A
female
age
30-35,
*kyLaBleu
writes:I have been engaged to a wonderful man, we made a year this past Sunday. We were having some issues-arguments-but eventually it calmed down and we've been fine. Kisses, hugs, and love making included. Even cuddling at night. He woke up a few days ago as if something was wrong. He said it was him. I left it alone and by thar night he was fine. Yesterday he woke up to my mom and I arguing about the wedding and other stupid things. I walked in our room and he immediately asked what was wrong. I told him a short version and he acted aggravated like he just wanted to marry me. It didn't matter where. My dad gave me the rest of the money for my dress but Danny seemed as if something was bugging him. I did what I regret now-i didnt leave it alone. He packed his things and left. He said he loves me but needs time. He told my sister it wasn't cold feet, but also said all I talked about lately was the wedding(which was supposed to be June 16th). I've cried all night, have not gotten any sleep. He did call me when he got to where he was going, and told me he missed me and had been sitting outside in his truck and hadn't gone in for an hour. I told him I wish he'd come home and he said he wish there wasn't a problem. His cousin calles and talked to me and told me his mom said 'son, do you love her?' And he said 'yeshe mom and I miss her like crazy, but I need time'. I'm so lonely and hurt. I feel as if my soul has been ripped away. He also told me not to tell myself everything would be olay because I'd only hurt myself more. I asked if that meant a break up and he said no. My sister thinks he meant dont tell myself that because when and if he comes home it would be expected instead of on his own will or something like that. Either way he is coming over today supposedly to talk with my parents about everything. What do I do? I'm in love with this man and I want him to come home! It's tearing me apart! What is going on? Help!!!!!
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a break, cousin, engaged, fiance, money, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, SkyLaBleu +, writes (31 May 2012):
SkyLaBleu is verified as being by the original poster of the question Um..okay Sweet, no one forced him. The proposal was his decision and his alone. And i didnt want a huge wedding. Neither of his did.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I know most girls your age expect a big wedding but in reality it just ends up being a huge amount of work and drama that stresses out most guys and creates major family riffs. Plus he may be seeing a side of you that he does not like. Suddenly he sees you as immature and whiny, constantly bickering like a spoiled child with your parents over every detail of your fairytale wedding plans. What's more important being married to this guy, or having a big showy wedding that will impress everyone but him? He is definately having second thoughts and it's not just the wedding jitters. I think he's realizing that you've both rushed into this wedding and now that he's seeing you in a different light he doesn't like what he sees. He may be feeling the two of you are mis-matched. He might be a simple guy who doesn't like big extravagant things and he's starting to realize that you are just the opposite. Not only should you consider bagging the big fancy wedding and just eloping in a quiet, but romantic ceremony but you need to take a good look at whether or not you two even belong together? Why do I get the feeling you're the one who may have pushed him into this wedding to begin with? He may be reacting to the feeling that you make all the decisions in this relationship and basically wear the pants. That's a huge turn off to men.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 May 2012):
 You cant force him to stay - as I said, try and get the parents out of the house or go somewhere just the two of you. Talk about HIM and how he feels, dont mention the wedding at all - and see what happens.
He might decide that because you have stopped talking about the wedding and are listening to him now, that he feels better about the relationship and wants to stay with you. Or he might decide that despite your chat, he still needs some space and wants some time alone to sort his head out.
If he does want to have space you have to accept that - I know it is hard and really hurts, but if he needs time alone then you need to give him space, otherwise he will feel smothered and will break up with you for good. He is struggling with his feelings and is not coping with the pressure, hence why he needs time apart. If he comes straight back, back into the wedding stress and back with your parents then nothing has changed, the problems will still be there and he wont feel any better.
But if he can have some space and be away from you for a while, he can figure out what he wants to do and what he needs in order to be happy.
I know you want him to stay, but that is not an option right now. Give him time to figure things out, be patient and think about him instead of yourself. You are only wanting him back for selfish reasons - you are lonely, you miss him etc. Whereas if you stop thinking about yourself, and think about your boyfriend - you will see that he needs space and time apart is the best thing for him. If you really love someone you will do what is best for HIM not YOU.
Only time will tell if he wants to come back or not, and this will be a real test of your relationship and your maturity. Try and stay strong, dont pressure him and give him all the time and space he needs to sort his head out.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I can't add anything more of value to this other than what K C 100 said....
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A
female
reader, SkyLaBleu +, writes (31 May 2012):
SkyLaBleu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was going to do that anyway, but how do I get him to stay once he's here? I feel so helpless.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 May 2012):
It sounds to me like the pressure of the wedding has got to him and it is all overwhelming him. You are both incredibly young to get married, and you have not been together very long at all so you dont know each other properly yet - it is a little foolish in my opinion to have rushed into getting engaged and then married so quickly at such a young age. This will be 99% of the reason why he is panicking now and needing space - he is too young and the wedding is too soon.
What should you do now? Sit down just the two of you (without your parents) and figure out exactly what it is that is bothering him. I think from what you have said here that your best course of action would be to postpone/cancel the wedding, and spend a bit more time simply being in a relationship and getting things back on track.
It sounds like you live with your parents, and your boyfriend lives with your parents too - again that is added pressure on him, every little fight you have your parents will know about it. It sounds like your parents are paying for the wedding, that will make him feel guilty for using all their money and almost like he owes them something for doing this for you both.
What is a more sensible thing for you both is to think about moving in together to your own place - rather than living with your parents which is obviously taking its toll on the relationship. The wedding can wait until you know each other better and you are more settled, neither of you are old enough to handle the pressures of a wedding, so how on earth you expect to be able to handle being married I do not know.
Slow things down, stop getting your parents involved in everything and talk to him. Let him talk about how he feels, and DO NOT mention the wedding at all. If you really love him that much then the wedding can wait, having a party in a white dress is not as important as staying together - so if you need to postpone the wedding in order to save the relationship then do it.
Wait until you are more stable in the relationship, with no arguments, no run away groom....and when you are older in a few years you will be in a much better place to make this sort of comittment to each other.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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