A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, So my wife and I have been married for almost 3 years. It's a very good relationship, we are quite open with eachother, we don't hide things and almost never argue. our sex is, I would say, above average... not too much but not too little either. I have has a few partners before I met my wife, but I was her first. She has recently asked my permission to "try" sleeping with other men... Now, I am usually pretty open minded (which is why I think she had the courage to mention this at all) and I said it was ok *IF* 1) I was actively involved in the selection and FULLY aware. 2) she 100% used condoms and each excursion was done with my full consent and knowledge beforehand. and 3) *I* was allowed to do the same should I chose. Now, I have not thought of being unfaithful. I love my wife with all my heart. I would be lying if I said I never fantasized about having sex with another woman... I think most if not ALL guys do. My wife FULLY agreed to conditions 1 and 2, but she absolutely refused condition 3 stating that she would be insanely jealous and insecure if I slept with another woman, even with her knowledge. So, with this in mind, I said I would have to think about it (which I have... searching the net for similar experiences to draw information from). I have yet to give her an answer... she has told me that if it bothers me, not to think about it and she will not cheat. but of course... I AM thinking about it. I have to. Your thoughts are welcome, but please, I am NOT interested in any lecturing from religion. I am an atheist and not interested in any of "gods" words, so don't bother if you're going to preach, I only want answers from mature, intelligent, and open minded people. Thanks
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atheist, condom, insecure, jealous, sex with another, the internet Reply to this Question
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male
reader, happy140  +, writes (30 November 2010):
 All your added info has no bearing unless she "turns" which I don't think will ever happen your here soal mate and father of the kid. Many orientals I have found have that desire. If you can enjoy it let her try it
A
female
reader, EtTuBrute +, writes (30 November 2010):
 I'm on the fence with this question but I'll try to give you the point of view from a woman who actually thought about this.
I once asked my boyfriend in the beginning of our relationship for a threesome. At first, he was a little upset at the idea but then tried to get himself excited about it because he knew I wanted it. In the end, we didn't do it because I realized that he shouldn't have to go through that just to make me happy. The fact that he was even considering it was enough for me.
I guess my point is that if this is going to happen, there needs to be 100% agreement on all sides. I feel like your wife is not 100% dedicated to you and really needs to think about the fairness of her suggestion.
By the way, I also tried to play the "women get more jealous card" but to be honest, I think that's BS! Why would one partner be allowed to branch out and experiment when the other isn't? We are all human and we all feel the same emotions. Just because men are taught never to show their insecurities, doesn't mean they don't have them.
Perhaps, you could try a three-some with a man and then with another woman so the experience is great for both of you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst let me thank you who have answered so quickly. Also, I just wanted to add a little more background on us to help with your thoughts on the subject.
I am 9 years older than my wife, she is a non-practicing christian(meaning she doesn't go to church or any of that stuff but professes a belief in god), but that rarely comes up (I as I have stated am atheist). we have a very loving and affectionate relationship. and lastly we have an adorable 6 month old child whom we both love dearly. Also, I don't know if this makes any difference, but I'll put it out there for reference purposes, my wife is Chinese and I am Caucasian.
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A
male
reader, fuckedupdude1  +, writes (30 November 2010):
i think your wife's being unfair....... but you have to understand that women are touchy bout that kinda thing....... i think u should let your wife try out hat he wants a long as its fine with you....... dont push the matter of her not letting you sleep with other women too far...... its hard to get something out of a woman by directly asking her u gotta beat around he bush - with a baseball bat....... eventually they'll get it.......... so good luck
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A
male
reader, happy140 +, writes (30 November 2010):
Well let me say this –GO FOR IT!!! I let my wife do it and it opened our relationship up. It got the urges out of her mind and she was able to compare dick size, girth, and styles of sex. She would come home and tell me and we would go at it. My third stipulation would have been you must have sex with me when you get home. I never did go out an find another woman, I didn’t want one I wanted her and I wanted her happy and if that meant she need to open herself up sexually then so be it. I say go with the flow and enjoy the sex you will get from her heightened activity. After about 10 men she no longer wanted to do it, appreciated me even more, and is now as dedicated as any woman can be. She just needed to sow her oats.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2010): This situation is bad news all around. This is my mature, open minded and intelligent opinion. Sorry, but any way you cut, if you're honest with yourself, you know that it is. She is being incredibly selfish and unfair. I as well am with my husband who is my first and only, but he has had a few others before me. I would never even THINK of asking of my husband what your wife has asked of you (even though in the beginning my husband suggested to me if I wanted to sleep with other men and it horrified me, I told him to banish the thought, but ever since he has been insanely paranoid and jealous, but that is another story....) Yeah, seriously, if I was in your place, I would have totally walked out of the door the minute she even asked for this. Commitment means just that, commitment. If she can't do it, then she just can't do it, tell her to get out of your life to make room for someone who will love you the way you, the way everyone, deserves to be loved.
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