A
male
age
41-50,
*ilgamish
writes:I feel I need advice from you people to save my family. I have 3 kids with my wife after 12 years of marriage, I have to tell that during our time together we had good and bad times. Well mostly good times and I must admit that I love my wife in all times, the good and the bad. She is a wonderful woman and our product was a great family of 3 angels. I started a private work to improve our economical condition, But I had to spend a lot of time and money to make it successful, I lost my credit ability and even I used my wife’s and made her lose it. It was a very hard time, and finally she decided to go to work to help us during the hard time.From this point problems started to appear. She has changed dramatically and she started to take care of herself more than usual and I felt something is going on. I started to be worried and finally she came to me one month ago and asked for divorce? Well the reason what she find for that is that she doesn’t trust me any more and she doesn’t feel secure with me. I tried to calm her down and I said give us a time and I suggested 3 months, she agreed. But I felt she was hiding things from me and she started to hide her rings from others.Then I started to spy on her until I managed to logon to her work email and it was the big surprise for me!!She is having an affair with an old married man (colleague) at work. I admit that I became crazy and I woke her up at midnight and hit her, first she denied that and after that she told me the truth which was hurting me a lot.Well since that time I am trying to fix the case, I don’t know how. I love her and I love my children but I feel so angry when I remember her behavior, she wants a divorce but how can I trust that she will give my girls the values that I have, including loyalty and truth. I don’t know what to do, I have a very bad time and I hope to find a solution, she is 32 and I am 41, many times she said to me it's age matter, but still I don’t understand why a woman can cheat on her husband? Why she is ready to give me up after 12 years of successful marriage, she keeps saying that I love you more than myself, and now she is saying my love to you is like the love of a sister to brother?
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affair, at work, divorce, I love you, married man, money Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Gilgamish +, writes (15 November 2008):
Gilgamish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell in fact you are right, but remember something, you cannot know others inside, well I believed she is a very good person, and she was and i have to say that she is a good person and has a very good characters, but this weakness in the wares part of her. Today for instance i talked to her after i found out that she is using pregnancy prevention pills, i became very angry again and i asked her for what u use it? she answered for my skin it is sensitive. While she was writing to the guy that we can have sex without fear of pregnancy because i will start using these pills. You see I told her just yesterday that we could make mistakes, we are human beings but we should at lest accept that they are wrong, but if we make them and do not consider them as wrong acts then it is a big problem, morally and ethically. I feel i love her and at the same time i am angry and lost trust in her, today for instance we went for shopping and when i was with my kids in the restaurant and she went to buy some cloths, i was so suspicion that she might meet a man or something like that. She is killing me slowly i feel, i hope i can pass this trouble and i hope to protect my kids from this kind of behaviors
A
male
reader, Gilgamish +, writes (14 November 2008):
Gilgamish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell,
Thanks for the replyes and advices. I must accept the fact that I am responable about this result in case she made it first time, I mentioned that she was cheating on me 6 years ago when we had a golden time, just because she is a week person, as i see her, she is easy to get! and thats making me crazy, for Fade878, I really respect your opinion but please look at the case from both sides, well i would copy and paste her emails to the married man and you will understand what kind of thinking she carry. I am not perfect but i believe we can change our ideas to better and build up our family values, tell me what she will teach my children? I believe if some body has no values then he or she cannot give them to others, or do u want her to teach them something and she do the opposit? she was saying to the married man that i still love my kids and husband but i do not mind to cheat on him?? is this right? Thats why i am angry and sad, by the way i believe we had a very nice, happy life for more than 10 years, i never treated her badly or abused her i hope she could write and tell her opinion, I am in my way to fix the case but i believe there is many factors interabted in this case, her age, work atmospher and our trobles.
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A
male
reader, Gilgamish +, writes (14 November 2008):
Gilgamish is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, Thanks for everybody who replied or gave a comment. I want to clear some points and i want to justify my wife not myself only:1- I never hit her in my life but twice, 6 years ago she was nearly cheating on me with another guy but i found out that in the right time and this time, my hitting wasnt for revange or anger only, it was for the hurt you feel when you are loyal for somebody and she is not! in addition, for her lies, i hate people lying and if she told me the truth i might behave with her differently.2- The other problem i have is children issue, i have three girls, and i dont want her to nurse them, what she will teach them? lessons on how to cheat and lie? I am very concerned about this issue and i hope i could take them away from her3- I will forgive her if she admits that she was making a huge mistake, but i feel she say that but in her inside i feel she is not really sorry! and this feeling will kill me and making me always angry to her.4- I offered to her a very good live for more than 11 years, and i never let her need anything, and i believe she must support her family during the difficult time not give them up? I think its matter of principles and values which i am teaching my kids.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): So you hit a rough patch in your life so she starts working and falls in love with the first guy she sees, what?
I know women want to be taken care of, but to say it's because of something like this is stupd, I know we all have our genetic make up that makes us who we are but we are also human beings not animals who run solely on instinct. We have a greater sense of conscience. This kind of thing will give many cheating men in the world out there an excuse "I can't help it's in my genes, my cock went that a way!", when actually they were morally weak and inconsiderate assholes.
I'm guessing this must be the first time in a long time since she had a job for a long period? So this must also be the first time in a long while she's been around other men for a long period and she ends up jumping the gun - and for a married man.
Spouses as unworthy as this IMO isn't even worth bothering with.
So now she asked for divorce trying to blame you for something in the marriage. Well she did a decent thing in trying to get a divorce if she doesn't love you anymore, which is fine - or would have been had she asked for it 'before' she actually cheated on you.
Take your kids and find someone else, let her have her dream man and don't let her crawl back to you when she realises her mistake, because she already spat out your relationship by both cheating and letting herself fall out of love with you (because when you are married and have the maturity you stay away from temptation when you see it!) I don't see why you should take her back after this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): hallo
ich bin eine deutsche kööt ihr das lesen nöö also viel pas beim entziffen ich aber kann eurere sprache lesen ätschh.:)
you must leave you wife it is not so good for you becouse u musst see her all the day..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2008): What's the matter with you? Hitting a woman is abuse. I can understand your anger, but violence solves nothing. I think your wife wants is tired of providing for the family. She wants to be taken care of like most women do. If you're not contributing any income for the family, then are you really being a good husband?
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A
female
reader, tammye17  +, writes (13 November 2008):
 hey, i'am so sorry to hear this...iam verry young but i recently just got out of a 2 year old relationship with a married man... she is stupid to leave her family for this man, he will never leave his wife for her.. she will go from a house wife with a wonderful family with you, to a mistress. he will not be there for her in holidays or the times she needs him.she is blind and sheis not seeing the consequenses of her actions.. she will regret her choice later on when this man dumps her or she gets tired of being the other woman. give her time, and talk to her.
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