A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I often see posts from guys saying their wife/gf wants to be a nude model or stripper and wondering how and if they can handle it, but I have the opposite problem, and I've not seen it here before. I'm a guy in his early sixties. For the past couple of years or so I've been working as a life (nude) model for artists, art groups, students etc. I absolutely love it, the respect and appreciation you get from the artists, the confidence boost of knowing you can do it, the feeling of contributing to and being a part of the making of art (which is often stunning) and of helping people to learn and develop their artistic skills all gives me a terrific "lift" and I can honestly say that even though its not the best paid job I've even had, it is definitely the one I enjoy the most.In the environment of the art groups, being a nude model is not regarded as anything out of the ordinary or shocking, but quite normal, in fact many of the artists have modelled themselves.But my wife, although initially supportive and even encouraging of me "having a go" has become more uncomfortable the more successful I've become. I've worked hard to get accepted as a genuine model, and people now compliment me and call me a very good model who can hold interesting poses and keep still for long periods. When I began to get steady bookings (2-3 every week) and have a proper business going, my wife has become very unhappy with it all. She struggles to cope because she hates the idea of others seeing me naked, saying that she believes it should only be one's partner who sees you like that (something I totally disagree with myself), and that it is not quite "right" or "normal". It has got to the point where I have stopped modelling because I can't bear to see her upset, and because I do not think that you should force something upon somebody that they are unhappy with. But as job offers just keep coming in and I keep having to turn them down, I find that I am beginning to resent it more and more. I've been married over 30 years and love my wife dearly so I really don't want to upset her (and she doesn't like that it upsets her and that I can't do what I want, but says she can't help it) but just what are you supposed to do in that situation where you can't do the thing you really enjoy and it is making you angry and frustrated. It's driving me nuts, frankly!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood answer, thank you. Of course you are right, it is me who has changed, though I think that it is perhaps not surprising over the course of 30 odd years that one changes perspective, gains confidence etc. But my wife's feelings are still the number one priority and so, as I said in the original post, I have stopped doing the modelling. It is just very hard not to resent having to stop when I have built it up and enjoy it, and within the circles where I did it, it is not regarded as anything other than respectable.But you are completely wrong about one thing. If the tables were turned, if it was her who had discovered nude modelling, and who loved it and gained lots of confidence from it, I am certain that I'd be completely supportive and happy for her. I am enormously proud of her, her looks, her achievements and accomplishments and always support her in whatever she wants to do and enjoy her success. In my view, our relationship is solid enough that there is no need for jealousy or insecurity, so why on earth shouldn't she model if she wanted to. Why should I mind other people looking at her (and the artists are usually of both sexes by the way), she is beautiful?
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (12 October 2014):
I think that you should stop modelling nude, and perhaps try to be a clothed life model instead (I did art at school and they exist too). If it was something you had been doing before you met her, then it would be different, but since it's new, you are effectively the one who has changed the terms of the marriage which I don't think is fair.
I do feel for you, but I can understand why your wife is uncomfortable. You are spending a lot of time naked in front of strangers, and in turn have developed all this new confidence on the back of it. She is probably feeling left out and wondering why this admiration from others means more to you than how she feels. She might also worry that this confidence and naked exposure to other women might lead you to look elsewhere. She is looking for your reassurance that she is still your number one priority.
I think you need to try to think about it from her point of view. Can you truly say that you'd be 100% comfortable with her spending so much time naked in front of others too? That after she's sat naked in front of other men, she has all this new confidence and wants to do it more and more? I don't know many partners who wouldn't feel a little bit uncomfortable with that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've suggested she comes with me, then she could see that what goes on is "normal" and not "kinky" as she thinks. Also I'd love to share the experience with her ans let her see me working but she refuses. I don't think she is jealous of my success, she has her own ventures which are very successful, and I don't believe she's afraid Ill have an affair. But I think there is insecurity. It is based on her own deep seated moral values, which I respect but just find it hard to have to give up something I love because of beliefs that I don't actually share. Interestingly she wouldn't mind if I was one of the artists drawing someone else nude. Trouble is I can't draw or paint. But hat tells me it is not nudity per se, just my nudity that worries her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): Couple counselor will tell you this: you need to respect your wife's feelings, and stop upsetting her.
It's good that you at least stoped modeling nude. I was working on college as nude model for artists, and when I met my husband he stopped it right away. He said the same as your wife, he is the only one that can see me naked.,
As much as I resented it also, as I was making pretty good money, I stopped because I didnt want to upset him.
I guess the secret of a good marriage is to care about what your partner feels and respect that. Your wife is not being unreasonable, she doesn't want other people to see you naked, you can't ignore it. I think the best would be for you to come to terms with it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): That is certainly frustrating. I highly recommend couples' counseling!
I would like to know WHY your wife doesn't like others seeing you naked. Maybe there isn't more too it…but I have a feeling that there is. Is she jealous of your success? Afraid that it could lead to an affair?
It seems to me that possessiveness, while normal in a relationship, is rooted in insecurity.
Would it make her feel better to attend one of the classes you model for?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2014): I don't know what to tell you. I understand both your sides. I probably would find something else to do which didn't upset my partner so much. Maybe if she came with you while you modeled she might feel better? Or maybe that would make her uncomfortable. Talk it out with her.
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