A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, please help me on this, for two years I dedicated my life to this girl, I loved her, care for her, look after her, did everything in my power for her to be happy, and it was never enough. I married her last year. Our arguments continued and in fact got worse as she had a very short temper and was very selfish, it was becoming too much for me to bear. I had no peace in life, I would all the time worry about how to satisfy her and her needs without me being appreciated or counted at all. I was fed up with it, but deep inside I loved her, and will always love her, I still do, some crazy love you might say, I don’t know it myself. It is sound strange, but that is me.She never cares for me and what is important for me in life, as it was always about her and her priorities. We were separated, but not divorced, for the past few months we've been living seperate, and I always thought somehow it will work out, but at the same time I wasn’t sure that would be a good thing for me. Till a couple of weeks ago, she never told me she doesn’t love me anymore, or she wants divorce, but she said it now. It didn’t come as a big surprise to me as I was kind of expecting it, but didn’t want to believe because I really put so much in to the relationship, I was so sad to hear that from her mouth, it was like this is not real.I think she has meet someone (even though I am not sure) and that is really heart breaking for me, I can’t even think of her being with someone else while she is still married to me, even though we are living separate now.Anyway firstly I don’t know what do? she has really hurt me so much during the past couple of months, my love is not the same as before for her, but I still have a feelings for her. I found it hard in my heart to even ask her back after what she has put me through, and don’t know if I should? besides I don’t think she will come back.Secondly with valentine's day coming up soon, should I be sending flowers to her? She is still my wife after all, but somehow in one hand I am saying she doesn’t deserve it, on the other hands my feelings don’t let me not want to do it. It is very hard to even explain my feelings, as real love is so strange and amazing feelings, which doesn’t go away in a flash no matter what the other party put you through or does to you. Maybe I just need a wake up call from someone, to say let go of this trouble person, she is not for you.Please advise me what I should be doing in this case?, and where do I go from here and how?Thanks very much
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Angel-Face +, writes (9 February 2007):
 dude get a grip shes moved on and your making your self look silly she proberly found other love and shes not intresed any more dont get strung along go out and find someone les someone who you can send flowers and thay will give you something back ok dude
A
female
reader, NuttyGooner +, writes (9 February 2007):
 I disagree with Ask Jessie - Giving her flowers on Valentines would send one of these two messages1) "Come back, please - treat me like a doormat, oh and don't forget to wipe your feet!"2) It might also home across as stalking behaviour, and a little bit clingy too!MY ex (even though my other half and I have been together for nearly 3 years) stills sends me cards and messages onValentines Day, even though he ended it - and I find it quite disturbing!Save the money on the flowers and buy yourself a good shirt (I recommend Thomas Pink) and do something outlandish!Good luck! XOX
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A
female
reader, AngelEyes420  +, writes (9 February 2007):
What do I know, but I do think, if after 2 yrs it's like this, maybe it's for the best to cut her loose. You seem like a good man, and deserve someone who will appreciate all you have to offer. And there are ladies out there who are going through hard times too, and deserve to meet someone like you. shouldn't you give them a chance too? This women sounds like yeah, she has no heart, and no soul either. If she's seeing someone, it's because she doesn't know how to deal with or face her emotions and that other guy is making her forget about her pain, temporarily. The sad thing for her is, no one can fix her problems for her. She's in for a wake-up call when she figures things out, and how she trashed you so cruelly. I say send her flowers if they a gesture of peace, not necisarily for love. I would probably give better advice, but Im in the same boat as you right now. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): sorry me again as male above 'ask jessie'. i cannot state enough how i disagree [ my progative i know] with her saying ''always best to keep the peace''. that is nothing but victum behaviour and would lead you to being ' emotionally shredded'.reach in to the man inside and really see if ''you need her'' or your dignity most. its sadly quite possible to let go and as a consequence meet someone more deserving of your gentle nature. there are nice ladies who have been hurt who will appreciate you- honest.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 February 2007):
 I wouldn't send her flowers love, she's told you it's over and she wants a divorce. You said she may even be seeing someone else. What more do you need to hear before you will believe it's over.
You seem a lovely sensitive person with a lot of love to give to the right person. Unfortunately, she was NOT the right person for you. She seems very immature and selfish, only thinking of her own needs above yours. If you were to continue with her she would destroy you. Already your confidence and self esteem have been shattered. You need to move on now and forget about her. It will be hard but NOT impossible. You are still young and of course time is a great healer, as long as you keep yourself focussed and busy and think positive.
Tell yourself you can do better. Tell yourself she was no good for you, she would bring you nothing but heartache and pain. Look at you now!!! Can you imagine what it would be like for you 5 years down the line if you got back with her??? Here is a link to help you get your confidence back and another one to help you to move on after a breakup.
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up
If you need or want to talk about this some more then please don't hesitate to email me and I'll try to help you through this.
Eve
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2007): hello there chap. i am so sorry for your tortous unhappiness; i've been there to some degree- most men have suprisingly if that helps at all- and know how hard it is to break 'the connection'- however strong- even when we know a relationship isnt right for us, even positively destructive [ contradiction !?] Its in a decent mans pysche not to give up on such,its the 'decent thing' and this can end up making us stay long enough that it takes years to restore our shredded self-esteem. theres some key words up there to think hard about brother: 'positively destructive', 'decent man', 'self esteem' just to help a frazzled brain out ! difference? you have heart-she dont
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A
female
reader, ask jessie +, writes (9 February 2007):
yes i think you should try to make an effort to get back with her because its always best to keep the peace. even if you have had a very bad argument, you still need her. Give her flowers personally, maybe write a poem, apologise and I'm sure you will be back together in no time. if you have any more questions, feel free to email me here.
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