (7 October 2007):
Too right you should be upset about this as far as i would be concerned this is just as bad as having an affair.
What your relationship like at the moment, had things got bad between you bofore this started to happen?
You need to tell her how much this hurts you and try and get to the reason behind why she is doing it.
Take care.x.
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